


REVERIE | Killua Zoldyck One-Shots

by emjeywee



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: All Killua book, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheesy, Cliche, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Killua AU, Lemon, Lime, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), One Shot, One Shot Collection, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Content, Smut, Suggestive Themes, Touching, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26209462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emjeywee/pseuds/emjeywee
Summary: Killua always wondered what "love" is all about. He didn't care before because he thought that was something that he could live without right after experiencing the twisted kind of "love" from his dysfunctional family.But after meeting Gon, Y/N and his other friends, he started giving "love" a chance again. He started to realize that he can't always build a wall around himself forever as he is a human who also longs for companionship."Y/N... I like you," he confessed as he paused, attempting to find more appropriate words to express what he truly feels. "No, I mean... I love you.""K-killua, are you sure? We are friends, you've probably mistaken me as-" the crimson on her face intensified as she averted her gaze."I don't want to love you as just a friend. I want to love you as a man loves a woman," he pleaded, sounding a little bit upset with a pained expression on his eyes."Can you ever stop thinking of me as a friend and learn to love me as a man?"KILLUA ONE-SHOT COLLECTION:Plots might contain: FLUFF, ANGST, LEMON/LIME, VIOLENCE, TRAGEDY and probably ones that never makes sense.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Killua Zoldyck & Reader, Killua Zoldyck/Original Character(s), Killua Zoldyck/Original Female Character(s), Killua Zoldyck/Reader, Killua Zoldyck/You, KilluaXReader
Comments: 57
Kudos: 131





	1. Forbidden Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Romance  
> \- Angst  
> \- Tragedy
> 
> AUDIO:   
> \- Hyori Ittai Lamento for Piano

_Tick tock.. tick tock.._

I kept looking at the grandfather's clock from time to time. Every second that passed, I couldn't shake off this anxious feeling and hoping that the person I am patiently waiting to come soon. Today's rendezvous point is in one of the abandoned boudoirs of the castle.

 _'He is 45 minutes late. I hope nothing bad happened,'_ I thought. _'Or maybe he got lost?_

Slowly, I walked to the window and gazed at the starry night sky shining down upon me, trying to calm myself. Happy thoughts started to fill my mind as I reminisce the moments I shared with my personal knight who happens to be my secret lover.

  


❦❦❦

  


_Killua Zoldyck. He was one of the best knights in the kingdom, always 100% committed to his job and proved himself many times in the battlefield._

_Born into a middle-class family worshiped as national heroes, he and his siblings were trained by their father at a very young age. It is customary for the Zoldycks to enlist as a knight once they grow up._

_When he turned 18, Killua joined the Rune Knights which was the primary attacking unit during the war. After they achieved one-sided victory, he earned a rank which enabled him to become the main protector and guardian of the Princess of the Kingdom of Quvell._

_I remembered the very first time we met. As I was seated in the bench of our 400-year old medieval castle while admiring the landscape, the view of inflorescence of Periwinkles and some exquisite flowers lay between the luscious green grass never cease to amaze me that I forgot the presence of my father calling my name._

_Never did I imagined that particular moment afterwards will change my life forever._

_"My beloved daughter, as I have promised, I am assigning the best knight of our kingdom who will do a great job on protecting you," my father said as he presented to me the tall handsome man who has a silver hair and beautiful blue eyes just like Periwinkles._

_"Pleased to meet you, my highness. I am Killua Zoldyck, and it is an honor and privilege to be of use to you Princess Y/N of Quvell," he spoke in a very respectable tone while he bowed his head and placed one hand behind his back and the other on the abdomen._

_"P-pleasure's mine," I stuttered._

_This strong, attractive creature intrigued me, igniting feelings I never know I possessed. There was something utterly mysterious I couldn't decipher that pulled me closer to him. I couldn't stop staring at his perfect figure._

_The knight responded with an equally seductive grin as his blue eyes seemed to sparkle. My cheeks burned and stubbornly looked away, having been thoroughly embarrassed._

_As we spend more time together, the more I learned about him. And the more I learned about him, the more I realized that I am falling in love._

_Deep inside, I knew it is wrong but alas, the universe works in weird and strange ways. How could the universe pull you towards something so wrong yet feels so right?_

_I don't know much about love and I don't even know what was even going through his mind and heart but one thing is for sure, he has this unspoken desire to touch and feel me which is reflected clearly in his eyes._

_One night as I was getting ready for bed wearing only my underwear and short night gown that reached down on my upper thigh, I heard a knock on the door that signaled a presence of someone. I slowly opened and covered my chest with my left hand trying to hide my cleavage._

_Upon realizing who it was, my heart skipped a beat. It is the most unexpected person but at the same time, the one I want to see the most. Killua._

_"Uhhmmm, can I come in?" he said silently while looking at the side, scratching the back of his head. I just nodded and let him enter, completely forgetting my lack of clothing._

_"Is there any problem? How rare of you to come here at this hour," I inquired in a low voice._

_He suddenly pushed me into the wall as his one hand leaned beside my head, which greatly puzzled me. "K-killua, what's wrong?"_

_"Princess Y/N, forgive me. What I'm about to do right now is against the code of the knighthood but I can't just suppress what I am feeling right now."_

_I was about to say something when he leaned closer and closer. His other hand stroked my waist... it is so warm, sensual and very tempting._

_'What was going on?' I'm so confused. I definitely knew that what was occurring right now was far from right, but something inside me made it impossible to resist no matter how much I tried._

_Despite my perplexed feelings, I couldn't help but gaze at his perfect face only to realize that the blue eyed knight's stare was intently focused on my lips._

_Only mere inches left between us, I closed my eyes and angled my mouth to his. We both feel each other's hot breath and flaring up at the intensity._

_Then, I felt his lips warm lips touched mine lightly. Neither of us have been kissed before, but it came so naturally._

_Killua's lips were soft and sweet, so intoxicating. I returned the kiss as and raised my hand to touch his cheek. Slightly, I opened my mouth to allow him access and he began exploring every inch of it._

_I totally lost control of my mind and every ounce of reason when he started to pull me closer to him, feeling his body heat._

_As we parted for air, he then whispered,_

_"I love you, my princess Y/N. I tried my best to hide this feeling and move on but every time I see you, your smile, and remembering all the times we spent together... I fall in love even harder and find myself going back to square one," he paused while looking down sadly, feeling a little bit guilty._

_"Killua, don't suppress it. Please let me feel your love because I do love you too, with all my heart," I finally confessed._

_He was quiet for a second. It took some time for him to process what I just said. Nothing could describe the happiness he felt at that moment._

_The silverette knight was not expecting that I reciprocated his feelings. He was only planning to confess and let all out the bottled feelings he have been keeping for so long so he can start moving on._

_"You don't realize how happy I am right now, Y/N."_

_"Me too, I never imagined that you will like me back. You were always so stiff and formal whenever we talked. I almost thought you are a robot without any feelings, obeying every command," I replied jokingly._

_"Baaaka!" he smugly retorted. "It's because I don't want you to know that... that... I s-secretly ..." he suddenly paused as his face grew different shades of red._

_"Secretly what?"_

_"Nothing ..."_

_"Aha! You are secretly fantasizing me... I knew it!"_

_"Don't be so full of yourself just because you are a princess"_

_"Oh really? But you were the one who confessed first... Can't resist my beauty huh?" I find it amusing to tease Killua. He is so cute._

_"C'mon, you were so brave and determined when you made the first move earlier.. what happened now?" I seductively teased again._

_Killua gave up the argument and just let out a small chuckle. He then looked into my eyes again and put in a serious face._

_"Y/N, I don't know where this relationship will take us but I promise you that I will love you and protect you with all of my heart." he continued, locking his gaze into mine._

_".. but for the meantime, we have to keep this a secret between our families,"_

_"Of course.." I chuckled. "I don't want our love story to end tragically just like what I always read in the books,"_

_Oh, the irony. "We will get through this, somehow. In the right time,"_

_The question is when is the right time? Because now, it is wrong. This relationship is a mistake. We both knew I am engaged to the Prince of Gruthen Empire._

_A highly respected Princess romantically involved with a mere knight? Purely scandalous. If we get caught, Killua will probably be beheaded and I would be disowned._

_But none of this matters now, Killua and I love each other._

_"Y/N, you are so beautiful..." I can feel my cheeks burning as my gaze went to his perfectly toned body and well defined arms. "You don't have any idea how much I wanted to touch you and make you mine... It feels like a dream come true."_

_My heart began to pound more furiously._

_"Touch me. I am already yours."_

_I couldn't believe that I had just said that to him. I just wanted to get to close to him and I was trying not to sound needy or desperate but I think I am otherwise._

_Killua blinked, and his face was blank until his lips morphed into a large smile. He brings my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it._

_His small, light kisses crawl up slowly going to my arms, then collarbone until the base of my neck where he paused._

_"Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love you more than I already do, you make my heart go crazy..." he murmured in my ears._

_"At first, I have no absolutely no idea what I was feeling, but I was determined to find out. The more I learned, the stronger the feeling became. I didn't even knew how to possibly love such perfection without screwing up... you're such a miracle in my life,"_

_I let my hands rest against the strength of his chest, so totally turned on by that charming explanation._

_"Killua, our souls were designed for each other.. Out of everybody in the world, we found each other. What are the chances for that? There's nothing coincidental about this - all of it leads us right here,"_

_He did not bothered replying with words. He started kissing me passionately not wasting any second. All this love talk must have really got him going._

_His hand started to wander from my upper torso going down to waist as I worked up mine at the middle of his back, clenching his shirt._

_I began to breathe heavily and my hands started to shake. If this went any further, I wouldn't have the will to stop whatever might happen... what I want to happen._

_I know I wanted something to happen but I wasn't sure if it should be now._

_My desire, my lust for him continued to build. I wanted him to ravish me. My skin tingled as he starts touching my inner thighs._

_I let out a soft moan, completely lost in this moment which made his intimacy level shot off the roof. I broke off the kiss as we both gasped for air._

_"I like that," I whispered to his ears. "...when you touch me,"_

_He lifted me up quickly, cradling me in his strong arms and slowly made our way to the couch nearby._

_Adrenaline started pumping into my system. What if someone was awake? What if someone was watching Killua carry me in a nightdress? What would they think?_

_I looked at him ignoring all the negative thoughts clouding my mind as his face is so close to mine, and can feel the warmth of his body while he carried me. Mischief apparently evident on his face - a dream about to be fulfilled._

_He carried me to the couch where he sat down with me on the top. I almost jumped out of my skin. I was sitting on the top of the man whom I adore so much._

_Killua slid his one hand at the side of my neck as he pulled me closer for another kiss, then he cupped my cheeks gently with the other._

_I felt his soft tongue touch mine as the kiss deepened. The hotness of his breath was stimulating and the intensity of the kiss was leading us down a path of pure hot desire._

_His hands wandered everywhere, rubbing my back gently then his fingers would combed through my hair._

_He leaned back on the couch, with me still sitting on his lap. He began to cup my mounds as he slowly slid his hands under my thin night gown. The silverette knight stopped for a moment and asked me if I was okay with this._

_I wasn't sure myself but I knew I didn't want to stop. His touch was breaking me down, revealing how vulnerable I am._

_I wanted to pull myself out but why would I? It is where I wanted to be, locked in his arms... melting in the heat radiated by his powerful body... delirious from his impeccable kiss._

_"It's okay." I replied breathing heavily. "As from what I told you earlier, I'm all yours,"_

_I couldn't stop shaking. I still couldn't believe this is happening to us. It happened so fast - so unreal._

_It was just not my body that I was letting him have, it was my heart._

_That night was unforgettable, the night we became one. Something that will be etched in my mind and heart forever._

....

_Months after, our relationship blossomed further despite not being the normal couple. Secret talks in the garden and random part of the castle, nightly meetings in the balcony and secret kisses in an abandoned room are our kind of date._

_Sometimes, when I am out traveling and doing some Princess duties, Killua would casually hold my hand carefully without letting other people see._

_Everything feels so right when I'm with him. Believe it or not, we are both thrilled about this entire ordeal. This is one hell of ride and we both hope in the end, it will be worth it._

_During one occasion, my beloved knight has been assigned on a difficult mission that took several months. I kept myself busy to distract myself from the intense loneliness I felt._

_When I heard that he came back, I immediately went to the rendezvous point we promised to meet again before he left._

_I climbed up the narrow stairs leading to the balcony - My eyes widened in recognition at the familiar face standing in front of me._

_"Killua, I missed you so much!" I shouted in happiness as I run towards him. "I was so worried about you.. don't leave me again," tears starts to swell in the corner of my eyes._

_My heart suddenly leaped with joy as he grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him in a tight hug, making me feel that he is okay and everything's alright._

_"My princess, I missed you too... and I won't never ever leave you anymore"_

_I meant to hug him back tightly but somehow my head moved on its own accord and found myself kissing him. Kissing Killua Zoldyck... all of my frustrations, heartaches and worries were poured into that kiss and it felt so damn good._

_After that dramatic reunion, he gently placed his hand on the side of my face seemingly staring into my eyes as if he was looking for something._

_"Y/N... let's run away from here" he suggested. Killua knew that if he wanted to spend his days with Y/N, they had to make plans._

_I stiffened with his sudden idea. "Run away?"_

_He nodded. "Yes. You and me. Let's go somewhere where people doesn't know us. Somewhere we can live our lives together as an accepted couple,"_

_I blushed at his words and couldn't help feeling warm inside. A smile crept on my face as I thought of me and Killua spending our lives together._

_"And let's be honest Princess, you should have known that these meetings can't last forever," he continues seriously._

_But then, the sad truth hit me. "We're only 18, and I don't know how to blend in the real world and.. and.. I don't know any house hold chores... I don't know how to earn for a living. I-i.. you might hate me.. and.. and-"_

_He placed his index finger on my mouth to silence me, trying to wash my worries away._

_"Ssssh.. don't worry. We will survive.. I think you'd be fine in the real world and besides... I really want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

_I couldn't hold his intense gaze and looked away, embarrassed. "Me too..."_

_"Let's go to Yorkshin City. I am 50% sure that no one will recognize us there. We can start a new life."_

_"Wait, why 50% only? Am I really that popular?" I raised my brow._

_"Well, if you can change your looks for a bit and your identity, it could get to 80%" he smiled as I felt him playing with the strands of my hair._

_"What about your family? You trained all your life to become a highest ranking knight... you're just going to give up now?"_

_"Are you seriously asking me that question Princess? Or that question should be intended for yourself?" before I can answer, he leaned closed and place a soft peck on my forehead._

_"I really wanted things to work out with my family," he continued. "I want to tell them about our relationship but I am certain that my mother and my brother Illumi are against about it. They are loyal to your father and serving this kingdom..."_

_"...well, some things in life just don't work out.. I'm glad that you and I are going to work out,"_

_I could almost feel the tears in my eyes. Killua leaned over again and gently our lips met. Passion blossomed between us. His kisses were now urgent and hard so I responded with as just much fervor._

_"I love you, Kil.. and yes, let's run away.." I whispered between kisses._

  


❦❦❦

  


I snapped back into reality as I heard the door swing open with creaking sounds. I held my breath for a moment and then smiled and sighed with relief as I saw Killua who's already leaning against the wall opposite of me.

"You're so late..." I started while I give him my sternest look propping my hands on my hips. "Did something happened?"

"Illumi happened, sorry." the silverette replied monotonously avoiding my gaze.

I could see his eyes were swollen. Did he cried? Did Illumi hit him?

"Tell me love" I asked worriedly. "I am here to listen..."

"It is nothing important." Killua retorted back and his body tensed.

"Are you sure?" I whispered, intertwining his hands with mine as I brought them up to my chest.

"He went away. Don't worry anymore..." the silverette knight tried to reassure me. "Let's not dwell on it and forget about him."

"Okay.. if you say so.. By the way, all my preparations are complete" I announced excitedly, trying to change the topic and shake off the awkwardness.

"I only packed 1 bag. Brought with me a few dresses, some important papers and a little bit of cash. We can buy some essential stuff along the way.. and where's your bag? Did you left it? You know we don't have the time to go back... it's very risky since-"

**A/N: For extra feels, you may choose to play the audio**

Killua leaned forward and silenced me with his lips. I tried to pull back to continue but he just held the back of my neck and pressed his lips harder against mine.

The kiss, though chaste was painfully poignant.. he deepened the kiss but slowly and tenderly, with each movement telling as if he's saying goodbye.

He suddenly broke away from the kiss then buried his face at the crook of my neck. I really wanted to ask what was his problem but decided not to... I just kept quiet and wrapped my arms around his back, locking in an embrace.

The mood between us was tensed. I didn't like how nervous I am getting as the seconds kept ticking. It is already 2:30 in the morning and we only have 30 minutes left if we want to escape the castle successfully and bypass the knights guarding outside.

"Y/N..." he finally started speaking up while he stood straight in front of me and his eyes never leaving my face.

"I am so sorry... I-I can't do this anymore. We cannot be together... I can't run away with you."

I felt so betrayed... it was so painful.

What about those kisses, whispers of sweet nothings, our plan of starting over and spending the rest of our lives together, was it all a sham?

I began to feel my whole world crashing down on me.

"Don't do this to me Killua... please... don't..." I begged him as sobs emerged from my throat and smacked his hard chest with the bottom of my clenched fist which I knew it didn't bother him at all.

But I know he didn't mean anything he said since he himself is shaking uncontrollably. I can't bear to look at him and see the pain in his eyes.

Something must have happened and I want to know the reason why he decided to do this to me.

I tried speaking but only ridiculous sob came out of my mouth.

"Y/N, I love you.. so much.. I always will no matter what happens.. My heart will beat for you as long as I live." I stayed silent. How can he say such sweet words yet his actions are contradicting?

"But I lately realized, we are not meant to be together... if you stay with me, I am afraid I cannot give you a good life you deserve. We will always be hiding, going from one place to another.. If we are going to have a family, what kind of life will I give to our children? We cannot hide forever. We have to wake up and convince ourselves that this isn't a fairy tale and love is not always about being together... it's about sacrificing and giving what's the best for both us..."

Reality hit like a speeding bullet that slashed through me. Ah he is right.

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind? To make this work? To not give up on us?"

Normally, silence means yes but on this particular moment, his lack of voice meant that he already gave up with this relationship.

I started running my fingers through his chocolate scented hair and admitted defeat. "I wish I can go back in time and warn myself that you'd go and break my heart."

"As for me, I'd rather not to. The time I spent with you are the happiest moments of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"But this is too painful for me to handle. It's ripping me apart,"

"Y/N, please know that I'm doing this to keep you safe,"

"Safe? Safe from what? You are my personal knight right? You vowed to protect me with all your life. Is that a lie as well?" I shouted angrily, not fully accepting his explanation. Or probably I'm still in denial and can't accept the fact that he's breaking up with me.

He went silent again.

The silverette knight had been into numerous battles and wars, countless scars has been imprinted on different parts of his body.. but he never thought that this unseen wound in his heart would be the most painful of all.

"I'm really sorry, Y/N. I love you. But give this Prince Marco of Gruthen a chance. After all, you're going to be married with him for the rest of your life. He will make you happy more than me... for I'm just a mere knight,"

Fears starts to cloud my mind. I don't know this man at all.

"But it's you who I love. I don't care if he's handsome nor care about his riches! I don't care even if he's a prince," I squeezed my eyes shut trying to unshed tears away. "I only care about you, Kil,"

"Everything will be alright Princess Y/N," he reassured taking my chin and guiding my tear stained face up to meet his. "Trust me, you will be happy,"

"I trust you but I don't believe that..."

Killua didn't start to cry until the final hug. We both knew it was coming but it did like an approaching thunderstorm.

My beloved knight held me as I started sobbing in his arms again. I looked up and saw his tears falling... I slowly wiped them with my thumb.

"Baka.. if you're going to leave me, at least give me a smile in the end... I want to remember your smiling face, not your tear stained face,"

And then he is kissing me, rough and wild... this might be the last kiss we are going to share. I kissed him back the same way - lips open, heart open, every part of me is reaching out to every part of him and then we returned to the hug.

Neither of us wanted to let go but we both knew that we must. We held each other for another seconds, seconds turned into minute and the minute was followed by another minute.

I couldn't let go because the moment I did, it would be the last time I would touch him.

He was the man I loved above all other humans in the planet but he let me go. Why? For what purpose that we need to meet only to get separated? I hope I get my answer soon.. Until then, I'll embrace all this pain till it hurts no more.

  


❦❦❦

  


Killua realized that there was another flood of tears that she was trying to hold back until he left. 

The broken-hearted knight opened the door and left without looking back. That was a hard thing to do, but he couldn't look at her again. He just walked down the stairs with tears still flowing down his cheeks.

"Good job, Kil... You did it sooner than expected," Killua tensed as he suddenly heard his big brother's deep voice.

He immediately wiped his tears. He looked around and saw him leaning in the wall near the bottom of the stairs.

"You have to keep your promise, Aniki. Stop torturing Alluka and let her go," he growled back as his eyes darkening in anger and letting out a bloodlust. "And you are not to touch Y/N,"

"But of course... A promise is a promise after all,"

Killua walked away as he clutched his chest tightly, disappearing into oblivion.

_I'm so sorry Y/N. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you like this. I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... after months of contemplating, I decided to write my own book although this was originally posted in my Wattpad account.
> 
> Sorry for this crappy writing and extremely cliché plot.  
> I just really want to see Killua as a knight.
> 
> This is my first time writing so please do tell me how to improve and leave some comments if you see any grammatical / spelling errors.
> 
> That's it! Hope you enjoyed this *angsty* first chapter.


	2. Cuddle Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Romance  
> \- Fluff
> 
> AUDIO:  
> \- Kamisama Kiss OST Track 9

I rolled over the bed and my eyes were struck by the blinding light. Sun streamed through the window and warmed my face. _What time is it?_ My head was throbbing and the bright rays of the sun was definitely not helping.

Still with my eyes closed, I glided my hand along the soft and silky sheets beside me only to find an empty spot and a ruffled bed cover. I soon moved my head over the area where the covers are crumpled.

I could feel the warmth of someone had been lying there and smelled like of what seemed to be a very faint scent of chocolate.

I jumped up from the bed and looked at the time. _'It's already 10 o'clock?!'_ I quickly ran downstairs to take a look at the door to see if it had been opened. I could see the doorknob had been moved which now meant the obvious.

Feeling disappointed upon realizing I am alone at home, I went back to my room where I suddenly saw my phone on the bedside table, buzzing with a new message. I picked it up and smiled to myself when I saw the notification of to whom it came from.

KILLUA😺:  
Good morning, sleepyhead!  
Are you awake now?  
 _10:21am_

Y/N👸:  
Good morning!  
Wait, I'm the sleepyhead?  
Who went to bed first?  
You even left me alone without saying goodbye this morning... humpf  
 _10:22am_

KILLUA😺:  
Ehh?  
Sorry, I was really tired from work.  
And I didn't had the heart to wake you up.  
You looked so peaceful.  
Be thankful... I even wiped your drool  
I deserved a treat.  
 _10:23am_

Y/N👸:  
Wow geez... thank you!  
Btw, your fart stinks too much  
 _10:23am_

KILLUA😺:  
Where did it came from suddenly?  
Y/N, are you high?  
 _10:24am_

Y/N👸:  
Nothing~  
I just can't find any other insults  
to throw at you..  
You look so perfect in my eyes  
*wink wink*  
 _10:24am_

KILLUA😺:  
...  
Stop it.  
D-don't say such embarrassing  
stuff like that, stupid.  
 _10:26am_

Y/N👸:  
I WON MUAHAHA...  
Btw, aren't you busy at work?  
I'll report you to Cheadle, you are skipping😈  
 _10:26am_

KILLUA😺:  
Actually, I messaged you because  
there is something I need to tell you.

We need to talk...  
 _10:30am_

I put back my phone on the bedside table as I sat down at the edge of my bed. My heart started pounding loudly. For some reason I have a bad feeling about this.

_'Did I said something that made him upset? Is he breaking up with me?'_ I tried to recalled the things I did these past few days. I can't remember anything that would make him mad. _'Or maybe did he fell out of love of me?'_

My stomach churned with the thought. Although we are living together since we started dating, we barely see each other these days. He had been busy working at Hunter's Association and goes out on a mission from time to time. We didn't even went out for a date in a long time now and I don't want to make him feel that I'm desperate for his attention so I just let him be and wait whenever he has the time.

My trail of thoughts has been interrupted when my phone started vibrating on the table. I picked it up and opened the message nervously, expecting the worst. _'Yosh Y/N! Stay strong!'_

KILLUA😺:  
Y/N?  
Love?  
You there?  
 _10:49am_

Y/N👸:  
Yes. I am.  
Sorry, I got distracted for a bit.  
What do you want to tell me?  
 _10:50am_

KILLUA😺:  
Promise me first that you won't get mad...  
 _10:51am_

Y/N👸:  
Oh c'mon Killua Zoldyck!!!!  
The suspense is killing me!!  
Tell me now!!!!!  
 _10:51am_

KILLUA😺:  
No, please promise me first.  
 _10:52am_

Y/N👸:  
Fine. I promise.  
Now, spit it out 😣  
 _10:54am_

KILLUA😺:  
Okay, here it goes...

We've been dating for almost 3 months now  
and you have not once made me a sandwich  
 _10:55am_

Y/N👸:  
I'M GOING TO MAKE ONE RIGHT NOW  
AND CHOKE YOU WITH IT  
FOR SCARING ME SO BAD!!!!!........  
 _10:56am_

KILLUA😺:  
Hahahahhahahahahaha  
Now, who's the winner?  
 _10:56am_

I threw my phone on my bed only to have it bounced up and fell onto the floor, making a thud sound. I gritted my teeth in frustration, so annoyed for overthinking things.

_'That brat's so unbelievable'._ He almost gave me a heart attack but somehow sighed in relief. 'Why did I even liked this jerk?'

I wanted my revenge... but suddenly I reflected upon his words. _'Does he really wanted to eat sandwich that much?'_

My phone did not stopped ringing and vibrating. I picked it up and saw the notifications:

**5 missed calls. 3 new messages.**

I checked my phone first for any damage and saw some cracks at the edge of the screen. Oh shit. Panic started to kick in as I tried tapping on the screen to see if it still working. I just bought it last month, the latest version of iPear.

I heaved a sigh of relief when I can still unlock my screen using fingerprint scanner. Then my mood turned sour again when I saw my phone's background wallpaper... It's Killua and me kissing his cheek and while his face looked so red. I intensely gazed at his picture and whispered _"This is all your fault!"_

My phone kept ringing but I just declined his call. I decided to open his messages instead.

KILLUA😺:  
Y/N?  
You promised me you won't get mad.  
I'm sorry...  
 _11:09am_

KILLUA😺:  
Love?  
Y/N?  
Y/N Sleepyhead?  
Y/N baka?  
Answer my calls please  
 _11:15am_

KILLUA😺:  
Hey, I was just joking about the sandwich.  
C'mon, say something...  
 _11:17am_

Y/N👸:  
I'm not mad, I promised anyways.  
But you didn't made me promise to not get upset...  
 _11:21am_

KILLUA😺:  
Hey, I'm sorry...  
I didn't imagined that you'll take it seriously.  
Let me make it up to you, ok?  
I'll go home early tonight and let's eat dinner.  
Together.. ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ  
I promise  
How's that?  
 _11:22am_

Y/N👸:  
K  
 _11:22am_

I ignored his last few replies as my mind still processing these three words: **Dinner. Tonight. Together.**

'Omg! It's a date!' I suddenly felt excited. In just a snap of a finger, my mood changed from being grumpy to ecstatic, just like how a typical woman would be when their man woos them and asks for a date.

I cupped both of my cheeks with my hands as I dreamily imagined what could possibly happen in tonight's dinner. We hadn't spent quality time together in a very long time so I'm really looking forward to this.

I hastily snatched my phone again almost forgetting that it is damaged and tried to search for dinner ideas in Joogle. Suddenly, a light bulb went on in my head and muttered to myself _'I know the best food I will serve tonight! Okay! Time to do grocery shopping!'_

❦❦❦

  


**A/N: You may play the audio.**

Y/N sat down at the dining table with an array of different meals in front of her - Chicken sandwich, Grilled Cheese sandwich, Ham sandwich, Roast Beef sandwich, Tuna sandwich and a Chocolate Mousse cake.

She rested her elbow on top of the table, her hands propped under her chin. She had been waiting for Killua for almost an hour already... a feeling of impatience started to manifest in her action as she let out a heavy sigh.

_'That fluffy jerk... don't tell me he forgot his promise?'_ she muttered to herself. She almost thought that if she closed her eyes and concentrated, then she could conjure him by the strength of her longing for him.

His last message was still from this morning. Y/N had to wait in ignorance as to whether there was something worth waiting for or is she just waiting for something that will never happen?

Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything. It just messes with your mind and steals your happiness.

I'll go home early tonight and let's eat dinner... together. His message echoed in Y/N's head. _'Liar'_ she whispered to herself.

Bitter tears started to roll down on her cheeks as her mind was filled with thoughts of Killua. Oh how she missed him so much. Actually, being 'too busy' is just a myth because people make time for the things that are really important to them and besides, if Killua really does care for her, he could have informed her before hand. It doesn't take 20 seconds to send a message that he won't be able to make it in time.

Y/N seemed grew tired of waiting as she began walking to their room. The events of the evening plus the stress she accumulated from going to supermarket, cleaning the house and preparing their dinner had caught up with her. She was not only physically weary... but also emotionally bruised.

She changed into her over sized t-shirt and lie down on the bed. Y/N tried to clear her thoughts but she couldn't sleep. Turning on her right, she looked at the clock on her bedside table. It was 5 minutes past 11. She sighed and then turned again into the other side... finally, she closed her eyes willing for sleep to come but she didn't felt drowsy at all.

Minutes later, she heard someone entered the door. Y/N was so distracted with her thoughts that she didn't noticed Killua got home. As his stealthy footsteps approached the bed, she lay down still with her eyes closed pretending to be asleep.

Killua then silently removed his jacket and simply dropped it on the floor, leaving only his inner shirt. He lay flat on the top of the covers of the bed beside Y/N. The silver-haired guy knew that his lover was upset with him for breaking his promise. She has all the right to be mad, he can only wish that she forgives him.

He turned sideways to face Y/N. Although he doesn't always say or show it, Killua misses Y/N so much. He always think of her during the day even while working and see her at his dreams at night. He felt terribly guilty to leave her alone but he has to make a living, for both of them... for their future ahead.

Their bodies are both so close to each other but their feelings do not connect. So close yet so far, the distance doesn't matter, but situation does.

Killua lifted Y/N's head carefully and placed it into his one arm. He admired Y/N's beautiful features as he brushed his hands through her hair while she slept in his arms. His appreciation of her beauty was genuine just like his love was.

"I am really sorry, Y/N. I'm disappointed with myself just like you are to me. I swear I'll do things differently this time because I can't afford to lose you..." Killua silently pleaded, not knowing that his lover can hear everything.

"It may not seem like it at times but I love you, I really do. Thank you for putting up with me and you remained what I liked most in a person - real" he finished as he kissed her forehead.

Killua's scent filled Y/N's nostrils. He smelled so sweet and his words sounded so sincere that it started to tugged into her heartstrings in a peculiar way.

But Y/N can't waver now. As much as she loved him, she wanted to make him feel just a little bit of what she was feeling right now. She turned on the opposite site and left a big gap between her and Killua.

He was taken aback of Y/N's sudden action and slowly realized that she was awake all along. He felt the hot deep red blush fill his cheeks. 'Oh no, did she heard that?' He thought to himself.

Killua stretched further his arm out which is still under her neck and pulled her back gently, letting her body spoon against his. Then the silverette nuzzled his face into her nape while he securely wrapped his arms around her.

Then the silverette nuzzled his face into her nape while he securely wrapped his arms around her.

"Don't give me space... that's the last thing I wanted from you," Killua muttered, trying to control his unsteady breathing as her scent overwhelmed his senses - the fragrance of her skin, the soap she had bathed with a hint of perfume, and the familiar vanilla scent of her shampoo.

Y/N faltered at his words and slowly sank. How can she resist him? Her mind told her to resist his embrace, but her heart would not let her obey. Deep inside, this is what she really wanted... to be with the one she loves the most... to be within his arms... to feel at home and feel his love.

She finally fell into his hold, loving the way his arms tightened around her.

"I love you too, Killua. And it is so unfair of you to do this to me, you know how weak I am against you," she whispered. "And I missed you so much."

"I know. And that is why I am doing this. I want to make you feel better, to ease your mind and erase whatever doubts you have because -" he said as his voice trailed off when he realized that what he said was embarrassing.

"Hmm? Because?" Y/N asked teasingly, trying to make fun of her shy lover.

"B-because .... want to always... you smile, your smile is the ...... I have ever ..." Killua mumbled as he buried his face deeply on Y/N's neck.

"What was that? I didn't understand anything. Don't tell me you switched on your tsundere mode again?" she cheerily said.

"Okay, I'll say this once so listen carefully. I want to always see your smile because your smile is prettiest I have ever seen," he spoke fast while blushing. His heart beating so fast.

"Awwww... then can I confess something?"

"Sure..."

"This smile only exists when I'm with you..." Killua smiled widely as though he's the happiest man on Earth at the moment. "Can I confess something too?"

"Remember the sandwich stuff earlier?"

Y/N facepalmed as she recalled the fiasco earlier. "What about it? Aren't you still satisfied with the sandwich I made? I'm pretty much sure you saw it when you passed by the dining room before going here"

"What I actually meant is that I want you to sandwich my face between your legs" he declared with smug look in his face and then bursted out laughing.

"YOU'RE SUCH A FREAKING PERVERT KILLUA, GET OUT!" Y/N shouted as she pulled away from his cuddle and threw pillows at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was so fun to write but I think I messed up with the ending. Lol. Sorry (not sorry?).
> 
> Well, this is to compensate from the drama I posted from the previous chapter.
> 
> Hoped you liked this one.  
> I felt my heart melting while typing this 😂


	3. Beneath The Starry Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Fluff  
> \- Romance
> 
> AUDIO:  
> No Song Without You - Honne (Acoustic)

**A/N: You may play the audio for better reading experience**

"Killua, are we almost there?" Y/N asked for the umpteenth time as she turned to the spiky silver haired guy driving beside her. It was a warm and beautiful summer evening, with an occasional light breeze that blew her hair through the open window.

Approximately an hour has elapsed since they left Yorknew City. The view outside as they were passing already looked unfamiliar - unfamiliar houses, unfamiliar roads and unfamiliar landscape - far away from the city lights and civilization.

"Maybe around 30 more minutes." he smiled as he briefly removed his right hand from the steering wheel and patted her head, messing her soft (h/c) hair.

"You also said that 30 minutes ago" she pouted as she tried to arrange her disheveled hair and hide the bright shade of pink that appeared on her cheeks. "Neee... where are we really going?"

"You'll find out when we get there" he answered vaguely. His deep blue orbs gleamed as he turned his attention towards the road, determined to not give her any hints until they arrive to their destination.

"Ahhhh~ this is so frustrating! It'd better be worth it!" she continued to pout and crossed her arms over her chest while she gazed outside the window.

They were driving through the mountains now, the slopes on both sides of the road rose even more steeply. From behind the windows, Y/N continued to stare at the scene outside with great interest however she quickly got bored as the view became darker, with only the headlights and radiance from the moon and stars to guide them.

Y/N pretended to look at the opposite side, only occasionally stealing a glances at Killua. His face was somber but even in dimness, his electric blue eyes was very dazzling. Soon, his nearness was all she could feel, all she could think about.

"You know, we probably could saved half of the time if we only used your _Godspeed,_ " she spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, breaking the comfortable silence that enveloped them.

"Huh? No way! Do you know what you're saying? You're so heavy. I won't be able to carry you in a long distance travel,"

"How dare you-"

"I'm just kidding..." he snickered. "You know, I need to charge it when it runs out. And judging from our surroundings, there's no place to do that. We'll just get stuck in the middle of nowhere,"

"And besides, I brought some stuff with me." he added as he pointed his thumb towards the rear of the car.

 _'I wouldn't mind being stuck anywhere as long as I'm with you'_ Y/N said in a very low, inaudible tone.

"Hmmmm?"

"Nothing. And I guess, you won't tell me what's that stuff?" she asked inquisitively.

"Nope." he mockingly replied, popping the 'p'.

Y/N let out a sigh of defeat and decided to put her trust on her friend who's also the same guy she's secretly in love with for a long time.

_But how did they end up on this situation?_

Killua asked Y/N earlier to come with him for a mission. She really didn't want to go but saying no was not an option. Gon and Alluka were travelling alongside with Ging in the Dark Continent, Kurapika declined as he needed to finish some job for the Nostrade family and Leorio is now a full time doctor.

Before, she did not mind tagging along with Killua for a mission. However, as her feelings for him grew stronger and more differentiated, she became conscious with her actions towards him and easily gets flustered whenever he is around. Upon that realization, she tried to keep her distance and keep her communication light so he won't figure it out - as if she masters the art of hiding one's feelings.

Y/N never dared to tell him how she really feels because she was afraid that he would not feel the same way. Their friendship can't be risked over this so being his girl is impossible. She just kept quiet about it and enjoyed the time they were spending with each other... she was happy and contented with what they have. _Or so she thought._

Chilly wind starts to blow from far-off mountains as they gained altitude which made Y/N feel a little bit drowsy. Before long, she felt her eyes getting heavy so she leaned her back comfortably against the passenger seat, allowing herself to drift off to sleep.

The silver haired driver turned sideways to look at his sleeping companion. He suddenly pulled into an area of soft dirt alongside the road and stopped the car. He was staring at her while she was asleep when a shaft of light from the full moon illuminated her face.

His eye followed the line of her face down to her body, each curve seemed so familiar but somehow new like a boy discovering it for the first time. Y/N suddenly shifted her position all curled up like an innocent kitten.

Killua reached out for his backpack on the backseat and took out his black jacket with hoodie then he carefully wrapped it around her and pulled her hair gently under it.

He smoothed his hand over her hair for a while. She looked so innocent, so delicate, so fragile - like a doll.

He finally sighed deeply, _'This idiot... when am I going to stop having to take care of you?'_

Directing his attention back on the trip, the silver-haired hunter turned the key in the ignition to start the engine and drive back out onto the road.  


❦❦❦

  
Y/N was sleeping deeply when suddenly she felt someone tugging her sleeve and heard a voice calling her. "Oi Y/N, wake up! We are here!"

For a moment, she could not remember anything. "Huh?"

"I said we are here, idiot!" the voice replied which she later recognized as Killua's.

Soon, she got up when she noticed that she's wearing Killua's favorite black jacket. His sweet and chocolate-like scent was filling her senses and it was calming, euphoric and pleasing.

Y/N unbuckled her seat belt and was about to get out of the car when Killua stopped her.

"Stay here for a moment, I'll be back soon."

"Huh? Where are you going? Are you going to leave me here alone?" she asked in confusion while she watched him get out quickly, open the trunk and take a big bag from it.

"Just stay there, I'll be back fast" he said loudly then he disappeared into the dark.

 _Pffft. I shouldn't have came along if I only knew you'd just leave me here._ She bitterly thought, annoyed for being oblivious and ignorant on what is happening.

Puzzled and confused, she pulled the neckline of his jacket up to her nose - inhaling his sweet and natural scent to calm her down. Then she snuggled deeper into his jacket which made her feel like she was absorbing the warmth from his body, feeling like she is embracing him. Small little things like this makes her happy.

Several minutes later, Y/N decided to turn off the headlights and stepped outside of the car. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark but it remained pitch black, with only occasional flash of headlights from the passing cars to her right where the highway was.

 _'Where in the world are we?'_ she wondered as her brows wrinkled and lips turned down in a frown.

There was only blackness yet she felt strangely peaceful. Winds rushed against her face, further dangling her already snarled hair. She took her phone out of her pocket and turned it on. **No Signal.**

Y/N sighed heavily as she leaned her back against the car with both of her hands tucked inside Killua's jacket. A thought came into her mind suddenly, _'Wait, why do I have Killua's jacket? I don't remember wearing this earlier?'_

Her thoughts stopped short as she heard footsteps crackling on the crisp dead leaves and twigs few meters in front of her.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting," Killua said as he approached Y/N and put his hand on the back of his head with a half smile on his lips, somehow he looked sorry.

"You'd better be, fluffball." she scolded and widened her eyes, pretending to be angry. "So, you completed the mission already?

"Huh?"

_"Huh?"_

There was an awkward silence for a bit.

"Weren't you listening earlier? The mission won't start until tomorrow."

Y/N frowned and looked at him with a big question mark drawn all over her face.

"So what are we doing here? Why are we here? And where are we?" she exclaimed, folding her hands across her waist with her eyebrows arched.

"Jeez, you ask lots of questions. Before I answer, wear this." The silver haired guy handed her a black strip of cloth which seemed to be like a blindfold.

"Kill, you're not planning to sell me for an underground auction aren't you?" she hesitated but grabbed the blindfold anyways.

"What? No! But even if I did, you don't have any value."

Before she could protest, Killua snatched the cloth from her grip and slowly turned her around to put the blindfold on. He was so close that she can feel his hot breath on her hair as he tied it.

He leaned closer and whispered to her ears, "Don't take it off until I say so, okay?"

Y/N froze. She was so flustered from being close to him, her mouth wouldn't form any coherent words so she just nodded. She went pale and her heart started beating faster. Her breathing almost stopped, she wanted to faint.

She doesn't understand what has gotten into Killua ever since this trip started. It feels like he is a different guy. He's being extra secretive, avoids her at one point then make her do crazy stuff that he wanted her to do.

Everytime their eyes met, everytime he touch her, everytime they have any forms of physical contact, things get difficult for her - to pretend that she is not affected by his actions, _to pretend that she doesn't love him._

Suddenly, all the feelings and longing for him that she locked deep inside broke loose. She was helpless to deny any longer the love that consumed her.

Out of the blue, Y/N jolted as Killua lifted her legs and carried her in a bridal style.

"Y/N, do you trust me?"

"Y-yes, I do."

 _"Godspeed!"_ he called out as his hair stood up and his body started giving off blue glow that changed into electricity. They soon took off into the forest with the speed of lightning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you're wondering how old is Killua here, well... it's actually up to you but he's old enough to have his driver's license. (Yay!)
> 
> Part II coming up next!


	4. Beneath The Starry Sky 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Romance  
> \- Fluff
> 
> AUDIO:  
> \- 5 cm per Second OST - Oukashou

Killua deactivated his _Godspeed_ and returned to normal with his silver hair fluttering lightly in the wind.

As he was about to put Y/N down, he noticed that she was trembling and clutching his shirt tightly, twisting her hand into the fabric as if she never wanted to let go.

"O-oi, Y/N, you okay? Did it hurt?" he worriedly asked while lowering her legs till her feet touched the ground, still blindfolded.

_'As long as I'm with you, I'll always be okay,'_ she wanted to say.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bit dizzy. It has been a long time since we last traveled in your _Godspeed mode._ " she said instead, trying to get herself together.

That was lie. The truth is she was nervous the entire time they were running. As her body melted against his muscular frame, she felt weak, frantic and tortured by a mixture of conflicting emotions that raced through her mind.

"Oh, okay," he shrugged and didn't insist further.

Out of nowhere, Y/N smacked him roughly which landed on his chiseled chest, making him flinch a little.

"Ow, what was that for?" the silver-haired guy grimaced as he jerked away from her.

"Maybe you are forgetting that I'm still wearing this," she pointed her index finger in front of her covered eyes. "Can I remove it now?"

"No... wait! Give me a few more minutes please" he pleaded.

"Killua, how long are you going to make me wait?" she exclaimed, raising an eyebrow as she was about to reach her limit. Everything about this situation is utterly confusing.

"Look, you don't have to tell me everything but please just say something even just a bit about this situation because you don't know how frustrating this is and-"

At the same moment, he held her hand, gradually interlacing his fingers into hers to make her feel at ease. The silverette noticed that her body stopped trembling as he tightened his grip. Slowly, she returned the squeeze.

Y/N let out a long, shuddering breath. "Sorry, Kil. I trust you. It's just, you never answered any of my questions since earlier."

"It's okay. I'm sorry too, but you'll know soon," he apologized.

"And that's a promise," though his voice seemed monotonous, his face flushed bright red with embarrassment and somehow glad that she couldn't see it.

"Come with me," the silver-haired guy ordered as he untangled his fingers from hers and grabbed her wrist instead. He started walking with her following obediently.

A sense of growing excitement filled Y/N's mind as she wondered that maybe he came to surprise her. Or maybe not.

_'Surprise me? But what for? Maybe he likes me?'_ she thought as if her mind is playing tricks on her.

_'No, no, it's impossible that he'll confess... not a chance. He was always so mean and harsh to me. But whenever he looks at Gon, it's as if he's the best thing ever that existed in the world... it can't be...'_

Y/N silently giggled at the thought, almost facepalmed herself for thinking such nonsense stuff.

Killua took on a few steps then he stopped and turned to Y/N, "Sit down."

Y/N obeyed as she held her breath in anticipation, feeling nervous. Although she couldn't see anything, she can tell that she's sitting of what seemed to be a soft mat or cushion.

Then he made her hold a steaming hot cup which kinda smelled like hot chocolate. It felt good, it helped to warm her already stiff fingers.

_'Wait, did he prepared this before hand?'_ She thought suddenly.

**A/N: Play the audio <3 **

Moments later, she felt hands removing the blindfold from her eyes. At first she thought she might have lost her sight entirely - the world around her, freed from the bandage was dark but after a moment they adjusted, there lay above her was one of the most magnificent thing she had ever seen in her life.

It was a vast gleaming dark sky with different hues of blue and streaks of indigo stretched out for infinity, and filled with gazillion of diamond-like stars of all color and brightness. Each twinkling star seemed to be in it's proper place, filling empty spaces while the bright white moon cast a silver glow over the grassy landscape. 

Killua broke the silence first, as he sat down next to Y/N looking up to the same starry sky. "How was it, Y/N?"

"I-it's so beautiful," she responded, almost speechless and still in awe, admiring the majestic view in front of her.

She would call them beautiful but she knew it wouldn't do justice to it. She knew this is something you can't describe or tell anyone to share the experience, not even you can capture with your smartphone. This is something you can only know by experiencing it and seeing them through your eyes.

"Wow, your vocabulary isn't wide enough," he chuckled, frivolously teasing Y/N.

All of a sudden, Killua pointed his index finger to a certain point in the sky.

"That's _Deneb, Altair, Vega._ Those stars make the famous summer triangle," he began explaining.

Then he pointed to another one, "And _Ophiuchus_ is on that side... so _Serpens_ is over there," he continued as Y/N's head turned slowly, looking at Killua with so much affection.

"Then, that bright star there is Spica...." his voice trailed off when he noticed that Y/N is looking at him with her attractive (e/c) eyes.

"B-but brightest star of them all is here, right in front of me," he stammered, unsure on how to put into words what he really meant to say as he tilted his head to face her, locking his gaze onto hers.

"Ha... haha... hahaha!" Y/N became embarrassed and pretended to laugh nervously, smacking him playfully on the shoulder. "Your joke was so funny! Since when did you became a comedian?"

Y/N immediately fell silent upon realizing that he didn't laugh at her humour. Her face suddenly went blank, trying to fully comprehend what he just said.

Killua on the other hand, didn't budge. Instead, he kept looking at her, staring intensely into her eyes and into her soul.

Deep down, he was embarrassed. It is by far the most embarrassing thing he ever said in his life but it's now or never. He will not let this chance pass by, not after spending so much time to prepare just for this moment, to find the right place, and to let her finally feel what he has been keeping for so long.

He always wondered what _"love"_ is all about. He didn't care before because he thought that was something that he could live without right after experiencing the twisted kind of "love" from his dysfunctional family.

But after meeting Gon, Y/N and his other friends, he started giving "love" a chance again. He started to realize that he can't always build a wall around himself forever as he is a human who also longs for companionship.

"Y/N... I like you," he confessed as he paused, attempting to find more appropriate words to express what he truly feels. "No, I mean... I love you."

Meanwhile, Y/N was at loss for words. Oh how fast the tables have turned. What she's hearing right now is something she would never expected to hear from Killua, not in a million years. But here they are, at this very moment, as if the god of heavens and stars are on her side.

"K-killua, are you sure? We are friends, you've probably mistaken me as-" the crimson on her face intensified as she averted her gaze.

"I don't want to love you as just a friend. I want to love you as a man loves a woman," he interjected, sounding a little bit upset with a pained expression on his eyes.

"Can you ever stop thinking of me as a friend and learn to love me as a man?" he went on as he tightened his grip on her arms, forcing her to look him in the eyes.

Y/N's expression softened with a touch of shame. Through her lowered lashes, showed the faintest glimmer of desire. She did not meant her accusations, it was all an attempt to cover her embarrassment.

Before Y/N could answer, Killua closed his eyes and leaned in gently, kissing her soft and warm lips. Then they pulled apart and took somewhat shaky, shallow breaths.

The silver-haired guy stared at her with desire in his soft, electric blue eyes. "I can't say I'm sorry, Y/N. I've wanted to do that ever since. I want to do that all of my life," he hesitated, his voice quiet to prevent a stutter, "Have I ruined our friendship?"

Y/N still couldn't believe what was happening, it felt so surreal. Her mind is racing and her heart is beating a thousand miles per hour.

She never imagined that someone like Killua would take a liking to a weak, clumsy and simple woman like her. Y/N tried to speak but she couldn't find her voice.

They both fell silent for while, until Y/N decided to answer his confession through actions. She sweetly smiled at him before giving Killua's hand a gentle squeeze, which caught his attention.

Y/N took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she gradually leaned forward and kissed his snow-like forehead.

"This... is for saving my life four years ago from the Chimera Ants. I certainly would have died back there if it wasn't for you,"

Then she pulled back a little with her moonlit face blushing ever so madly. After that, she lowered and tilted her head a little, planting a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"This... is for always protecting and taking care of me, even though you are rude most of the times,"

"And this... is for making me fall in love with you, Killua" she whispered as her lips finally touched his, closing in a tender kiss.

As they both closed their eyes, sparks flew in every direction, and the world was slowly disappearing around them along with all of their worries.

They held it for a few seconds, before their lips began to move in perfect sync, slowly and ardently. They held the kisses as long as they could until the two had to break for air, after which they returned to kissing each other with a renewed passion.

As their lips parted, they stared into each other's eyes for a moment. They were both breathing hard, as if they ran a long way.

Y/N smiled at how affectionate and gentle he was, it was like seeing a whole new Killua, his other side that she didn't know.

"So, did I do a great job in surprising you?" he smugly asked, feeling accomplished and pleased with himself seeing the astonishment in her eyes.

"Yeah yeah, very good job. Although you almost made me leave you earlier. And I didn't know you can be cheesy sometimes," she answered with a teasing and a hint of sarcasm tone in her voice.

"Shut up!"

She moved to the side closer to Killua to close the gap, resting her head on his shoulder. The young Zoldyck reciprocated her action by putting his arms around her waist, then turning both of their attention to night sky once again.

"That's all, I guess" Killua mumbled.

"Hmmm? What do you mean?"

"That's all I have." he stated, "Being able to protect and take care of you, my friends... and this starry sky, that's all I have, that's all I can give you Y/N, that's everything"

"Everything..." she repeated firmly.

"Well, to be exact I can also offer my cruel and harsh words,"

"I don't need those, thank you"

"And there's my body..."

"Huh?" she asked.

"Don't you want that either?"

Killua couldn't help but smirk, satisfied at his little prank.

Y/N cleared her throat, "Uh, no... wait, t-that's ah..."

"Just kidding, just kidding!" he laughed with a grin on his face.

"Now you're joking," then she let out a quiet _'hmph.'_

He paused then he huskily whispered, "And what if I wasn't?"

Y/N rolled her eyes, blushing like a madman.

All of a sudden, Killua put in a serious tone.

"You know, although my life has been unfortunate until now, I'm glad that those misfortunes in the past led us to where we are right now. Because of that, I was able to fall for you. I want to give you something more but as for now, the only thing I can offer you is this starry sky,"

Tears fell down on Y/N's cheeks but they weren't drops of sadness, no. There were more like the feelings of joy, relief, happiness, and contentment.

"Thank you, Killua. I love you, more than anything,"

"I love you too,"

Quietness grew deeper again but this time, the silence was comfortable, a silence between two long-time friends, now lovers, enjoying the warmth of companionship, rather than chattering noises while they started to lay on their backs, watching the stars above them.

That's how this became a day to remember, for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheese, anyone? 
> 
> Stargazing scene inspired by Bakemonogatari, Episode 12. It's one of my favorite romantic moments in animé.
> 
> And I got jealous of Gon when he went stargazing with Killua in Whale Island so I made my own scene with him. Lmao


	5. 3000 Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Romance  
> \- Angst  
> \- Minor Cursing  
> \- Aged-up characters and Killua is OOC here. 
> 
> AUDIO:  
> \- Is There Still Anything That Love Can Do - RADWIMPS (Orchestra Version)

❦❦❦

_Today is the day I have been waiting for. It's finally here. This is gonna be a turning point in my life._

❦❦❦

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. 7:45 am. _Yes. I still have ample time to prepare._

I have never been a morning person so I always set an alarm on my phone. Apparently, my default alarm was either the one with loud noises or the one that sounds like death.

Until one day, Killua set up my alarm while we are at Gon's house in Whale Island then the next day, I woke up slowly to what sounded like ocean waves crashing on the shore. It made me calm, it made me feel that waking up in the morning is the best thing. Ever since then, I didn't bother to change my alarm. Every time I hear it every morning, it always reminds me of him.

As I yawn and stretch, I felt the blazing sun on my skin from the window. Then I took my phone from the bedside table which showed 2 pings from Killua:

> make sure to be on time, don't be late

> well, I'll just pick you up there at 9! 

_Oh crap. I need to hurry up._ I said to myself as I pulled back my covers and put on my fluffy (f/c) slippers then stood up and ran to the bathroom.

I can't be late again like the last time. He made me pay everything from lunch, snacks to movie tickets just because I was late for 30 minutes.

While I was in there, I took a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I looked like a mess. I got my small towel and rubbed the crust in my eyes then turned on the shower.

When I came out of the shower, I ran to the room and shut the door. Then I turned on my speaker which is connected to my iPod.

I played _"I Like Me Better by Lauv"._ This is my jam. As soon as I started singing, it immediately brought back memories of when me and Killua used to listen to this song together years ago while on a roadtrip.

...

**Flashback: Day 2127**

_He's driving and I'm seated in the passenger's seat._

_"Y/N?" he asked in a hushed tone because Gon, Leorio and Kurapika are sleeping at the backseat._

_"Yeah?" I replied, turning my face to look at him._

_"What do you think about my sneakers?" he suddenly asked, his eyes are still on the road._

_I moved my head sideways to check, "I like them. Though you need to buy a new ones asap. They look so worn out,"_

_"Mmmkay," he chuckled then we both fell silent._

_*song suddenly played on the radio*_

_To be young and in love in Yorknew City (Yorknew City)  
To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me  
To be drunk and in love in Yorknew City  
Midnight into morning coffee  
Burning through the hours talking_

_I like me better when I'm with you  
I like me better when I'm with you  
I knew from the first time,  
I'd stay for a long time 'cause  
I like me better when  
I like me better when I'm with you_

_"Y/N?" he asked again._

_"Yeah?"_

_"What do you think about that song?"_

_"It's nice. Lyrics are good but I don't get drunk nor drink coffee in the midnight," I jokingly said then put on a serious tone, "But I really like myself better when I'm with you,"_

_"Me too, I like myself,"_

_"You're such a jerk,"_

_"Love you, you're such a great friend," he grinned._

_I paused. He did it again. He tells me he loves me at the most unexpected times, and it always catches me off guard._

_"I love you too," I muttered low enough for Killua to hear._

...

I was still singing while searching my suitcase on what to wear then I suddenly smiled, recalling that moment.

I got out of trance and then I put on some very light make-up and a cute (f/c) top, matching my tight blue jeans and white sneakers. After a while, I started braiding my hair to the back of my head, twisting my face side to side in the mirror. _Perfect._

Turning towards the door, I caught a glimpse of the wall clock in front of my bed. 8:50 am. _Okay, just in time._

I grabbed my phone and put it in the pocket and walked out my room and into kitchen. Mother and Sister are in the kitchen.

"Oh, look who's looking all nice. Where are you going hun? I thought you won't be out until this afternoon?" said mom, looking all suspicious.

"Mom, I told you yesterday right?"

"Really? I can't remember"

"Eat lunch with Killua, spend some time with him," I explained while leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Oh, yeah right. Be careful honey, and don't push yourself beyond your limit," she advised with a tinge of concern in her voice.

I just nodded. Minutes later, we heard a car honking outside. Killua's here. I hugged my mom tightly and said my goodbye. "Later mom, don't forget okay?"

"Okay! And have fun. Send me a mail after you finish ok? I'll bring your stuff so you don't need to stop by here," she shouted as I went outside.

❦❦❦

I hopped into the car and closed the door. "Hi fluffball, so where are we going?"

"Huh? It was you who asked me out today. Where do you want to go?" he asked, starting the car.

"I dunno. You choose," I shrugged. "Let's have a drink?"

"Huh? I thought you don't like drinking? Why now so suddenly? And I won't let you, after that incident in the bar. You are so vulnerable when you drink,"

"But you are here with me now so it's okay,"

Killua paused for a second. He didn't replied so two of us just sat there, staring into the road as he drive. I felt the wind gently caressing my face and out of nowhere, memories of me and Killua came flooding into my mind.

...

**Flashback: Day 2537**

_"I don't understand!" I am currently talking to some dude I met an hour ago who said his name was Bob or Bern or Boni or something, and I am feeling very tipsy._

_"That's alright, let it all out," he said, feeling his hand grip up and down my thigh but I didn't do anything to stop it._

_"He should've picked me! I was always there for him," I said as I took up another shot of vodka. "But I guess he'll forever see me only as his childhood bestfriend,"_

_"Yeah... he's a jerk," he replied, his hands started trailing on the inside of my thigh._

_"Am I ugly? Do I look like an alien? Why won't he just freaking look at me?" I whimpered._

_Just as I felt his hand started to come in contact with my sensitive part, he suddenly went flying to the wall._

_Oh my god. It's Killua, he's here. Killua's here._

_"Killua! Why'd you do that? He's my friend!" I exclaimed, trying to get off the stool but ended up collapsing on the floor._

_"He's clearly harassing you! What kind of friend is that? C'mon Y/N, let's get you some sleep," then he picked me up bridal style. "You're such a mess,"_

_"One more shot!!" I yelled into his ear, trying to break away from his grasp._

_"Enough, Y/N. That dude was touching you and he knows too well you are drunk. This is why we never let you drink alone," Killua said, raising his voice. He seemed angry._

_"I am perfectly capable of myself," I scowled at him._

_"Y/N, me and Gon, Kurapika and Leorio have been looking for you the past 3 hours. You had us worried sick," he began lecturing._

_I brought my hand up to touch his face, and my fingers came in contact with his lips._

_"So soft," I mumbled as I started tracing them._

_"Y/N, you're drunk,"_

_I continued to caress the features of his face, enjoying this moment. I only have the courage to do these things when I'm drunk._

_He put me down on my bed when we got home and immediately shut my eyes out._

_"I love you," I mumbled, feeling his arms loosen its grip on my back._

_"We all love you, Y/N" I heard him replied as my mind lost consciousness and fell into deep sleep._

...

"Nope, no drinking," Killua finally declared, his eyes still on the road. "How about that café that we always go to?"

"Sounds like great idea," I replied, snapping out from my thoughts. Hmpf, as if I'm the only one here who gets drunk.

...

**Flashback: Day 1985**

_Gon is lying down on the floor, sleeping. Leorio disappeared with someone he hooked up earlier and Kurapika already went back home. Killua and I are still here in my apartment's living room after celebrating my birthday._

_Killua's drunk, I'm not._

_"Y/N?" he whispered._

_"Hmmm?" I faced him, his face red from drinking too much._

_"I need to tell you something. Pinky swear you won't tell anyone okay?" he said as he scooted closer to me._

_"Yeah? What's that? You can trust me fluffball," my heartbeat started thumping louder._

_"I feel a bit lonely sometimes," he professed, looking at the bottle of beer in his hand._

_Ouch. I felt a little pain in my chest. "Why is that?"_

_"Because I live alone in my apartment ever since my family took Alluka back. Whenever I wake up, no one's there to greet me 'good morning', I take trips to grocery alone, and it's sad going home after a mission, finding your house empty and dark,"_

_He sighed and went on, "I feel so damn lonely that I find myself talking to Siri or Alexa sometimes," he chuckled._

_"Killua, you're drunk. You are not yourself right now and you're very emotional. It doesn't suit you, you should probably go to bed now." I said, smiling back at him, "You can use my bed. I'll sleep in the futon,"_

_But what I really wanted to say behind my smile: "Killua, I'd never make you feel lonely. I'd greet you good morning everyday and even bake you chocolate. I'll do the grocery for you and will welcome you with open arms whenever you go home even though it's past 12 am. I'll become your Siri or Alexa and talk to you anything under the sun,"_

_Well, I guess... there are things that are better left unsaid._

❦❦❦

We walked in the local café that we always go to since we are kids. Our senses were instantly overcame by the tantalizing aroma of brewing coffee with a mixture of rich smell of chocolate.

"This place didn't changed one bit," Killua said as we both sat down on one of empty tables near the window.

"Yeah," I answered quietly.

"Hello," smiled the waitress sweetly. "What can I get for you?"

"An extra sweet hot chocolate and 3 slices of chocolate moist cake," Killua replied. "What would you like Y/N?"

I eyed him with are-you-going-to-eat-all-that expression on my face, "Just a cappuccino and a slice of triple dark chocolate cake,"

The waitress repeated our order before walking off. The café was buzzing with people who chatted together as usual.

This place hold so many memories, especially between me and Killua. Happy memories, bad memories, _painful memories. ___

__

__..._ _

__

__**Flashback: Day 2550** _ _

_"Goodness gracious Killua! You startled me," I gave a sudden shout of surprise, placing my hand on my chest._

_"Y/N, I specifically told you to text one of us every hour," he scolded, "I got so damn worried,"_

_"You guys are worse than my mom," I retorted._

_"Not funny, Y/N. You had us searching every place here in Yorknew," he said as he sat on the empty chair in front of me._

_"Sorry, I got too immersed with what I was doing," I answered, feeling a bit guilty._

_"What were you doing anyways?" he raised an eyebrow as he pointed to the notebook I'm holding. "What's that?"_

_"This is nothing," I said as I frantically closed the notebook and immediately put it inside my bag. He looked at me and he knew I was lying._

_"Let me see it, c'mon I'm your bestfriend, no secrets right?" he insisted, trying to grab the notebook but I didn't allow him to._

_"No, Killua. Please. This contains my personal thoughts and I really keep them sacred so it's for my eyes only. I'll tell you what's in it when the time is right," I rambled on as I held my bag tightly, not letting him get it._

_"Well, okay. If you say so," he said, letting out a sigh of defeat._

_We both fell silent for some time and felt the awkward atmosphere between us._

_"I really like Asuna," Killua started to speak up, breaking the silence. "I don't think I didn't stopped liking her even if we parted ways after the hunter exam. There was always this part in my heart that's only for her,"_

_"Okay," was all I can say. My heart hurts, so badly._

_"I hope you don't mind me talking about this, but I know you'll listen. It's awkward to talk to Gon and others about this because they know her personally,"_

_"Go ahead," I meekly replied. 'Go ahead Kil, rip my heart out.' I thought to myself._

_"I feel like we're really made for each other, you know? We have the same interests, we even have the same nen. He accepted me for who I am and didn't judge me despite being an assassin before. I am so happy I found her again after being separated for long time, she's my literal soulmate,"_

_"She's weird as you," I said, looking at my coffee, trying to hold back my tears. Oh god, why does this have to be so painful._

_"Absolutely!" he happily replied, "It's always fun to be with someone as silly as you. There was never a dull moment with her, and we always have something to talk about......" he kept blabbering but my ears couldn't take it any longer so I stopped listening. I just imagined his voice as a noise in the background._

_The whole time he was narrating their story, he was smiling. My. Heart. Fucking. Hurts._

_"Good for you," I replied, pretending to hear what he said._

_'Stop. Kil, please stop. My heart won't stop hurting' I said to myself._

_"Everything always leads me back to her. Every little thing I do, she always comes into my mind,"_

_"Cool," I responded weakly. "Killua, I have to tell you something," suddenly the words tumbled out of my mouth._

_"Sure," he said, as he propped his one hand on this chin. "I've been talking too much anyways,"_

_"I, uh... I've been wanting to tell you about this for a long time," my hands clutched tightly on my bag with the notebook inside._

_"I love you,"_

_"That's it?" he smiled. "You know I love you too, Y/N. You're my bestfriend after all,"_

_"T-that's not it, it's different. Kil, listen. I-"_

_"Y/N-Chan!!!!! You are here!!!!" I turned around and see Gon running towards us together with Asuna._

_"U-uh, yeah," I uttered. "Killua found me,"_

_"That's great!" Asuna chimed in. "Now that we know you're here, can you accompany me to the supermarket, Kil?" she turned her attention to Killua._

_"Can it wait baby? Y/N was about to say something,"_

_"No, no, no. It's okay. It was not really that important," I gave him a bitter smile. "Maybe next time. The supermarket might close soon so you gotta start walking if you want to make it,"_

_"Are you sure?" he asked, gesturing to stand up._

_I cleared my throat, "Of course! Now go!"_

_"Alright, see you later, Y/N" he said, ruffling my hair before going away with Asuna._

_As they were both out of sight, I collapsed into Gon and cried my heart out. I sobbed into his chest unceasingly, my hands clutching at his shirt. He held me in silence as my tears soaked his chest._

_I cried and cried and cried. That's all I wanted to do. I want to let it all out because it's killing me inside._

_Gon was very understanding as he permitted my emotion to wear itself out. He knew along with Kurapika that I'm in love with Killua for a very long time._

_"Y/N-chan, just give up on him," I heard his hoarse voice as he patted my back, trying to console me._

_"I wish it was that easy, I'm trying my hardest, you know?" I murmured, hugging Gon tightly._

__..._ _

__

__"Oi, Y/N. Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" Killua worriedly asked as he arranged the food in our table. Ah, our food has been served. I didn't even noticed._ _

__"Yeah, I am. I always am, silly fluffball,"_ _

__"You've been spacing out a lot lately," he said as he took a piece of my dark chocolate. _This idiot, that's my cake.__ _

__"Am I?"_ _

__"Yeah,"_ _

__"Well, It's that time of the month,"_ _

__"Oh..." and just like that, he didn't insisted further. That's the best way to shut Killua's inquisitive mouth._ _

__We've talked for hours and hours about everything. He kept checking his phone from time to time but I don't care. I am happy to be with him for the last time._ _

__Seeing his smiles, the way his fluffy hair flail in the wind, the way his bangs cover his eyes sometimes, and how beautiful his blue eyes shine. Those ocean-like eyes that makes me drown whenever I see it. They are so mesmerizing, I couldn't take my eyes off them._ _

__Although there was a time when we were still young, his eyes were lifeless. They were unmistakably the eyes of the killer, there was no doubt about it. They were once lifeless, but now it is full of emotion. His eyes are better this way._ _

__I checked my watch. I need to go. It is time. The time I knew would come sooner or later but dreaded. I sent my mom a message as promised._ _

__"Kil, I need to go. Thanks for coming here with me. I know you are busy preparing for tomorrow's-"_ _

__"Baaaka! It's okay. I always enjoy my time with you and I miss this place a lot. And we didn't had the chance to hang out lately. Gon and the others missed you, you know" he said as we stood up and walked out of the café._ _

__"Oh, really?" I asked skeptically._ _

__"C'mon, ride in. I'll take you home," he yelled over, opening the passenger door of the car._ _

__"No, no. I can go home by myself. Seriously, you don't need to," I declined and closed the door._ _

__He opened the door again, "Pleaaaase. Let me drive you home," he said with puppy eyes, looking at me with great concern._ _

___Fuck. How could I resist that?_ "Okay then, but on one condition. I'll drive,"_ _

__"Okay. Deal."_ _

__

____

❦❦❦

**A/N: Play the audio for extra feels**

"Y/N, where are we going? This is not the way going to your house," Killua asked, looking at me with a baffled expression as he noticed that I'm driving in a different route.

"I need to go somewhere. I thought you said you want to drive me home?"

"Yeah. But you never mentioned that you'll be stopping by somewhere," he retorted.

"Oww, sorry. Forgive me?"

"Silly Y/N,"

After 30 minutes, we reached the place. _Lingon Airport._

As I put the car on a stop, Killua started to ask me, feeling confused, "Y/N? What's the meaning of this? Why are we here? "

I didn't answer. I checked my watch again, 3:00 pm. Mother should already be here somewhere.

"Neee, Y/N..." Killua started to panic.

Heaving a sigh, I turned sideways and looked at him, "Killua, I'm really sorry. I won't be attending your wedding tomorrow. I have a flight today at 4:30 pm. I'm so sorry,"

"But why... I-i, you need to be there. You are my bestfriend,"

_What? Are you seriously telling that to me? You are so insensitive. Fuck this, I can't lie anymore._

"That's the problem Kil, you only see me as your bestfriend," I snapped, completely.

"I've been in love with you for as long as I've known you and it drives me crazy seeing you with someone else. It was too painful for me to handle but I care for you so much so I stayed by your side," I said as my voice started to quiver.

Suddenly, all of my bottled-up feelings exploded. I cannot this suppress anymore. The walls that hold me up and make me strong just collapsed.

_Y/N, stop. Stop. No, don't tell him._

"I wanted so much to be in Asuna's position. The reason of your smile, the reason of your everything. I have so much love to give you Kil, I have always been with you. I wish I could be the one making you happy instead. There's so much things I wanted to do for you. You were always near me but your heart is somewhere far away I can't reach" I went on, my mouth won't seem to stop. No, it wasn't my mouth talking, it was my heart.

"It was difficult for me to move on because I'm still holding onto that little bit of hope," my voice broke and started sobbing so hard. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face.

"For almost three thousand days that I'm in love with you, I'm holding onto that tiny pinch of hope that someday you'll fucking open your eyes and see me. And I cried for what will never happen. I cried and I cried and I cried all the time." I tried to look out the window of the car, as if the light could soothe me.

He stayed quiet, probably loss for words or I don't know. He was probably too shocked to take in everything I said.

"And attending your wedding will be a _complete and utter torture for me._ So please, if you really treat me as your bestfriend, can you please let me go?" I begged him as I looked into his eyes with so much pain.

Killua suddenly hugged me tightly, so tight that I could hardly move. And then tears started to stream down his face. It seemed like he has been hurting too, but not as much as I have.

"Y/N, I am really sorry. I am the biggest idiot in the world. How could I hurt you? The least person I don't really want to see being hurt," I can hear his sniffs that echoed through my ears.

"I don't want you to leave me and I want you to be always there for me but that would be selfish, right? You are very special to me and will always be. So I am letting you go Y/N... and one day, if you decided to come back, I'll be here. We shall meet again," he said between sobs.

"Thank you, for everything. I love you, Killua. Goodbye," I said as I let go of the hug and wiped my tears. I looked him into the eyes one last time and gave him a farewell kiss in the lips.

"And by the way, advance Congratulations on your wedding day. I wish you all the happiness in life. I mean it. And if she hurt you, call me asap, ok?"

He smiled. His half-hearted smile. I would never ever forget that.

I got out of the car and look at person I love the most one last time, "Until we meet again..." 

**Day 3000**

I checked my clock, 12:00 am.

Currently I'm staying at a hotel somewhere in Kakin Kingdom. I grabbed my phone from my bag and set the alarm for later. I set the time to 11:00 am and changed my alarm tone back on default, the one that sounds like death. Yosh! All set!

After a while, I took out my diary from my suitcase and started writing.

_Today is the day I have been waiting for. It's finally here. This is gonna be a turning point in my life. Today will be the start of a new beginning and leave the past behind. This is the day where I will start to protect myself and heart, to heal the damage.The day I decide to move on, let go and move forward towards the unknown. The day when I can finally give up the love of my life whom I have been loving for 3000 days._

_I don't know for how long am I still going to love him but I know, one day, these feelings will go away in time and will stop counting the days. But today is the day that I will bury that tiny hope that lingers in my heart. The wedding day of my best friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter is confusing. Feel free to leave some comments if you have any questions.
> 
> Not so fun fact: I started watching HxH (1999) when I was around 8, 9 or 10 years old. And I have always been a fan of Killua since then.
> 
> I didn't count the days but I can count the years. It has been like 18, 19 or 20 years ago now, my admiration for Killua.
> 
> Well, I think y'all just guessed my age. Ssshh.


	6. Choco-Robo of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Fluff

_Killua Zoldyck._ The name alone invariably triggers my annoyance button, which almost never gets pushed by anyone else.

Ever since our catastrophic first meeting, when he snatched away that very last piece of Choco-robo I was going to buy in the cafeteria, every interaction with him was infuriating.

Our second encounter was not any good either and in fact, it only made matters worse.

I was waiting for my friend Bisky outside the school gates when I saw that obnoxious silver-haired guy walking towards my direction. Together with him is the one with spiky dark hair that seemed to defy gravity. When he saw me, he halted for a second and looked at me as if I have some kind of contagious disease.

My mom raised me to be a good girl so I tried to be sociable despite his poor demeanor.

"Hi! Good afternoon! I'm Y/N L/N, do you know where my friend Bisky is? She's in your class," I asked trying to sound friendly and respectful.

"Tch. I don't talk to strangers," he said with a dry tone and expression as he walked off, dragging the spiky haired guy.

_What the hell?_ This guy clearly has a big attitude problem.

"C'mon, Killua you don't have to be so rude," said the spiky haired guy whom I presume his name was Gon based from their chattering.

"Y/N-chan, was it? Bisky-chan still have cleaning duties but she'll probably come out soon," he yelled out making a peace sign as Killua dragging him away leaving me there dumbfounded.

I can't help but to feel pissed, you know? But who wouldn't? Honestly in the first place, I'm the one who should be offended, not him because that Choco-robo was rightfully mine.

Well, at least Gon is a good guy. How come they're friends? They're total opposites.

Whenever I visit Bisky before her class starts, he would always treat me rudely.

During that one moment, I stepped into the classroom and I was greeted by a scowl on his face. "Huh? What are you doing here? You are not supposed to be here," he scoffed all of a sudden then he sat down on his chair, chin resting on his hand and gazed outside the window.

"He's so unbelievable," I complained under my breath where only Bisky can hear, ignoring his comment.

"What happened to both of you? He seems to hate you a lot," she asked with a confused look on her face.

"I have no idea Bis, we really never had the chance to talk before that Choco-robo stuff happened. I'm as puzzled as you,"

"Maybe he likes you?" Bisky ventured. "But he doesn't want to,"

"Ewww no. Did you had a good look on his face? His face looked like he wants to eat me alive," I raised an eyebrow.

Suddenly, students started murmuring as if I can't hear their voices.

_Poor girl, Killu hates her..._

_She must've done something bad... Killua never dislikes anyone_

_Maybe she confessed and got rejected and she's still annoying him?_

I've had enough of this. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Still trying to keep my cool, I stood up, gathered my things and stomped out of the classroom.

Days, weeks has passed and nothing has changed. His eyes always narrowed with hostility whenever he sees me. It's actually not a big deal for me because I barely knew the guy, but what bothers me is that I knew I didn't do something wrong but he kept acting like I trampled his manhood.

Whenever we meet at the corridor, he completely disregards me and act as if I don't exist. But me, playing the good girl, I still believe that maybe somewhere deep down his heart, there's that tiny room of kindness for me. I mean, he is not rude to other people, just me.

Although feeling reluctant, I still tried to greet him as if nothing was going on, "G-good morning, Killua-kun!"

He stopped in his tracks abruptly and replied before walking away, "Y/N, you don't need to greet me you know. I can tell when you're nearby 'coz I can smell your girly scent from far away,"

I'm left standing there, completely rejected as my face turned red when I heard him utter my name.

Wait! I might be wrong but I swear I saw the corners of his mouth twitched up a little.

_Was it a smile?_

_Is he trying to rile me up on purpose again?_

_I don't get this guy at all._

"I won't give up," I muttered to myself as I stormed off the opposite direction.

❦❦❦

I thought that because of Killua's obvious scorn for me, he would completely shun and avoid me. But it seemed to be the other way around, and I would literally meet him wherever I went.

If I were walking to the music room, I could probably find him loitering around that area, ready to spit out offensive comments about me.

Or if I'm going to the gym for practice he would probably be along the entrance, staring at me with pins and needles.

For some reason, luck is not on my side as I would see him almost everywhere I go. It bothered me so much to the point that he is always on my mind. I always rant and complain to Bisky how much he occupied my mind and agitate me on the daily basis.

Well, he is really handsome and popular at school. I know he can talk normally, smile and laugh because I caught him occasionally having discussion with his friends. But he never talked like that to me.

That Zoldyck brat was still on my head, jumbling in my mind as I walked through the corridors. Caught up in my thoughts, I didn't noticed that Gon was in front of me, causing me to bump and stumbled on the floor.

"Y/N-chan! I'm so sorry, are you okay?" he questioned, his face full of worry as he offered his hand to pull me up.

I took his hand and yanked myself up, feeling embarrassed. "It's okay. I'm sorry too, it's my fault for spacing out," I said, shaking off the dirt from my skirt.

"By the way, where are you going Gon-kun?" I added.

"I'm actually looking for Killua. We have Football practice today. Actually, he's been disappearing a lot lately. I wonder what he's up to," Gon replied with a mischievous face as if he's implying something.

I only shrugged, not understanding what he meant. "Well, I'm sorry Gon-kun, in as much as I would like to help you to search for Killua-kun, it won't be possible you know. He hates me,"

The ravenette guy snickered mysteriously, "Y/N-chan, I bet you you'll find him before I do,"

And then he left before I could ask more questions. Still curious about what Gon meant, I climbed down the stairs towards the vending machine. As I made a turn, I found myself face to face with that silver-haired Zoldyck. When I looked at him, his feline shaped blue eyes were already staring back at me.

"Oi, hag! What are you doing loitering around here?" the taller male started complaining, looking down at me.

_How on earth? This boy is going to drive me insane. Wait, he is already driving me insane._

"This vending machine is free for all students to use, why can't I be here? And besides, I should be the one asking you this question. Don't you have Football practice today?" I countered, crossing my arms, feigning irritation.

"I-uh, there's no practice today. Gon's busy. Speaking of, why do you smell like Gon? Did you two met? Did he said something to you?" Killua asked in rapid succession, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at me.

"H-he didn't s-"

I tried to respond but he cut me off, "Tch, I don't care. Go play around with him for all I care," he spoke coldly as he put his hands inside his pocket and I just watch him turn away.

_One second, wasn't Gon just looking for Killua for practice?_ My gut instinct told me that he's lying. Why was he so mad? What is wrong with him? That idiot was so exasperating and absolutely confusing.

I looked down, feeling so conflicted. Everything I did seemed to get on his nerves. I just wanted to get on good terms with him, yet he kept ignoring me. Just because of Choco-robos?

This incident was the last straw. Right there and then, I finally decided to find out the reason why he hated me so much.

❦❦❦

The next day, I spotted the Zoldyck brat at the vending machine again.

"H-hey Killua-kun, can I ta-" I began to speak but was interrupted almost immediately.

"What do you want this time? Didn't I say not to talk to me?"

"Yeah, but -"

Killua turned suddenly and slammed my back into the wall, placing his elbow on one side of my head. He got up real close to me, so close that I could see every lines on his face. His breath pierced my nose and he looked down with me with his eyes which made me feel uneasy. It was like a cat staring at his prey.

I attempted to speak up but my throat was dry. I wanted to say something but words didn't came out of my mouth, completely intimidated by his presence.

The silver-haired guy glared at me intensely. I met his eyes and he changed his stance a little bit. And I must admit, his blue eyes are so attractive.

I can feel him leaning closer as if he's about to kiss me but he paused all of a sudden, shoving me roughly before he started to turn his back and walk away.

_What the?! Is walking away the only thing he's good at?_

Tossing all logic out of the window, I grabbed his right hand before he could fully leave. He was stunned and turned his head to face me.

"You. Me. Rooftop, now." I quickly exclaimed before I could have second thoughts on what I'm about to do.

Still not letting go of his hand, I dragged him up towards the rooftop and surprisingly, he had yet to pull away.

Upon reaching the rooftop, I turned to face Killua trying not to look nervous and edgy but my stomach was churning. He only gazed at me expectantly as I ran through my mind finding what to say to him.

I cleared my throat, "K-killua, why do you hate me so much? I don't know how I offended you but I hope you forgive me. I just want us to get along as schoolmates!"

His dazzling blue orbs looked at me and it almost felt like he is staring into my soul. Then he opened his mouth and said, "Hate you? What are you talking about?"

I was dumbstruck. After many weeks worth of rude exchanges with the guy, I couldn't believe he was refusing the fact that he hates me.

"So you are saying that telling me to shut up and go away is a normal behavior of yours?"

He went silent for a second and I could physically feel the atmosphere change.

His pupils narrowed, as if realizing something. "That was... I'm just not... used to this feeling?"

I raised my eyebrow. He looked so conflicted, as if trying to find a way to reply to me.

"Killua-kun, I'm not sure what I did wrong, but if you think I was mad at you for snatching that last Choco-robo, I'm not. To tell you frankly, you ignoring me really made me hurt,"

"No I didn't mean to made you feel hurt... I just ARGGGGHHH THIS IS SO STUPID," he freaked out as he tousled his hair in frustration.

_Uh-oh. Killua-kun snapped. Abort mission. Understand? Abort!_

Before I could run, he snatched my shoulders from behind. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for impact from his fists. However, much to my surprise, I felt no impact but instead he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of his body pressed against his. His embrace was warm, and his big strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around my frail body. Then I only heard him utter a few words.

"I LIKE YOU DUMBASS,"

My heart started pounding at a increasingly rapid pace at his confession.

"I've never seen a girl like you who love Choco-robos as much I as I do and I've been watching you ever since that time," he paused.

"You are very kind and polite, and you've been running around to help other people and you look so cute. You made me feel emotions that I never had before and I always think of you. I really wanted to approach, talk to you and give you compliments but I end up insulting you instead," he admitted.

He immediately let go of my shoulders and shoved me away from him, putting a distance between us.

"Uhh, just forget what I said, okay? Nevermind it!" The male hurriedly turned and left. I heard him muttered to himself, _this is so embarrassing._

I flung my hands up to my mouth as my heart hammered my chest. I just stood there frozen to the spot watching him leave. Confusion clouded my brain.

_What just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first attempt with Killua in school AU.
> 
> This makes me wanna go back to school... I kinda' miss the feeling. The irony. Lmao.
> 
> Hope y'all liked it! Stay safe! ♡


	7. One Winter Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENTS:  
> \- Fluff
> 
> AUDIO:  
> -Shigatsu Kimi no Uso OST - Spring Melody

**A/N: You may play the audio <3 **

Every morning, Yorknew City Train Station is always congested. It is a scene of great hustle and bustle from all walks of life with so many different faces and people scatter around like living litter.

Day by day, people like me leave our houses approximately the same time. We have more or less predetermined tempo at which we proceed to the train station and even have specific places on the platform where we stand and wait for the train.

I always wait for the 7:45 am train. Whenever it arrives, it pulls up at a painstakingly slow pace and stop with a loud, screeching noise allowing the impatient business people, tourists and students to board.

Today was no different. I waited alone, minding my own business and doing what I always do. _Watching people._ That's right, I study people. I guess that's what you call curiosity. But unlike the cat from the famous proverb, humans don't come back alive. Once you are dead, you stay dead so I just keep the comments to myself.

During winter, people tend to keep their distance from each other most probably because they don't want to catch flu from other people. This gives me comfort knowing that people wouldn't randomly come up to me and ask for directions or anything.  


❦❦❦

  
It was an early and cold winter morning in December and to my surprise, it was snowing. The city transformed into thick blanket of white and the snow covered all the mud, the dirt and the ugliness.

I was alone as usual as I wait for the train, shivering a little from the chilly wintry air and listening to loud music through my earphones. I lift the hood of my coat as a few drops of snow fell around me and my hair. I actually don't mind the snow at all but I don't want to get sick either.

For the first time in all the months I'd been taking the train, a tall boy with fluffy silver hair, very pale skin almost similar to snow and captivating deep blue eyes has caught my attention. He walked up beside me and stood there, also waiting for the train to come.

He wasn't a regular like most of the people who stood near me but what seemed like out of ordinary was he stood suspiciously close to me.

Neither of us said anything to each other but as I slowly turned to steal a glance, he was doing the same thing to me.

I met his piercing blue eyes with my own. Not the ordinary blue like the sky or crayon, it was crystal deep blue like the sea where I could drown in it anytime. As I slightly smirked upon the little interaction we had, his cheeks reddened in response knowing that he'd been caught staring at me.

At the same time, both of us turned our attention back to our phones and the music the two of us were listening to.

I noticed that he was shivering a lot more than I am. He was wearing a tight blue skinny jeans, a buttoned green flannel shirt and long black winter coat. It looked expensive but it doesn't seem to help to keep himself warm. His hands cautiously held a steaming take-away coffee cup from which he took sips every few seconds.

From the corner of my eye, I watched him for some time before removing my headphones and scarf, deciding it won't hurt to talk to him.

I held out my scarf in front of him, suggesting to take it. I gave him a warm, beautiful smile of greeting despite the crisp cold air messing up with my hair.

He removed his headphones as his eyes lightened and smiled back. Damn, smiles do really have the power to reach places that sun can't and it helped me warm my soul.

"Thanks," he said, still with a broad smile plastered on his face.

The silver-haired guy tried to wrap it up around his neck, while holding his coffee and phone in one hand, forgetting his headphones were also hanging around his neck.

I tried to hold my laughter in as he tried once more to remove his arm from a loop in the scarf.

"D-don't laugh at me," his face looked so embarrassed as he stammered.

"I'm not," I responded before covering my mouth with my hand to hide my smile, feeling a little bit guilty.

He rolled his eyes as he continued to fix the scarf-headphones tangled mess by yanking his phone away from his neck although he looked like as if he's about to spill his coffee and drop the phone at the same time.

After a while, he successfully removed the headphones and my scarf was now securely wrapped around his neck. However his coffee had somehow lost its lid probably due to the gust of wind and now spilled all over my brown coat.

Shutting my eyes, I rummaged through my bag for some tissue paper. But before I could find any, he suddenly interrupted me.

"Allow me," the gentlemen muttered under his breath.

Before I knew it, he dabbed his white handkerchief in my coat, trying not to touch too much. He turned into a total blushing mess. It made me giggle how flustered he looked like trying to help me.

All of a sudden, an announcement came over the speaker which made most of the people on the platform to remove their earphones and pay attention.

**Attention passengers on platform three. The next train has been delayed due to severe snowfall. Every effort is being made to restore services to normal as quickly as possible. Estimated time will be after 20 minutes. We apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you.**

Most passengers on the platform groaned, others put back their earphones and continue what they were doing before.

I turned my head to face the tall guy standing next to me who's name was still a mystery.

"Then I guess this gives us more time to get to know each other..." the guy trailed off before continuing, "My name's Killua,"

I held out my hand, smiling back at him, "Nice meeting you Killua, I'm Y/N."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is a short one 'coz I'm guessing you might be tired from reading the long chapters~


	8. Drunk or Sober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTAINS:  
> \- Fluff  
> \- Mature  
> \- Minor Cursing  
> \- Suggestive
> 
> Characters are aged.

Y/N was standing in front of Leorio's apartment building, where his bachelor party was being held. She sighed deeply, thinking this was just going to be a party filled with guys getting drunk.

She knocked on the door and after awhile, it creaked open where behind it stood a familiar tall guy in his early twenties. It was Killua. His eyes were blood-shot, his cheeks glowed and his fluffy silver locks, which looked like it hadn't been combed for days, was slightly matted. Even though he stood a few meters away, Y/N can smell the harsh scent of alcohol emanating from his body. He has to be drunk.

"C'mon, Y/N! Take a drink! It won't hurt," she heard Leorio shouted inside the apartment, his voice a little bit slurred.

"You know I don't drink Leorio. I'm sorry, but I'm here to pick Killua up," she waved her hand, declining. "Hope you enjoyed your night! See you soon!"

Killua stepped out and closed the door without waiting for Leorio's response. As he struggled to keep his balance, he rested his forehead on Y/N's shoulders, snuffling the crook of her neck.

"You smell so nice and warm, Y/N" he said, causing her to quiver as his voice resonated to her body.

The silverette took a deep breath and draped his arms around Y/N. She frowned, starting to feel really concerned as she had certainly never seen him drink the way he had tonight. Killua simply couldn't tolerate being out of control, but she was deeply moved when he contacted her instead of going together with Gon.

"Seriously Kil, I'm not picking your drunk ass ever again," Y/N complained and removed his arms as she started to carry him to the parking lot where his car was.

"But if you won't, then I-i would neeeeeed to walk home and... and... I might get attacked by a bunch of fan girls that wanna daaaate me," he retorted incoherently.

"Keep dreaming! Let's go home, you drunktard," she giggled, helping him get the seat belt on but before she go, he swiftly grabbed her arm.

"Y/N, did I ever tell you how stunning your eyes are?" Killua whispered into her ear. Y/N likes Killua a lot but it never crossed her mind that he would like her back - and now that he's drunk and hitting on her, her face couldn't help but turn crimson.

"Uhm, you never told me," she replied awkwardly, putting some of her hair behind her ear with her free hand. "You're going to make me blush if you keep being so sweet,"

"That's the intention. You look really cute when you blush too," he leaned forward and his face even closer to hers.

"God Killua, why do you do this to me?"

"Do you like when I do this?" his words are sexy and tempting, but Y/N had to keep in mind that he is drunk and this wasn't him.

A sigh escaped Y/N's lips instead of responding at his teasing. She loved this part of Killua too but he never really did this when he was sober, which she assumed that it was just the rambling of a drunken man.

He still didn't let her go so she tried to pull away, but he held his grip tighter and stared at her lips. Y/N's insides felt on fire and that triggered a primitive response beyond her control.

She raised her hand to his face and with a light touch of her fingers, he traced his chin. Such a firm chin. Then she touched the corner of his lips. So warm and soft. And when she looked at his lips, she automatically moistened hers. The desire was there to pull him and kiss him. As she lifted her eyes to his, she found those warm blue eyes pierced her as if he could see inside her soul to the anticipation that fired her body.

"Killua, come on, I have work tomorrow," she snapped from her delusion and turned away, finally pulling her arm from his grip.

"Y/N, let's stay like this for a while please,"

"Let's. Go. Home. End of argument,"

She began to drive back to her place, deciding that it's better since she didn't trust him on his own.

"Where we goinnnnn," the teen Zoldyck hummed, throwing his back onto the seat.

"My place, I don't trust you on your own,"

"Can we get a little warm back there?" he looked at her with a smirk on his face.

Again, his words made her blush all over. She is not used hearing Killua making dirty comments. "No way Kil! You are drunk,"

"But it's cold out, blanket won't be enough,"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with you, Zoldyck,"

Soon enough, they both arrived at Y/N's house and directed him out of the car.

"Watch your step," she helped him up, opening the door and letting him in. He did a drunken wobbly walk till he plopped down on the small couch in the living room.

"So, Y/N... are you going to take up my offer?" he pleaded, looking up to her seductively.

She held her gaze in a penetrating stare, shaking her head vigorously before attempting to walk off. Yet, the drunken Zoldyck grabbed the hem of her shirt.

"Killua, please. I need to go to bed now. I have to get up early," that's what she said but she had other thoughts in mind.

"We won't take long, Y/N,"

She was caught off guard by the sudden vibrancy in his voice, "You know I can't do that when you are drunk, Kil,"

"But your voice says otherwise. Damn Y/N, you make it so hard. You are so attractive and your eyes always sparkle in light that whenever we are together, I always stare at them when you're not looking. Your hair perfectly flows along your shoulders, and your body makes me wanna rip those clothes and -" he went on but she had to cut him before he could get into detail about his imagination.

"Kil..." she said pleadingly, contemplating what he said. Her heart was melting because even if he's drunk, he said it with such sincerity. She hadn't been complimented like that for a long time outside her family.

"Sorry, did I say you make it hard? I meant you really made me hard, Y/N"

"S-stop making fun of me," she stuttered, her face flushed red with embarrassment.

Y/N was debating internally whether this was just alcohol talking or him speaking his mind. There was this famous saying: _A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts._

Then he suddenly stroked her face gently, "I'm not making fun of you. I'm just being honest. Is it wrong?"

"Go to sleep, snowball. Maybe you can fantasize more in your dreams," she said, prying his hands of her shirt but it was becoming difficult to resist the temptation, the urge was so alluring.

"You know what? If you sleep now, maybe I'll give you a kiss that you can look forward tomorrow," she grinned at him.

"Well, if you put it like that... then I shall sleep now," he suddenly pulled a blanket over him and turned to the other side, pretending to snore.

Heaving a sigh of relief upon achieving her goal, she walked up the steps to her room , "Goodnight Killua..." smiling broadly to herself.  


❦❦❦

  
The next morning, Y/N woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs cooking. She immediately jumped out of the bed and tiptoed down the stairs. As she approached the kitchen, she could hear the sound of water running and clanking of the pots.

 _I must be dreaming._ Y/N whispered to herself as she saw Killua setting up the breakfast on the table, which was odd because she never knew he could cook.

"It's about time you wake up, I thought I was going to drag you out of bed," the silverette greeted while pouring up two cups of black coffee.

She looked around at the kitchen, which was a total wreck and smiled, "I see you have been very busy,"

There were two pots and one pan in the sink, a bowl in the counter with egg residue along with egg beaters, spatulas, measuring cup, egg shells, and a pack of bacon. She had to admit that the food looked pretty tasty.

But what caught the most of her attention was Killua. He looked very hot in a pair of well-fitted jeans and a dark red t-shirt that showed off a lean and muscular torso and powerful arms. His T-shirt was practically tucked in to his jeans in the front, revealing a black leather belt that rode low on his lean hips.

She tardily realized that he was handing her a brimming cup of coffee. Her cheeks heated, she'd been caught staring at his body and the way his jeans cupped his manhood.

"Thank you," she murmured, "And why are you up so early? Thought you'd be spending the morning at the toilet bowl,"

"Nope. Only Leorio would do that," he chuckled, his voice coated with joy to her surprise. "I did a little something, you are the only woman I have ever cooked for, not counting Menchi, so go easy on me when you taste it,"

"Wow, so I guess I should feel special," she playfully responded as she made her way to the table.

His eyes gleamed in amusement seeing Y/N enjoy her coffee and eating her meal - slowly taking her time. He's smiling sweetly and gently at her.

Noticing his stare, she asked curiously, "Why are you so happy? You were never the morning person Kil,"

"Maybe you'd be happy if you have something to look forward to like me," he retorted with a smirk.

Y/N was utterly confused, she had no clue what he was talking about.

"You forgot about it didn't you?"

"What in the world are you talk-"

"My kiss. You owe me one, and you should pay up soon,"

Her mind suddenly remembered the hazy memories of last night, and she did in fact, promised him a kiss. But she only did it so he could bribe him to go to sleep and quite confident that he'd forget it the next morning. She felt utterly unprepared to deal with this.

"How in the world were you even rational enough to remember that?" she questioned in shock.

"I can be very determined when I want to be,"

She hummed in response. It took a few seconds to collect herself, after thinking hard whether she would do it or not. Well, Y/N had waited long enough, she thought it was probably the time to know what it was like to kiss a man, not just a simple man, but a man she has feelings with.

"O-okay, but at least let me brush my teeth first," she half joked, not wanting her first kiss to get bad. First kisses are special, and it's something that people always remember.

"Well, you can prepare all you want but to be honest, I have a feeling our kiss would be good either way,"

"Killua, are you serious about this? And what about those uh, those stuff you said last night?" she asked, starting to wonder whether he meant what he said or he is just being a fuckboy.

"I, uh, I really do like you... and all I said last night was true. That was all me," he admitted. "I've been really wanting to say that to you but it was difficult. Alcohol helped me loosen up," he replied, scratching the back of his head.

"You really think about me that much?" she questioned sheepishly.

"All the time,"

He made Y/N feel so special. He always did but she is dense in some ways.

She stopped eating and finished her last bite. Standing up for the table, she hurriedly went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Afterwards, Y/N grabbed a listerine strip, placed it on her tongue, waiting for it to melt.

"That fixes that," she said, referring to her morning breath before walking over to Killua who has been intently watching her with anticipation.

Y/N stared deep into his sapphire blue eyes and he looked back at her with passion, cupping her cheek that was slowly turning pink. Killua smiled before gradually leaning into her. Both of their hearts beating so loudly and it felt like it was going to explode.

She tilted her head and closed her eyes- feeling his breath inching closer to her until their lips met. It was their first kiss. All the good feeling Y/N felt in her entire life, mashed up into this moment. The kiss they shared was filled with affection and love.

A strange heat began to penetrate through the pit of her stomach. It traveled downward, burning the core of her body. All the waiting, the want, the urge, the hormones, the feelings all led up to this. Never in her imagination had she thought how Killua's kiss would set her aflame.

As the kiss deepened, his tongue flicked out to trace the dividing seam of her lips. Surprisingly, Y/N opened her mouth and let his warm tongue dart in, gently exploring every inch of it.

Y/N wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him even closer. Her breasts touched his chiseled chest which aroused in her a burning sensation she had not experienced before.

They would stop for a while to catch their breaths and would continue the sweet exploration of their mouths with another warm kiss.

The kiss ended as Killua pulled away and Y/N's mind started functioning again. She fought down the awakened fires burning inside her, the inner war between her senses and sensibility.

Meanwhile, Killua knew she was far too innocent to be taken like this and he refused to behave so irresponsibly.

With a tortured sigh, he finally pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. He continued to stroke her hair for a moment before started to speak again.

"Y/N, you have no idea how bad I would like to go further but I am going to respect you and I'd like to take it one step at a time,"

She clung to him still, his warmth and his strength surrounding her are making her feel safe. "Thank you Kil, you don't know how much it meant to me," she spoke with what calmness she could muster over the pounding of her heart.

"Promise me, no matter what, starting from now, we'll always be together forever," his dazzling blue eyes were overwhelmed with emotion.

She smiled back and kissed his cheeks, "Forever and a day,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I think the last part felt so rushed. I was sleepy when typing. XD


	9. Summer Night Love [LEMON]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. R-18. Contains mature themes and explicit languages not suitable for all readers. Please don't read if you are not comfortable with the elements stated above. Characters are within the age of consent.

Springtime rolled on into the beginning of summer. The air began to hold its warmth, and the sun stayed to visit a little longer each day.

Y/N enjoys her busy work schedule and the evenings at their family's chocolate shop. Killua and Y/N spend the few hours they have each night hanging out in her room or going out with their friends.

Although they haven't known each other long enough, both are pretty sure that they are passionately in love. She is drawn to him like a moth to a flame, knows every detail and curve of his face and also the way his blue orbs sparkle when he smiles.

Killua is her first love and she never knew how intense one could feel for someone. Every thought she had was of him and all of his thoughts were of her.

"Nee, Y/N... why don't we go somewhere to eat? Maybe a fancy restaurant or something?" Killua suddenly suggested out of the blue while sitting on the carpet of her room, playing NBA2k20 on the Xbox.

"You know, I'm getting tired of all these fancy restaurants and I don't have enough money today," she stretched out my arms before lying down on the bed and started fidgeting her phone.

"Baaaaka! You know that money is never an issue for me,"

"Forgive me for being prideful and stubborn but I won't let you pay for me any longer,"

He put down the controller and turned off the Xbox. Then he slumped down beside her, propped on his elbow while his hand holding his head mere inches from Y/N.

"So what do you want to do? I'm bored and hungry," said the silverette, flashing his most wickedly seductive grin.

"You're always hungry," she mocked, sarcasm is thick in her voice.

He sighed in defeat, "Okay... then let's talk,"

"Fine. About what?" Y/N asked after clicking her phone and placed it on the bedside table.

"Do you think the world is going to end soon?"

She rolled on the other side to face the silverette. "Are you really asking me that?" she responded trying to keep a straight face and hold her laughter. He looked so cute asking some serious stuff like this.

"Yeah. I'm curious,"

"Well... no, not really. I mean, I don't think about it that much," she shrugged, not really knowing what to answer.

"Some people think the world is going to end this year. You know, because of this pandemic stuff. Or there is the theory of global warming and we still have threats in our solar system that no one seems to talk about. And oh, and what if we try to live on Mars and—"

Y/N cut him off, "Killua?"

"Yeah?" he looked at her innocently, maintaining eye contact.

"Why don't do something else?" she suggested, attempting to shift the awkward conversation. He is such a smartass that sometimes Y/N can't keep up with the way he thinks.

"Oh okay sure,"

"I can ask my parents to take the car and we can drive somewhere,"

"No. Actually, I was thinking we could stay here," he got up and sat in the same bed.

"Well, there isn't much to do here in my room,"

"Then let me make love to you, Y/N" he blurted out, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at her. Suddenly he stood up and walked to the door, opened it slightly before closing and lock it completely.

That comment made her to blush, her cheeks became red and the heat burning her face momentarily. She suddenly remembered the first time they did it. The way he was stroking it inside her felt so good that she couldn't stop moaning the whole time. It was intimate, passionate and everything was so wild — just thinking about it made her excited.

"How blunt. Killua, my parents are home," Y/N reasoned out but somewhere deep inside, she was looking forward to do it.

"So?"

"I'm loud," she said half choking, clearly embarrassed.

Walking towards her, the silverette sat down again and turned her head to his direction. "Since when that was a problem?"

"It wasn't but I don't think my parents will appreciate it,"

"Tch, you act like you've never heard them have sex before," Killua bent his head and started planting gentle kisses along her neck and shoulder which is visible on her black spaghetti strap tops. "Come onnnn, it will be be fun. I promise I'll let you cover your mouth,"

"Don't keep promises you can't keep,"

"Y/N, I'm practically begging here. If you don't want to have sex in here then lets borrow your parent's car and fuck," he whispered in the sexiest voice she had ever heard, sending shivers down her spine and bursts of heat run through her veins.

A wide grin spread across Y/N's face, finally giving in to his temptation, "Did you lock the door?" she asked as she angled her head to give him more access to her neck.

"Mhhm," Killua replied between kisses and licking every part that's accessible to him. He opened his mouth against a patch of skin on her neck, sucking it slowly but pulling it hard. Killua loves marking her up, claiming her as his with his mouth.

Y/N let her head fall back, so weak with lust that she could hardly support it. Her body was betraying her completely. He was driving her mad with desire with each of his skilled sucking.

Killua soothed the skin he'd just marked with his tongue mouthing at it like her skin was candy, "Mmm, you taste so good Y/N," he murmured as he worked his way up to skin behind her ear, nibbling it a bit. At the same time, his hands moved lower to cup her breasts and began to gently knead and caress it through her clothes, feeling her nipple hardening.

"Nnnnngh, unnh!" Y/N groaned as she draw her hand to her mouth to muffle the cry of ecstasy when he started nibbling her erect nipples.

Heavy footsteps were soon heard towards her room and both of them immediately scattered from their positions.

"I think someone's coming," the silverette panted, clearly out of breath.

Sure enough, they both heard a sudden knock at the door. After the couple tried to fix their appearance, Y/N walked to the door and opened it while Killua hovered a pillow over his thighs to cover his erection. Mrs. L/N was waiting on the other side of the door.

"Hi Mrs. L/N," the silverette greeted, a little bit flustered.

"Hi honey, are you feeling okay? You looked a little red," she asked with a heavy note of concern.

"Yes, I'm fine," he looked at Y/N for help.

"Mom, what do you want?" she spoke, trying to turn her mother's attention to her instead.

"Oh right! I was wondering if you both like to join us for a movie marathon downstairs. Your sister also ordered a pizza, you can hang out with the rest of us," Y/N's mother squeaked enthusiastically.

"Mom, actually on second though, Killua isn't feeling well so it's best if we stay up here... so he can't infect anyone downstairs," she replied as Mrs. L/N glanced between the lovers.

"That's nonsense dear. Killua said he was fine, right Kil?" Mrs. L/N glanced at the silverette's direction.

"I-I mean, I think I'm okay but I don't really know though," he responded in his best scratchy voice and let out an obvious fake cough. Y/N just facepalmed internally, hoping her mom would buy their white lie.

"Well, okay then. Seeing you obviously not feeling well, I guess you two can stay up here if you want. But I will still save you some seats just in case you decided to change your minds," her mother started to walk out the door before turning around to face her daughter again.

"Oh, and Y/N honey,"

"Yes, mom?"

"I think you got a little something on your neck," she pointed to a spot where her purple mark was. Y/N's eyes widened in shock and covered it up with her hand as fast as she could, averting the gaze from her curious mother.

Mrs. L/N faced Killua's direction, "Be careful Kil, if you keep giving her hickeys, she might get sick too," she announced with one last smile before leaving with the door half open.

"I'm so embarrassed," Y/N said while completely shutting the door and locking it again, "I never want to see them ever, I cannot face the world, I'm so ashamed!"

Meanwhile Killua started laughing, "I am never going near your family again too,"

With the door closed once more, every pretense falls. The facade they showed disappear and all they want is to continue their interrupted moment.

"Shall we proceed?" Killua murmured before pulling Y/N closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist. Before she could respond, he cupped her face and their souls locked in a gaze. No more words between them, only love.

After some time, their lips met in a soft, passionate kiss leaving Y/N shaken and defenseless. Her fingertips softly brushing against his back, occasionally turning into light scratching as her nails dug his skin.

As the kiss deepened, she slightly opened her mouth willingly to let him in, allowing his tongue to explore every little crevices of her mouth. It was as if he wanted to devour her whole.

Killua broke the kiss for a while as he lifted her tops over her head and unclip her bra with his deft fingers to release her breasts from their confines.

His enthusiastic lips drifted down from her neck, to collarbone, consuming every inch of her flesh in the way until it made its way to her nipple. Before taking the bud in his mouth, he moistened his lips as if he was about to take the best meal of his life and then his mouth closed over her breast.

"Mmm, tastes so sweet," the silverette mumbled while sucking her beaded nipple and his free hand tweaking the other with his fingers. Y/N couldn't help but let out a gasp of pleasure, sending wave after wave of bliss throughout her body.

He tasted, teased, licked and fondled her breasts until her knees were weak, but he didn't stopped there. The silverette gripped one of her thighs and then slipped his palm underneath her skirt to her underwear.

Y/N's breath caught in her throat as Killua slid one finger inside her. He moved and swirled it inside, causing her whole body to flood with desire. With each stroke, she felt passion inching through her veins.

"I want you to come for me right now, Y/N"

"I—" she couldn't think straight as his fingers sends jolts through her, his mouth and tongue hadn't left her mounds that sends her on a sensuous path to ecstasy.

"Tell me you want me," he commanded as his second finger surged inside her — his voice was throaty and breathless with passion.

She couldn't speak because Killua was ravishing her while she leans on the wall near the door. They haven't even made it to bed yet. His two fingers thrusting in and out of her womanhood is making her so wet and horny as hell.

"Tell me you want this, love," he urged. She opened her eyes to look at him, her hands burning with desire to touch him as much as he is touching hers.

"I want this... I want every bit of you Kil," Y/N arched her body towards him, eager for more of his fingers, of his mouth, of Killua.

His fingers become more insistent throwing her over the edge fast. Then his mouth moved from her breasts back to her mouth, kissing her fervently as his tongue mimicked the motion of the fingers deep inside her, causing Y/N to fragment into million pieces.

"Ahh, Kil, it feels so fucking good," she clutched his shoulders, clinging for him for support. "Bring to me bed now,"

"As you wish, my queen," he picked her up bridal style and laid her down the bed.

He stared at her with lust in his eyes, removing his shirt and crawled slowly on top of her.

"I want to make you feel good. May I?" the silverette cooed.

"Yes yes, make me feel good baby," she whispered.

He suddenly trailed a blaze of hot kisses along the base of her neck, jawline and cheek before slowly moving back to her mouth, taking it with an intensity that took her breath away. He thrust his tongue deep inside while rubbing his palms over her nipples. Her buds perked up again with his touch.

Killua let her freely roam her hands on his hair, his face and his bare back then she slid it onto the hard ridges of his abdominal muscle, causing him to shudder with pleasure. Y/N couldn't help but marvel at just how toned and chiseled he was.

"Watch me as I taste you, Y/N"

Her eyes popped open at his command as he roamed his mouth downwards to her breasts, flicking and licking it with his tongue. Then she felt the cold sensation of his saliva over her stomach when he moved across there. He looked up to her and their eyes meet, that seductive smile once again spread on his face.

Y/N's hand instinctively moved on top of his head as she run her fingers through his silver ruffled hair while his tongue continued to run further down between her legs. She could feel the pressure from his mouth pressing into her slit from the outside of her panties.

"Killua, ahhh, please don't tease me," a flash of intense pleasure bursting through her, arching her back, unable to stop herself.

"Patience my love. I intend to make sure you enjoy this," with that, he took off completely her skirt and underwear in one swift movement.

Starting at each knee, he took a hold of each of her legs and pushing them apart as he slowly planting kisses along her inner thighs, moving himself upwards as he walked his way towards her wet triangle.

A great shiver of excitement run through Y/N, feeling more and more turned on in anticipation, making it harder to keep his hands off him.

His fingers locate the slit of her outer lips, moving them apart while at the same time using his thumb to encircle the base of her clit. The feel of calloused thumb teasing the base of her clitoris made her let out a long awaited sigh on her lips. Killua's tongue soon joins the action, plunging itself into her wet folds, rubbing her clit in gentle circles as wave of pleasures continue to pass through her.

The pleasure seemed to go on forever yet she somehow knew this wasn't everything, she wanted more.

The feeling of his tongue flicking inside her creates such intense satisfaction.The silverette continued to probe her deeply with Y/N trembling with pleasure as the intensity increased dramatically.

He alternated between flicking her clit with his tongue rapidly and enthusiastically moving it in circles. As each wave of pleasure passes through her body over and over again, the sensations became too much for her to handle then she began to whimper slightly, feeling herself erupting around his fingers — she lost focus for a second as she felt herself shoot out gust of liquid, squirting all over his mouth and fingers.

"My girlfriend has the sweetest pussy." When he sat up, he had a satisfied smirk on his face and a lustful gleam in his blue orbs. Her womanhood fluttered, feeling empty at the loss of his tongue and fingers.

Y/N laid there, motionless, raggedly breathing as he leaned to kiss her on the temples. Killua then took off his jeans down his legs and kicked them off the bed. His manhood now visibly bulging in his boxers and she watched him intently peeling them off his body. Y/N became even wetter seeing the size of his long and thick cock.

The silverette placed himself between her legs, taking one over his hips delicately. Y/N was surprised that such a strong hunter who had so much force, could be more delicate to a girl, treating her as if she's made of porcelain.

He took his member in his right hand, rubbing its head up and down her wet folds before leaning closely on her plunging it in deep.

"Ahhh... ahhh," she gasped a bit on his shoulder as all of him filled her canal. Killua silenced her moans by kissing her - he can't let her family hear her beautiful and sexy moans.

Nothing had prepared Y/N for the sharp pain she felt when he entered her, burying his cock in one single motion. She tried to squirm but he firmly held her in place, pinning her with his member now fully and deeply buried inside.

On the other hand, Killua didn't move at all as he waited for his cock to adjust inside and wait for the pain to subside.

"Soon it will feel good Y/N, I promise," he waited until her breathing returned to normal and kissed Y/N again, "Does it still hurt, love?"

"Not anymore. Like a warm summer breeze caressing my face, I want to feel more and more of it,"

"Do you know how beautiful you are? How much I want you?"

"As much I as I want you," she whispered, staring into his eyes. It was exactly what he wanted to hear.

"Good girl," Killua responded then he buried his face on the crook of her neck . Soon his member found her pleasure point and the pain subsided. He concentrated his slamming into this point with slow movements. Her body accepted him willingly, fitting to his as though they had been cast from the same mould.

"Kill— aahhh," she panted and wrapped her legs around his hips, drawing him deeper inside her body.

"Yes love?"

"H-harder... faster," she begged, delirious with pleasure.

He answered her request by increasing the tempo, giving her exactly what they both wanted. "Brace yourself,"

His hands suddenly move around to her hips and gripped it, lifting her up so he can drive himself more forcefully inside her. It was a maddening sensation for her to meet his every slams as he increased the pace.

The feeling of him dominating her totally, was overwhelming and sexy, letting him do her as he wanted. On the other hand, the way Y/N tightened around Killua's member and the feel of how it was covered with her juices drove him crazy, made him needier.

"Aah... haaah... yes! This what I fucking need," Y/N normally never used such words, but the silverette knew he was doing a good job as his lover when she started talking like that.

There is a deep look of concentration on his face as he thrust harder and harder, groaning with each move, feeling the tip of his member slamming against her womb.

He lowered again his face to hers, capturing her lips in a sealing kiss as he continued to work himself in and out of her wet core. Y/N lifted her hips, angling them so every thrust pushed him all the way inside even more.

She couldn't fight the moans that fought her way after every stroke, moaning longer and deeper into his mouth, driving them both closer to bliss.

"K-Killua, I'm going to cum soon," Y/N mumbled as she started to feel that tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach.

"M-me too, let's cum together,"

Y/N's body began to turn pulp and she could feel the throbbing in her temples.

"Killuaaa, aahhhh," she screamed as her pussy walls tightened around him. Her head fell back, eyes closing while a thousand tiny bubbles seemed to fizz inside her feeling the wave of orgasm crash through her.

"Eyes on me baby, I wanna see your face," he commanded, grabbing her hips once again lifting to meet her with each stroke. She barely able to keep her head up, but managed to keep her gaze on him. His balls slapped against her butt.

The tightening of her womanhood sent him over the edge too and soon after, Killua hit nirvana. He jerked and spasm uncontrollably and his cock exploded in a violent release of his seed inside her without a moan, just a deep growl of satisfaction. And then he collapsed, a leaden weight of expended energy against her chest.

After they both climaxed, they remained unmoving, embraced, still buried inside her. She clung to him, longing to hold their time together, until gradually, their rapid breathing slowed.

The silverette lifted his head to look at her red face. "You okay?"

She drew in a long shaky breath, "Yes. You were amazing,"

It was entirely possible that Y/N's family heard them lovemaking but she didn't care. Nothing mattered except this moment between her and Killua.

He gave her a quick kiss as he lifts himself off her, slowly sliding out of her tender lower lips, causing her to writhe once again, before fully removing himself.

Quickly, he rolled to the side, pulling her next to him in cuddle. Killua doesn't want to lose the connection they just shared.

"I love you, Y/N"

"I love you even more, Kil," she let out a small yawn and he gave her one last peck on the lips before sleep take both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first L E M O N so forgive me if it's not that good. I'm still trying to improve.
> 
> It was the most difficult chapter to write so far for me, but quite challenging so I enjoyed it.
> 
> Hope y'all like this at least.


	10. Always and Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Romance  
> \- Angst 
> 
> AUDIO:  
> Mystic Messenger OST - My Half is Unknown
> 
>  **Quick note:** I've embedded audio/music to all of my previous chapters and will add to my succeeding ones for better reading experience. You may or may choose not to play it.

**A/N: Play the audio.**

Y/N had been missing for _two years._ There was a note saying that she will not be coming back anymore. It didn't sound like her at all so Killua didn't believe that she left on her own volition. He thought she's more likely to be abducted. 

_Kidnapped?_

By whom? And for what purpose? He can't think of any possibilities. 

This happened right before he embarks for the Dark Continent. It killed him to go especially when he could be out there looking for his dear friend, but Killua can't just leave Gon alone by himself. 

Although the expedition itself was comprised of top and highly skillful hunters, he wanted to keep Gon in check so he won't do anything reckless like the last time. He's vulnerable and has a tendency to make rash decisions. He still can't get Gon's bruised flesh out of his mind and how he messed up when he lost his temper during the time they fought with Chimera ants.

❦❦❦

_The day before they left for Dark Continent, Killua got a call from Y/N's mom. She was crying and couldn't understand a word she was saying. His initial guess was someone from their family had died however, there was a gnawing pit in his stomach that says otherwise._

_The silver-haired hunter went over to her house, but when he got there, no cheerful and bubbly girl came out to meet him. That's when he figured out something was wrong but he couldn't put his finger on what yet. The theory of a dead relative was fresh in his mind, and he hoped that his friend would later run to him, needing a shoulder to cry on._

_He walked in, not really bothering to knock. There was still no sign of the happy-go-lucky girl that lived there but what he found was her mom sobbing on the couch with a note in her hands._

_Her shoulders were shaking and broken sobs escaped her lips. Killua didn't say a word — he just took the paper from her hands._

_**Dear Everyone,** _

_**I'm leaving. I'm not coming back. Don't bother looking for me anymore** _

_It wasn't even signed. That's just it, this wasn't Y/N at all. No matter how mad could get, there would always be a signature._

❦❦❦

That was _two years ago._ She had been reported missing, but it was a cold case. Killua left Kurapika and Leorio to take care of things while he and Gon were away, but even with their combined efforts, they still cannot find Y/N anywhere.

Not a day goes by that Killua didn't think about her especially when they returned from Dark Continent. Y/N's bright smile and (e/c) eyes flash through his mind from time to time. 

He swallowed down the lump on his throat, his heart felt like it could pound out of his chest and the realization that he will never see her again was gripping his heart with doom. 

The silverette flushed at his thought, taking a deep breath. His heart thudding slowly in his chest as he tried to refocus himself at work but he can't stop thinking about Y/N. 

_This is ridiculous._ He thought to himself. It's been years but why is he still worrying so much over her? Why does he feel this way? Why does he... _care so much about her?_ And why now? When she's not here anymore. 

Killua sighed, bringing his phone out of his pocket. He checked the screen and groaned seeing about five more criminals that he need to take into custody. Being a Blacklist hunter was a demanding job but it's where he excels at and where he could put his assassin skills into use. 

He scanned at his next target's information before turning on his Godspeed and ran off towards where he needs to be. As everything passes by him in a flash, he can't help to think Y/N in his arms, her soft skin, and how those (e/c) eyes how looked so pleased to be held by him. It warmed Killua's heart and it felt strange, it set his mind and body aflame. 

His heart skipped a beat and had to stop running for a moment. 

_If Y/N were to love me..._

Killua's face flushed red but at the same time, felt excruciating pain on his chest. He never experienced this feeling before or this deep want. 

Killua wants it. He wants it so much but she's gone. 

The ex-assassin started running again, trying to ignore these feelings that seem to be catching up with him. He can blame his worry on the fact that Y/N is his friend. He can blame thinking about her a lot because she's his only girl friend – literally. But he has no excuse for how his heart beats or how warm he gets thinking about her. 

Y/N's bright smile once again flashed through his mind and stopped running once more, holding his head. He rubbed it, took a deep breathe as beads of sweat falling down his cheek. 

"Damn it! Goddamn it!" he swallowed the saliva that had been pooling in his mouth and cleared his throat. His lips trembled, he can't lie to himself anymore. 

_"I really, really, love Y/N..."_

Killua finally admitted it. He wants to see her. He wants to feel her skin under the palm of his hand, wants to kiss her lips. He wants to stay with her, going out on a date, and have fun. But that isn't possible anymore. 

He sank onto his knees, holding his head with his hands. It hurts so much that his eyes are watery and felt like crying. 

Why is this happening? 

Why did he only realize now that she's gone? 

What is he supposed to do? 

The silverette felt so stupid and vulnerable. How could he let himself get like this? To the point that he had let his emotions take over him. Has he not been trained? He had gone through hell before but why he is crying over this. 

_Forget her. Forget the Feeling._

_Yes..._

_No... no..._

_I have to find her. She could be still alive today and living out there somewhere and waiting for someone to save her._

❦❦❦

Killua and Gon were walking down the streets of Yorknew City. They are on their way to find somewhere to eat lunch when the silverette made eye contact with a girl, a little bit shorter than him with hypnotizing eyes that looked almost (e/c) in the light. The girl that he is very familiar with and just been thinking about, was now right in front of him.

And in the blink of an eye, Killua took off running towards Y/N. They maintained eye contact until she was pulled away by someone behind her. His eyes flicked to the person holding her captive and nearly stopped running. 

_Chrollo Lucilfer._

Killua activated his _Godspeed_ but when he blinked and looked again, they had disappeared completely and nowhere to be found. He started searching for them frantically in both directions and every street for any possible places they could've gone to. 

Gon was calling his name, telling Killua to stop but he kept running to find Y/N and Chrollo. By the time the ravenette reached Killua, he looked at him with great concern but the latter brushed it off, not wanting to talk about it. 

The albino had never been so conflicted before, he was suddenly torn between anger and ecstatic. Y/N is alive but she is with the spiders, not knowing whether she joined them voluntarily or held captive for years. Or worse case, maybe she and Chrollo are dating?

His heart ached with the thought. 

After what happened, Killua asked helped from Gon, Leorio, and Kurapika to search for the Spider's whereabouts. 

Days and weeks went by but they still can't find them. For the silverette, every day felt like a little piece of him was being torn away, not knowing where she was. 

He did everything he could to keep his mind off the growing feeling of dread looming over the horizon. His friends were constantly trying to encourage him to escape the state of depression he had fallen into, but nothing worked. It was like breathing without air. She was his oxygen and he needed her back. 

Three months had gone by and nothing has changed. Killua can't stand it anymore. The simple act of breathing was getting painful. He doesn't really know why it hurts much now in comparison to the past two years. 

When he asked Kurapika about this, he thought that maybe it was because he just saw her alive. And just a glimpse of her had sparked enough hope in him to convey what he really feels about her. 

Killua didn't know what came over him. The thought of sitting on the sidelines made him sick that got so desperate enough to ask the only person that could help him find Y/N. 

_His sister, Alluka and Nanika._

He could've asked her long ago but he already promised to himself that he won't use Nanika again for his selfish reasons but... was it really bad for him to wish for his happiness? 

"Alluka, can I meet Nanika? I'm sorry for asking this, I know I told you before when healed Gon that it's going to be the last time but... " Killua pleaded when he came to visit in her dorm at Hunter University. 

Alluka can never say no to his beloved brother but she went silent for a while as she was asking Nanika if that was alright to her too. 

"Of course! I want to see Y/N-neechan too," then she closed her eyes as Killua wait patiently, waiting for Nanika to emerge. 

Nanika took over with her signature pitch-black orbs and a wide smile. 

"Nanika, you know Y/N L/N right? You've met before and she's very special to onii-chan. But she is missing right now and I don't know her whereabouts. Can you help me find where is she right now?"

"Aye~!" Nanika reached out for the pen and paper on the table and started scribbling something.

After a while, she paused and passed out instantly but Killua caught her in time before she fell. With her losing consciousness, it means Nanika used a considerable amount of her power to grant his brother's request. 

The silverette took the paper and saw the messy drawing which seemed like to be a sketch of her location. He laid his sister down on the bed and kissed her forehead before taking off, "Thank you so much, Alluka. I will come back with your Y/N nee-chan,"

He called Gon and the others to inform them that he already located their base and he's on his way. They tried to talk him out of going, to plan everything first, but Killua didn't listen. His only concern was getting Y/N back. He didn't care if he had to fight with the spiders — he refused to leave her there alone any longer. 

By using his Godspeed, he reached _Meteor City_ in no time. Following Nanika's sketch, he ended up in front of an abandoned, decaying mansion which Killua concluded that must be the Spider's hide-out. 

Without looking back, the hunter carefully slipped inside, working his way cautiously to the upper floor where Y/N might hold captive based on the sketch. 

All around him, Killua's enhanced hearing was starting to pick up faint sounds of someone moving from one of the rooms. He tip-toed towards the full-sized door, attempting to open it but it was locked. 

He kneeled down so he was eye level with the knob and tried to open once more by zapping it lightly with his electricity. 

Killua could feel it, her presence on the other side of the door. It was like a magnetic force pulling him in causing his hands to tremble a little. The simple thought of being close to her again after many years drove him insane. Due to being hesitant, it took some time to open the door but it eventually swung open. 

There she was, right in front of him. More than two years of wishing and waiting finally paid off. They both stared at each other for a second, neither are daring to move for the fear of waking up and realizing that this is just a dream. 

The next second, they were in each other's arms clutching to the other like a lifeline. There was no conversation between them, only a mutual understanding that no words can express how much they missed each other. 

Y/N's grip on him tightened like she's expecting me to pull away. Killua held her back tightly and his face was buried in her neck, loving the fact that she's alive and well. The sensation he felt was almost intoxicating like he could get drunk from the warmth she radiated. 

The silverette pulled back just enough to look her in her eyes. The dazzling (e/c) eyes met his deep blue ones. He tried to convey the love and admiration he felt for her without opening his mouth. His heart was pounding loudly seeing her reflect the same emotions back at him. 

Then out of nowhere, Y/N leaned closer to him, closing the gap between them with her warm lips. A faint floral scent teased the ex-assassin's senses and closed his eyes when she draped her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. He couldn't comprehend the feel of her lips on him, but all he knew that this is a dream come true. 

They both pulled away after that mind-blowing kiss. Killua tried to find words, but all that came out was some barely inaudible sounds. She giggled at his action and silenced him with another short kiss, just as incredible as the first. 

"I miss you so much Kil. Wow, look how much you've grown since I last saw you!" Y/N exclaimed happily. 

"Me too. Tell me Y/N, what happened? Why were you with the Spiders? What did you do for the past two years?" Killua shot her off a barrage of questions without pausing. 

"This is not the right place to discuss that. Help me watch out for our surroundings while I pack my things up," 

He obliged. Y/N rushed around the room, grabbing a few things and placing them in a bag. Meanwhile, Killua had been watching the hall, making sure no one came. 

When she finished packing, the ex-assassin slung her bag over his shoulder and grabbed her hand with his free one. They cautiously made their way downstairs. All was left to do was to get to the front door and use his Godspeed to escape. 

As they head towards outside, a man suddenly blocked their way which made them froze in their tracks. It was Chrollo, whose eyes glowered at them with the desire of destruction and blood lust painted in those orbs. 

"Where do you think you are going, Y/N?" the Troupe leader hissed in annoyance. 

"I-I can't hide anymore with all of you. I... I want to be free like a normal human being. We might be siblings but I can't follow you forever," she declared, eyeing Chrollo with conviction. "I want us to be together again but I couldn't stomach the crimes you're committing," 

_'Siblings? Chrollo is Y/N's brother? I thought he died when they were still a kid?' Killua said to himself, realizing that there are still many things he doesn't know about Y/N._

"It's because of him, isn't it?" Chrollo raised an eyebrow as he turned his attention to the silverette.

"Stay him out of this brother," 

"I know Illumi and Kalluto will definitely hate me but he needs to die or else he'll keep corrupting your mind and I can't afford to lose you again, Y/N"

Before the two friends could make their move, Y/N's brother stealthily threw his Ben's Knife enhanced with nen on Killua's direction. Those very two seconds seemed to go in slow motion while the knife was glistening as it sailed through the air, aiming at the ex-assassin's chest. 

A pair of small but powerful hands pushed Killua to the side, leaving him startled. When he turned around, the Ben's Knife that was supposed to be aimed at him was now buried hilt-deep in Y/N's chest with tears running down her cheek. 

A look of horror and panic stretched across the hunter's face while he hurriedly stumbled over to where she had fallen. He ripped off his jacket and pressed it to her chest, trying to stop the bleeding. 

At the same time, Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio arrived at the scene. Gon had tears streaming down his face, Leorio check-up Y/N and administer some first aid and Kurapika immediately activated her nen chains to hold Chrollo up. 

"Killua, she's losing too much blood and it hit her vital spot. We need to bring her to the hospital as fast as we can," Leorio urged the silverette. 

Without wasting any time, Killua carried Y/N in his arms gently so as to avoid opening the wound further, "Gon, Kurapika makes sure that bastard doesn't follow us," he instructed before activating his Godspeed, began to sprint off and bring wounded Y/N in the hospital. 

The two ran through the forest part outside the Meteor City. His grip clenched around Y/N's shoulders and under her knees, her breathing is labored. 

Killua couldn't afford to look at her. His eyes were brimming with tears. He couldn't think properly, all he need and want is to bring her to safety. He can't breathe properly either, his oxygen was nearly dying right in front of him.

"I..." Y/N started speaking, fumbling for words, "I'm so sorry Killua. Am I being a burden again? Y-you always rescue me whenever I am in trouble,"

"Don't speak Y/N. Try to save your energy," he meekly replied. 

"Kil, I won't make it anym–"

"YOU CAN'T DIE!! I WON'T LET YOU!! NO ONE WILL DIE!!" he cried out, his voice trembling. "There are so many things I still want to do with you,"

"In as much as I want to live, we both know that I'm dying..." her eyes were fearful. She was scared. It was impossible to tell which breath would be her last. 

Deep down, Killua knew there was no hope but he has to keep on going. Even if there is 0.1% chance that she will live, he'll fight and do anything to keep her alive. 

"You shouldn't have saved me, Y/N. Goddamn it! That attack was meant for me," 

"H-how can I not save the person I love the most? I have always been in love with you Kil. You always give me a reason to smile, you taught me how to cherish life, and even if I ran away, you still save me like a knight saving her princess," she managed to say between pants, still smiling through tears.

"I love you Killua. Always and forever. Never forget that," 

Killua stopped running and turned his attention to the fragile girl in his arms. He placed one last lingering kiss on her lips and intertwined his fingers into hers before succumbing into a deep slumber forever.

"I love you too Y/N. Until we meet again,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing angsts has always been challenging for me because I find it difficult to convey the emotions I'd like to show. Plus writing this chapter mostly on Killua's perspective somewhat made it even tougher.
> 
> I know this has darker themes compared with my previous chapters and kinda didn't like how it turned out but I still hope you liked it!


	11. Forbidden Love 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Fluff  
> \- Romance
> 
> AUDIO:  
> The Scientist - Coldplay (Cover by Gabriella)

I stared into the mirror on the wall where two sorrowful eyes with dark bags under gazed back at me. Frantically, I started to look for something I could use before my engagement party starts. I quickly opened the beauty kit lying on top of my dresser and covered my face with make-up, concealing the marks on my face and eyes.

They still look awful. I can't let anyone see me looking like this. How can I make them look pleasing? I can do something about the dark circles but there was nothing to conceal the look in my eyes. They used to sparkle, I used to be happy but now I'm left with nothing but agony and emptiness.

I couldn't remember the last time I smiled so naturally - yes, I smile and laugh in front of many people while fulfilling my duty as a royal but behind my mask is a girl who's suffering alone from pain and loneliness.

It has been two years since Killua left and not a day went by that I didn't think about him. Day by day was the same endless torture hoping that one day the pain will subside, but it didn't. Perhaps I just learned how to deal with it and so far, I barely managed.

The day after our break-up, he quit being my personal knight and I've never seen him ever since. I tried to look for him, used all the connections I have, but not a single trace could be found. He completely disappeared and it's as if telling me that he doesn't want to be found.

I am with Prince Marco now - well, I don't have any choice. After all, for generations and centuries, arranged marriages had been the norm in my family. I guess the reason for this is not just about me having a rich spouse but the whole family's honor is at stake. The trend would've stopped in my time if Killua fought for our relationship.

Prince Marco is a good man. He loved me, took care of me, listened to my stories about Killua, and tried to fill my voids as best as he could. _He really tried._ But my voids... he had no idea how immense it was. And I couldn't find the right words to explain to him so I never did.

At one point, we tried to be physically intimate in our relationship. He needed it and I needed someone to stitch me back together, but it was an unpleasant experience for both of us. Feeling the warmth of my body on his, he knew that my mind, spirit and heart were miles away.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't heard the knocking on my door.

"It's me. Can I enter?" before I could respond, the door opened and stood a tall, strikingly handsome man with an air of noble melancholy appeared before me. A tiny rapier hung perpedicularly at his side. It's Prince Marco.

"Prince Marco, fancy seeing you. So what brings you here?" I asked as I sat on the edge of my bed.

"What do you think I am here for?"

I glared at him. I'm in no mood for mind games right now. Suddenly, his lips turned into half smile.

"Sorry if I startled you. I just want to check if you're ready and wow, I've never seen you look so beautiful as you are tonight. I mean, you're a beautiful lady anyway. I'm proud to be your fiancé,"

_That's a lie. I look hideous._ "Uh, thank you. I'll go down as soon as I finish preparing,"

I was hoping he would go away but he didn't. He walked to me and sat beside me instead. As I was able to get a better look of him, I noticed something different.

"Oh my god, Prince Marco! You shaved! Your beard was gone," he was laughing at my comment. His lips were more clear to me, luscious even. His emerald eyes sparkled when laughing, it's a very deep masculine laugh.

"Can you see now my lips, Princess Y/N?" he grinned as he asked me, "I mean, can you really see them clearly?" Prince Marco arched himself over me, lowering his head. Our lips were only inches apart.

With this other hand, he gently brought my face up to his and lightly touch his lips to mine. When I remained passive still, he shifted suddenly and became rougher. He shoved his hand to my hair and forced his tongue into my mouth. My fists clenched on the sides, my stomach churned.

I pushed him away, gasping for air as I start to suffocate. I realized that I was holding my breath the whole time. It was all wrong. The kisses I wanted were supposed to be romantic and meaningful but Prince Marco's kisses were aggressive and very domineering.

"I-i'm sorry Marco, I didn't mean to-" I put my shaking hands over to my face to hide, trying to get grip on things.

He turned to face me. His eyes were upset, I knew exactly where this was heading.

"Y/N, we are getting married soon. Do you ever think you could forget Killua for five seconds?" he spat at me and a cold, harsh reality hit me in the face.

"I don't understand. I don't understand how you could still care for that stupid knight after all this time and him leaving you," he continued. He knew exactly which button to push.

"Don't call him stupid!" I yelled at him, my pulse raced, my breathing picked up and started shaking. Why am I still defending him?

"Killua is not coming back princess, you know that but you can't accept it. Don't you realize that you're wasting your precious life away for nothing?" he retorted, "Let's start anew, Y/N. You don't have to look back on the past, please accept me in your life and I will give you the love that you deserve,"

Squeezing my eyes shut, memories of Killua came flooding back into my mind. Though there are many things in life that I wanted to give up, he was never on my list. Yes, he betrayed my affections and left my heart in shattered pieces. He stole many parts of me which made it impossible to put myself back together. But until now, I'm still waiting for him to return and come back to me.

"I'm so sorry Marco. I'm still in love with him, and only time could tell when can I forget him," I answered him the way I only knew how. I couldn't believe that those words came out of my mouth but it was the truth and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm tired of denying and pretending.

"You're too good for me... I don't deserve you," I mumbled as I averted my gaze, recalling the horrible thing I said to him and the way I treated him since he arrived here in the castle.

"Quite the contrary my Princess. _I'm not good enough,_ but I'll try my hardest every day for the rest of our lives," he was smiling sadly when I look back up.

Tears started to roll down my cheeks but the young prince ran his thumb over, wiping it away. I could tell from his eyes that he was really hurt and I'm being unfair to him.

"You're such an idiot Your Highness," his voice was now soft and timid. "Stop crying, you'll ruin your make-up. We have an important event to attend to,"

_My engagement party._ I'm really wondering if I could pull this off.

Taking a deep breath, Prince Marco stood up and slowly made his way to the door. "Be there in 15 minutes. Everybody's waiting," he said before walking away.

I stood up once again in front of the mirror. My midnight black gown was floor length with silver and gold sequins hand sewn from cleavage part to the floor tip. My eyes suddenly widened in panic. What did I forgot? Ring? Check. Lipstick? Check. Make-up? Check. Overwhelming sense of paranoia? Check. Okay, time to go.

❦❦❦

"Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting to you Her Royal Highness, Princess Y/N of Quvell and her fiancé, Prince Marco of Gruthen,"

The announcer's voice echoed the castle's ballroom and at the same time, the gigantic oak doors swung open.

Entering the door, Prince Marco bowed and I followed with a curtsy. My arm tucked into the crook of his elbow and stopped on a balcony above the staircase where a roar of applause was heard from all of the guests.

"Are you alright?" the young prince asked with a concerned look on his face.

I nodded. "Yeah. Just nervous, I guess,"

As we gracefully descended the stairs, I can see a room of well-dressed people trying to catch a glimpse of us, the engaged royal couple.

The emerald-eyed prince took my hand with his warm hand and stroke it gently, reassuringly. As his warm sensation engulfed me, the butterflies that started flipping in my stomach suddenly disappeared.

My father and mother waited at the bottom, and my eyes took in my father with worry seeing him look so exhausted from doing all of the preparations to make this party a success. My mother kissed me on both cheeks before doing the same to Marco.

"Are you sure you should be here father?"

"Don't worry about me. I wouldn't miss seeing my daughter looked so beautiful more than anything. My little Princess is all grown up," he replied with teary eyes despite looking so intimidating as always.

"I'm sorry for my behavior these past few months as well. I have not been myself and I hope you can forgive me," I slightly bowed my head in respect.

"You are my daughter and my heir. There is nothing to forgive if you promise to be a good wife to Prince Marco and lead our country as a queen," my father remarked with a solemn expression, pulling my chin up so he could see my face.

"I shall do my best to satisfy your expectations my father, and I will live the life which you desire for me," that's what I said but I don't know if I'll be able to fulfill it.

I was going to be a queen of our kingdom one day, either when my father decided I was ready or when the time came that I have no choice.

Our conversation cut short when my mother butted in, holding out her hand to the king. "Shall we honey?"

I smiled at them as they turned away to greet other important guests and it's also our cue to do the same, following them to the courtyard. There were around a thousand people here, which was impressive on such a short notice. A rush of people came over to hug and congratulate us. Many royals were attending, and most of the high ranking politicians are present too.

The ballroom was decorated red, white and blue which obviously known that the citizen of this kingdom are very patriotic. Also, there is lounge from the opposite side of the ballroom where people can drink as well.

The atmosphere in the venue changed completely after nightfall. Loud music was playing while people danced around, lights of all colors flashing through the guests and everyone lit up with energy.

As the slow passionate music began, couples flooded to the floor and some other Princes flocked around me, inviting me for a dance. Too tired to stand on my feet for one more second, I politely declined them.

So now I sit here alone from our special table, letting my feet rest to recover while my fiancé is giving his parents a tour of the castle.

Sighing, I propped my elbow on the edge of the table and rest my chin on my fist, watching all the couples dancing, whirling around in each other's arms to some sappy love song. Everyone looks so happy. It's my party but I'm jealous of all the happiness surrounding me.

As night went on, watching people dance make me bored so I stood up and went to the drinking lounge. The twinkling lights in the ballroom reflected off the champagne flutes as I poured myself a glass of Dom Perignon that was vintaged in 1991 and peered at the fragile bubbles within, rising to the top.

Taking a long sip, I let the zippy bubble drink re-energize me. Ah, what a good way to die. I took another glass and filled it up to the brim and as I was about to lift it, I heard a familiar voice and felt a sudden rush of air from behind bringing a familiar sweet scent which immediately claimed my attention.

"Now, don't drink too much of that champagne Princess Y/N or you might be sorry the next morning,"

I turned around to see who it was and blinked in surprise. There stood a tall, young man I knew so well, the person I desperately wanted to see the most and the love of my life, Killua.

Strong, broad shoulders with muscles well pronounced, balanced on a tall and chiseled body was what became of my previous personal knight. His features were sharper and still has that porcelain skin that even royalty like us would die for. He also finally let his hair grow out though it wasn't that much of a difference than what it normally had been - long and messy silver locks still fluffy and tangled as always. And tonight was one of the rare occasions that he put it into a low hanging ponytail instead of letting it do its own thing.

Oh God. He became an absolute hunk with adulthood.

I gave a moment to compose myself to be as calm as I could manage before responding, "Am I not allowed to have champagne at my own engagement party?"

"It's not bad. But you're chugging it like it's a lemonade," he giggled. Oh those smiles, how I missed them so much.

Finally, I found myself face to face to those eyes that excites me so much, producing an enchanting magic sensation of making everything around us disappear. We just stood there for a while staring at each other, trying to figure out whether he's real or not.

Killua received my gaze with another wide, shy smile but with the happiness of being finally reunited with somebody he felt he known forever. I looked at him straightforwardly with the same smile and an emotion that was invading me, a desire of hugging him and to be in his arms.

"I have been searching for you everywhere all this time. Where were you? What were you doing? Why did you quit being my knight?" I asked, breaking the silence that engulfed us. I want to know the answer, I need to know it.

"Well, I thought I would like to get away from everything and be quiet a bit," he answered apologetically.

"You might have let me know where you were. I was so worried. You had all of us thinking you were dead and you have no freaking idea how much-"

The silver-haired man touched my lips with his index finger, as if he had the right to.

"Shush," he whispered. "Perhaps, now it's not the right time to talk about it Princess,"

For two seconds, I froze, feeling the echo of his touch against my soft lips.

He smiled gently and offered his hand, "Can I have this dance, Princess Y/N?"

I gave a small blush and nodded, "Of course. I waited for this moment for so long,"

**A/N: Play the song <3**

He pulled me out onto the dance floor and the song changed as we come together to dance. I placed one hand on his shoulder and the other on Killua's hand. Meanwhile, Killua wrapped his arm around my waist and intertwined our fingers with the other hand.

_🔊 Come up to meet you  
Tell you I'm sorry...   
You don't know how lovely you are  
I had to find you  
Tell you I need you  
Tell you I set you apart_

I recognized the song the second the lyrics started playing. I inhaled as deep as I could and it was so wonderful, closing my eyes at the sensation as we sway in silence.

My heart was hammering in my chest. It was so loud, so obvious against my breastbone that I was sure that he could hear it pulsing through me.

All I could feel was Killua's body and the heat it was emanating. All I could smell was the subtle hints of chocolate and the general scent he had to him. All I could hear were the music and his soft, slow breathing. He was perfect, exactly the same as before... if not better.

_🔊Tell me your secrets  
And ask me your questions  
Oh, let's go back to the start  
Running in circles, coming up tails  
Heads on a science apart_

"Killua?" I hummed quietly.

"Yes, my princess?"

"Why are you here?"

He spun me around and brought me back in.

"I heard you are getting married soon. So I thought I'd come personally to give you my congratulations,"

His words caused a tremor in my chest. I knew that he won't stay for long. I needed him but I couldn't keep him. Part of me still hoped that he'll come back to be with me again, to fight for our love.

"Killua, do you still love me?"

He fell silent. Instead of answering, he pulled me closer and I felt my whole body relax into his arms. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I rested my head against his chest, still blushing as I listen to erratic beating of his heart.

_🔊 Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh, take me back to the start_

"My Princess Y/N, I went here hoping to see you finally happy because I thought if you were, I might be finally be able to move on, to bury the dream I had to be with you," he said suddenly then I looked at him. "Ever since we parted, there's never been anybody in my life like you. There have been other women - I won't deny that - but it was always you. Nobody ever came close to you,"

There was something in his eyes. They are stunning sapphire blue which held a truth that is hidden with his features. What was once a face of strength, now showed weakness.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done to you and most of all, I'm sorry that I made your life complicated. I'm sorry for making you believe that we would work. I thought we could make it, like the one in novels. A love that no matter how difficult it was, we would survive but I was wrong,"

"Kil, it's never too late. We could make it work, please... You don't have any idea what I went through after you left," my voice cracked at the last word.

I want to beg, plead, get down on my knees and tell him that I want to live my life together, that our love has meaning.

_🔊 I was just guessing at numbers and figures  
Pulling your puzzles apart  
Questions of science, science and progress  
Do not speak as loud as my heart _

The silver-haired knight gazed back at me. I could never grew tired looking at his face, at his eyes. Suddenly, I became emotional and my eyes grew heavy and blurred. Without me noticing, tears fell onto my cheek.

❦❦❦

My beloved princess started sobbing in front of me. She looked so small, so fragile in my arms.

My beautiful broken princess... What have I done? What did I leave her for if she still continued to be hurt?

All I wanted was to make up to her to the pain I'd caused.

"Oh, Princess Y/N, I'm really sorry. You can never know how sorry I am," I whispered, rocking her back and forth across the floor.

She continued to sob into my shoulder and soak my clothes through.

"My love, if only I could turn back the time I would do things differently. I thought I was doing the right thing, the legal thing. I see now that I could never have been more wrong. Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done,"

"Then, come back to me... my feelings for you didn't change but let's do things differently this time," she managed to say between sobs.

_🔊 Tell me you love me  
Come back and haunt me  
Oh, and I rush to the start  
Running in circles, chasing our tails  
Coming back as we are _

The whole time I was miserable without her, she was miserable without me either.

"Do you really want me back? I know I did everything wrong and I wouldn't blame you. But-" I paused. Do I have the right to say this to her?

"I still love you too... Princess Y/N. I love you more than you can possibly imagine,"

Her heartbeat picked up a bit and she flinched. My beloved looked up to me, her eyes still brimming with tears so I wiped her tears with my thumb. How good it felt to touch her again.

And just like that, every ounce of reason I had in me has lost. 

Screw Illumi and my family!

Screw her arranged marriage! 

All I need to do is to keep Alluka on a safe place.

She is a princess and I am a knight but I don't care anymore. Our status and world might be different but for me, all we are is a man and woman who loves each other and crave each other's company. She's the missing piece to my puzzle and completes me.

We both deserve to live the life the way we wanted to. This time, I'll make it right, I won't let things come between us anymore.

I noticed Prince Marco watching us from the distance and looking around me, I also noticed that every eye in the room was on us, feeling uncomfortable under their scrutiny.

This is not good. We can't make a big commotion here.

"Killua?" she murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Are you leaving again after this?"

"I don't know yet but can I need to ask you something" she looked at me with a serious face, "It's more of a request actually,"

"What is it Kil? I'd do anything,"

"Just wait for me, love," I cupped her cheeks with my hand, "Once more,"

Her eyes widened in surprise as she realized what I was asking. "Killua, I will wait for you. No matter how long it takes,"

"I don't know how much time, but when I'm back, we..." I trailed off, a little bit embarrassed to say what I want to say, "I'll be with you and let's get married,"

I need to guarantee Alluka's safety first, I can't drag her into this complicated situation.

Meanwhile, Y/N's expression was the happiest I've ever seen after our separation. I have been looking after her secretly all these years and she never once smiled the way she smiled just now. My words were everything that she wanted to hear. It was not really a formal proposal but I was giving her something to hold on to and it was more than enough for her.

Focusing my attention to Y/N, I didn't noticed that Prince Marco is now standing near us, giving an intense glare. He snatched her from my grip and locked her on his arms.

"There's no other man that Princess Y/N will marry except me,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter met your expectations.


	12. Short Time Lovers [LIME]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:   
> \- Fluff  
> \- Lime   
> \- Mature themes
> 
> AUDIO:  
> Can't Help Falling In Love - Kina 
> 
> Characters are aged-up.

Me and Killua finally fell asleep around five a.m with my head on his chest and my right arm resting over his heart. Meanwhile, his right arm was behind me touching my back and his left hand was resting on my hand on his heart.

I don't know for how long we have been sleeping when my eyes snapped open. Then I found myself staring at the digital clock on the nightstand which reads 10:07 am in red lights.

I woke up inside the comfort of Killua's strong arms, with his naked body pressed against mine. He is sleeping peacefully, seemingly exhausted and worn out from our wild and intimate act last night but still looking so handsome. On the other hand, my body feels so tired and sore. He was rough but everytime he touched me, he made certain I feel pleasure.

The normal couple and in love. The perfect words to describe us, doing stuff that the usual couples do — _except that we are not._

Yes, it's only a _one night stand_ that wasn't supposed to mean anything, just two adults enjoying each other's company. Well, not exactly one night stand because we did this a couple of times before too. You could probably say it's friends with benefits although I don't consider us as bestfriends.

❦❦❦

_We first met each other during the Mafia underground auction party. Although we are both in an escort mission as hunters, the event was peaceful and we even had the chance to participate with some events. While everyone was enjoying and dancing to the music, I was not. I hate dancing._

_Trying to avoid the dance floor, I went to the lounge and what caught my attention was a very handsome guy with piercing blue eyes and fluffy silver hair whom I have later known as Killua. I tried to strike up a conversation with him and we immediately hit it off. He didn't smile very often as we talk but whenever he did, it was singularly attractive._

_I was really captivated when I saw him. It was hard to believe that someone would really look so handsome with messy hair._

_Later when the party died down, he offered to drive me home. I asked him to stop by at my apartment for a while to grab some coffee to compensate for his good gesture._

_But what I thought was only a harmless coffee session, suddenly turned into a night that I will never forget._

_It all happened so fast and before we knew it, we are already kissing in my bed that shook me to my very core. I didn't even see it coming, I don't even know who made the first move, but then the next thing I know, I am begging him to take it further._

_With the intensity of the passion and lust building with every kiss, Killua started undressing me, touching me in all places that had never been touched by any man before. His fingertips were electric, for whenever it comes in contact with my skin, it made me tingle in a frenzy static. I kind of get it now why relationships are sometimes based on physical attraction._

_He slowly sank himself inside me and I winced from the slight sting of being stretched to my limit. Noticing my slight discomfort, the silverette paused and stilled immediately. Once I was comfortable enough, I told him to start moving and he did._

_And oh my god! I've never felt this good before. So full and stretched and he's reaching parts of me no one else has before him. Muffled moans sounded in the back my throat as he slides in and out of me. His kisses are tender yet his thrusts are demanding. In its beautiful contrast, every cell in my body cried out, trembling and shuddering in pleasure._

_The sexual desire we found for each other that night is highly intoxicating. It affirmed our worth and built our confidence. Despite short-lived, it filled the emptiness we felt, and the more passion pervaded us, the more we felt alive. I was in the arms of a stranger but it seemed like I belong there._

_Neither of us had been in a serious relationship as both of us are afraid to commit but it's better this way. We're not foolish enough to make promises we aren't ready to keep yet. I prefer flings like this because I don't want to get hurt in the end._

_No commitment, no break-up. No break-up, no heartache._

_And perhaps we're just both lonely that we seek comfort with each other and to escape existential solitude through pleasure._

_I thought after that night, things are now over between us and will never see each other again. However, much to my surprise, our paths crossed once more as if fate has a way of working things out._

_We were both assigned to the same mission for the retrieval of a certain document. Although I can't help but think about that intimate time we shared together every time I look at him, this mission was an opportunity for us to get more acquainted with each other. I got to know his nen, his fighting skills, his love for chocolates, and how excellent his skills are - not just only in bed._

_But the mental image of him thrusting in and out of me and how he made me feel so euphoric is playing on the loop in my head. I can't help but get self-conscious. On the other hand, he seemed so calm and collected when he's with me. I wonder if he also thinks about that night we had._

_Before going on separate ways after successfully completing the mission, we chatted for a bit._

_"Y/N, are you tired today?" the silver-haired hunter asked in a gentle but stern voice, looking straight into my eyes._

_I nodded, "Yeah... kinda,"_

_"Oh," he replied, disheartened. "Because I was thinking that tonight we could..." he let his voice trailed off._

_My sleepy eyes suddenly flung open, fully alert, "Really??"_

_He smiled. Ah, that smile. How can I say no to that? "But I mean if you're too tired, I don't want to keep you-"_

_"Killua, if you want to do it then let's do it. I'm sure I'll have the energy. Don't underestimate it, I'm a hunter after all,"_

_"If you're sure you don't mind..."_

_"Of course, I'm sure,"_

_And with that, he pressed his lips into mine in a desperate yet passionate kiss._

_"K-Killua, not here. We're in public,"_

_He picked me up in bridal style and used his Godspeed to my place once again._

_Then it happened, our second one night stand._

_We collided and took off each other's clothes. His sweet scent hit me. The smell of him, the feel of him, the heat of his skin on mine, ahhh... how I missed this._

_I couldn't even talk, I just kissed him, running my hand through his chiseled chest, over his muscled back, wanting him inside me, wanting to be one._

_It was even more rapturous than our first. We had gotten more in synced with each other and our interactions became less awkward._

_How many times did we do it that night? I don't know. But assuming from the number of condom packets I found discarded on the floor the following day, it's a lot. Who the hell brings that many condoms with them anyway? Whatever._

_"You know Y/N, I haven't forgotten that first night we spent together. I couldn't even if I wanted to," Killua huskily told me as we started to put on our clothes. "Umm, Wanna keep doing this? You know... from time to time to release some stress. We're both hunters Y/N and we know how demanding this profession can be sometimes,"_

_I froze, unsure what to respond. He is looking directly into my eyes with a soft expression and I suddenly I felt like my insides are melting from his gaze. My body obviously is craving him, that, I'm not going to deny. But what will become of us in the long run?_

_"Okay. On one condition. Fifteen days," I replied._

_"Fifteen?"_

_"Yes. We'd only do it for more fifteen days max. No more, no less. Deal?"_

_He was wondering why there's a limit but he didn't insist further, "Sure. No feelings. Just sex,"_

_I felt a pang of pain in my chest, "No strings attached, just sex," I confirmed._

_Our casual physical relationship continued further. And for some reason, the more I know about him, the more I'm starting to notice that there was something different with my relationship with Killua than just sex, though I'm not sure what it is._

_For our sixth day, he took me out for a meal at a very fancy and expensive restaurant, where we got drunk and surprisingly romantic with each other._

_The seventh until twelfth took place on a romantic long weekend in a private island owned by his family. Thirteenth was in his gigantic flat, a glorious four-bedroom apartment in Yorknew. Fourteenth was make-up sex after we had a disagreement on what movie to watch on Jetflix._

_Fifteenth day, and our supposed to be the last day as agreed, was a lovely surprise when he bought me a lovely little kitten with white fur and sparkling blue eyes — which undeniably looked like him. Maybe it's his way to say 'Please don't forget me' or something. After making love under the stars, we decided to call her Luna resembling the moon's calm and beauty._

_However, due to some circumstances, we thought why end such a good thing so soon? So it got extended up to nineteenth day and decided that the twentieth would be the last one._

_We did it lots of times, several rounds per night. We tried dozens of positions, we had flirted with our kinks, we had long ago learned how and where to touch to make each other moan and gasp to delay each other's pleasure until the sweet anticipation of release becomes torture. Doing this with Killua... is the best thing ever. I cannot find myself now doing this with other guys. It's him, who I want... and maybe... perhaps... love?_

_Shoot. I can't develop feelings. Honestly, I would love to officially have Killua as my boyfriend but despite all our intimate moments and the strong bond we've developed through the weeks, I can still sense his reservation._

❦❦❦

**A/N: Play the audio**

I knew this day would come and I thought I was prepared to say goodbye but I find it hard to breathe as reality settles deep in my gut. I studied Killua's sleeping face. Heck, he's so gorgeous. How did I get so lucky? I couldn't imagine ever letting anyone else get that close to him. I marveled that, for a moment in my life, me and him are one person, joined in the most intimate act possible.

I could still taste his kisses and feel the echo of his touch on my body. If ever I do marry in twenty years' time, I'll be bored and fat and gray but I'll remember our nights always.

It's the twentieth day and we have to stop this. Two commitment-phobics like us can't start building habits. This really has to be the last time.

Careful not to wake him up, I slowly pulled myself out from his embrace and hopped in the shower. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, wearing the sappiest smile ever. I am hopeless. _Hopelessly in love with Killua. Crap. This is so bad. I broke the rule._

I nearly jumped out of my skin as two arms encircled me from behind. The silverette laid a kiss at the crook my neck.

"Can I join you?"

"Killua!" I looked at him, feeling confused. He never joins me during showers after doing the deed. Maybe because this is the last time that we're going to be together?

"Good morning! C'mon, let's shower now,"

We took a shower together. We both had a feeling of closeness though I know he doesn't feel the same way I'm feeling towards him. I scrubbed him good and tiptoed to wash his fluffy silver locks while he soaped my whole body.

After the shower, we both get dressed. This is it. This is gonna be the last time I'm seeing him.

"Y/N, before we bid each other farewell, I would like to ask if-"

"Killua, no. Let's stop this already, okay? We both had our fun but we can't do this forever. I don't regret spending my time with you throughout this process but it's time to go back on our own lives," I cut him off. The main reason why I wanted to end this set-up is because I'm falling in love with him, but I can't tell him that. If this continues, I will be the one who suffers the consequences. In the world of emotions, the one who always falls in love first loses.

I leaned into him and press my lips to his, silencing his feeble attempt to argue. He didn't respond at first but when I swiped my tongue along his lower lip, he opened up for me and his tongue meets mine.

The kiss we shared was long, languid, and passionate like it's the last kiss we'll ever truly share — well, literally it is.

Our lips only parted for much-needed air and when I opened my eyes, I met with his sad ones. _Please don't give me those sad puppy eyes._ I pecked his lips one last time before attempting to go out the door but he caught hold of my arm and stopped me.

The air around us was somber and although I want to say something to break the ice, I just couldn't without having my walls crack. I can't let him know about my feelings. I feel like if I say a single word, he'd hear my desperation. He has a life to go back and so do I.

"Y/N, please let me finish what I was about to say," Killua insisted as he let go of my arms.

"O-okay, so what is it?"

"I love you," he said so softly before looking away and he started scratching the back of his head with a tell-tale blush spreading across his face.

I couldn't think of a retort so I just stood there blushing furiously as well. For a moment, I was convinced that I need a hearing aid. I just misheard him. This can't be happening. I calculated different permutations in mind.

Maybe he meant _I like you?_

_I lust you?_

_Luna pooped?_

"S-sorry. I don't think I heard that right. Say it again please," I pressed my heart pounding so hard against my chest. I simply couldn't believe that he really cares for me.

"Don't make me say such embarrassing things. I won't repeat it again,"

"Please?"

"I-I l-love you, Y/N. What I want to ask before you cut me off earlier is can you be my girlfriend?" he mumbled with a stutter, "I must have, I realized long ago and that I... uhm, I haven't been completely honest with you before...."

He cut himself off with a groan as he put his hands over my shoulders. "How ridiculous I must be to be the last person to realize how fiercely in love I am with you. I know I broke my own rules but who cares? I was born to be a law-breaker anyways."

It took me several moments for his confession to process in my brain. I loved him, and he truly returned the feelings.

Throwing all logic out the window, I finally throw myself at him and giggle as he stumbled back a few steps while catching my weight. My lips met his and my arms tightly wrapped around his neck. My emotions are overwhelming but not in a bad way. I like the way he consumes me, the way he leaves me utterly breathless and the way he makes my heart race.

"I can't imagine doing all this with other guys other than you Kil," I spoke in a serious tone. "And I love you too, silly. This is everything I hoped it would be. I belong to you and it was beautiful to feel you in me, to be one with you. I've never felt so... so..." I couldn't find the words that I wanted to say. His presence overwhelmed me.

"Complete," he smiled. The most genuine smile I've ever seen from him. He is brimming with happiness as he commented playfully, "So do you think we could stay in bed the whole day?"

"Well, we need to eat first. I'd hate to see you lose your muscles," I giggled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... cliché... but it is what it is ~ I wanted so bad to add Killua's POV but maybe it's for another chapter or idk...
> 
> 4 more chapters before I can fully sync this with my one-shot in Wattpad.   
> I'm trying to migrate one chapter a day. 
> 
> After that, updates will be published once or twice a week. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	13. Reaching You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTENT:  
> \- Angsty-Fluff  
> \- Romance
> 
> AUDIO:  
> A Drop of Tears Extended - HunterXHunter OST
> 
> **Quick Note:** I've added images (on previous chapters too) similar to my original book in Wattpad.

**A/N: Play the music**

**` September 27, 2019  
From: (F/N)_(L/N)@huntermail.com  
To: Yui_Aizawa@huntermail.com  
Subject: My thoughts` **

Hello Yui,

Um, hi...

I'm not sure if you could still remember me but my name is F/N L/N and we've met before. I'm Killua's ex-girlfriend.

He is really amazing, isn't he? That's why I'm sending this e-mail because I just couldn't do this in person.

But now is the time I reach out to say _thank you._ Thank you for taking care of him, sticking through his bad times and giving him love he deserves.

I know that Madam Kikyo chose you to be his partner and honestly at first, I was hesitant. But when I saw that sparkle in your eyes whenever you look at him and how wonderful you spend your moments together based from your photos, I can tell that you genuinely love him. I'm at ease now that he's in good hands.

He likes you too. I can tell. I like to think I know him pretty well after dating him for more than two years. And I'm not gonna lie, when I first saw you, I felt a knot in my stomach — because maybe I'm bitter that you get to enjoy the benefits of the two years hard work I put into him.

Killua did everything for me, and now you are lucky enough to be the woman he will give his whole heart to.

He will spoil you from time to time but he is wise with his expenses, _except when it comes to choco-robos._ You have to learn how to deal with his addiction with sweets and chocolates but I'm pretty sure you can adjust well. You are going to notice how he gets excited and giggle like a child when it comes those.

He has a temper, and by this time, I think you already noticed but please don't take it personally. When he storms off, just give him a little bit of space and trust that he'll always comes back with a smile and his deep blue eyes that makes you drown just by staring.

And let me guess, you were probably impressed by his style on your first date too, right? He really has good sense of fashion and sadly to admit, he's better than me.

Also, he is not too showy in public. He gets embarrassed and flustered easily if you're being too sweet but don't let it make you down. He likes it but he doesn't know how to express himself well. Rest assured that when the two of you are alone, he will be the one to make the first move and it will be your turn to blush like tomato.

He is really handsome but not just handsome, he's the beautiful kind of handsome. Shy and sweet. But if you tell him anything like that, he'll blush scarlet crimson. He won't believe you until you kiss him with everything you have.

Killua will also tell you about his past and mistakes, but growing up in an assassin family like him, I think you know better than me. It's your job to take his hand, kiss him and let him know you are not judging him, that you accept him from who he is.

The reason I told you all of that wasn't for nothing or to brag. It was to let you know that you have something incredibly special right now and I'm pleading you to treat it with all the care in the world.

When I ended things with him, I just didn't lose a lover, but a bestfriend. The person I've spoken to everyday just went away.

It has been a year since we broke up, and I know that I shouldn't still think of him like this but I'd be lying to myself if I say I don't.

He's perfect and I let him get away and I will never forgive myself for that.

I miss him. I miss my Killua Zoldyck.

I miss the way his deep blue eyes glimmer like moonlight whenever he's happy and excited. The way his tongue pokes out of his mouth when he's laughing so hard.

I miss the way he takes care of me. It's adorable.

I miss seeing his smile that brightens my day every second I see it.

And if you are thinking right now if I still love him, yes. _I am still passionately and madly in love with him._

I hope you know how lucky you are, Yui. He is yours now — I had my chance and blew it.

All I ask of you is this: **Don't break his heart and never betray him.**

I did, and if there was a way to have avoided it, I would have. Treat him well, and he will be the best boyfriend you'll ever have.

Remember that I don't dislike you but if anything, I'm jealous of you. Believe it or not, I am really happy that you came into his life and give him a reason to smile again.

Just please take care good care of Killua because he's my everything.

**P.S:** If in any case that he's probably reading this right now, Kil, I'm sorry for everything. I'll be gone for a while because I can't stay here in Yorknew anymore when you're all I can think about. I need some time to fix myself.

I'm really sorry if I'm too much of a coward to do this in person and I really need to get this heavy stuff of my chest, thus, sending this e-mail. I'm so sorry. I really am. I thought you both deserved to know the truth.

_\- Lots of love, Y/N_

* * *

  
**` September 28, 2018  
From: k.zoldyck@huntermail.com  
To From: (F/N)_(L/N)@huntermail.com  
Subject: None` **

`[Message deleted at 23:11]`

Y/N,

I love you too, but I'm not sure how to say it. I'll never send this e-mail anyway but this is for you.

You don't know how much pain you've caused me when you left. You hurt me so much, it nearly killed me.

You took everything we had and threw it all away, you threw me away. How easy it was for you to accept my mother's bribe and conditions to stay away from me. Because if I were you, I won't give you up. I don't have the willpower to do so.

But despite all of that, despite everything that you did, for some reason that I don't understand, damn Y/N, I still love you. You walked out of my life and the gap you left behind can't be just filled by working too hard, with distractions, or even with Yui's efforts.

Y/N, I wish you were here right now. I wish I could sleep without you, do anything without you but I can't. I can't live with this hole in my heart that no one else will ever be able to fill except you.

The worst thing is, you'll never get to read this. No matter how much I want to chase and bring you back upon learning that you still have feelings for me, it's too late now. It's futile once I become the Zoldyck heir – none of my feelings will matter when that happens.

I miss you Y/N. I want to be able to walk beside you as we did before. I want that same feeling of contentment when we sit together. I miss everything we did together, everything about you, talking, going out, making love, our life. I miss us.

* * *

  
**` September 29, 2019  
From: Yui_Aizawa@huntermail.com  
To: (F/N)_(L/N)@huntermail.com  
Subject: Re: My Thoughts ` **

Dear Y/N,

Thank you for sending me your message.

Honestly, I have been wanting to contact you for some time now, but I was afraid that you'll avoid me and not hear me out.

There's something that I really need to say to you:

**GET YOUR ASS HERE NOW AND PICK UP YOUR GUY!! ******

Yes, you heard me right.

I often wondered whether Killua really like me. I'd never heard him say it properly no matter how many times I'd say it to him. I shrugged it off, figuring he'd say it when he was ready because I know that Madam Kikyo paired us suddenly.

And then I met you, I can still remember clearly. We were in the Hunter Association HQ for an event and I watched the two of you together, the way you looked at each other. It is obvious that he is in love, just not with me.

Those kinds of feelings can't be faked, Y/N otherwise, he wouldn't be so miserable right now. He cried for hours when he read your stupid e-mail. I couldn't even comfort him because it was only you he was crying out for.

He had been not sleeping and eating and pretty sure he barely did anything the whole day.

You mentioned that you need some time to fix yourself but it wasn't you who needs to be fixed, but it's me.

Y/N, I fell in love Killua the moment Madam Kikyo introduced us together. I was initially against at this arranged marriage but upon seeing him, I told myself that it's gonna be worth it. I know that he's still in a relationship with you but Madam Kikyo said that she'll handle it and I need not to worry.

Then the two of you broke up. He was so devastated and fell in the state of depression. I took that chance to help him get up on his feet once again. We tried to go out, have a date from time to time, you may have noticed that we looked happy on those pictures.

This was, however, only a façade. A fake attachment. A relationship built on deception, trying to please both of our families for their selfish satisfactions.

Unfortunately for me, my love is unrequited. You can't say that Killua is cheating, I already knew from the start that he is not in love with me. I felt it ages ago but maybe I am stupid to try and keep Killua for myself.

If there is one thing we could agree on, it's that he's really handsome and perfect. So can you really blame me for not wanting to give him up?

Anyway, I have read your e-mail a few hundred times now, over and over again. You said that you couldn't lie any more so I thought I shouldn't either, and I shouldn't encourage Killua to lie to me, pretend we are happy and in love because this relationship is goddamn one sided, thanks to you.

I love Killua... I already imagined my future with him, but he never see me as someone more than friend.

The fact is I'm stepping aside, which is I would like you to come and get him back. I will both help you escape. Go somewhere far away, and for the meantime, I'll buy you both some time to to escape from the Zoldycks. They trust me so much so they will not suspect anything at first.

Do you get it or do I need to spell it out?

He loves you and you love him. So please get your ass back here because he needs you more than anything or anyone, including me.

Kiss him with everything you have because that's what he deserves.

Good luck and look after him for me okay?

_Xoxo, Yui_

* * *

****  
**` September 29, 2019  
From: (F/N)_(L/N)@huntermail.com  
To: k.zoldyck@huntermail.com  
Subject: I'm coming for you` ** ** **

****` [sent from mobile]` ** **

My fluffball,

First of all, I'm really sorry.

I've regretted leaving you every single day of my life and now and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. And when you do, I will do anything to make it up to you. I hope you'll still believe that I am sincere when I say these things.

I love you. And I know how much you love me too. Yui knocked some sense out of me because I was so blind and stubborn.

So I am asking you, will you give me another chance? I want you back in my life, Kil. I swear to you that I will never let you down again and nothing will ever tear us apart.

Again, I'm truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you, you are the love of my life and nothing can change that.

Save your response for later, whatever your decision is, I will still be coming for you. I'm already in the airport right now.

\- Lots of love, Y/N

* * *

****  
**` September 29, 2019  
From:k.zoldyck@huntermail.com  
To: (F/N)_(L/N)@huntermail.com  
Subject: Re: I'm coming for you` ** ** **

Y/N,

~~I have been waiting for a long time for you to say that. I love you so much, Y/N. Come here right now and let me kiss you.~~

Okay, I'll wait.

_-k.z_

* * *

****  
  
** `September 29, 2019  
From: (F/N)_(L/N)@huntermail.com  
To: k.zoldyck@huntermail.com  
Subject: Re: I'm coming for you` ******

******` [sent from mobile]` ** ** **

Okay. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is a random chapter.
> 
> The author got so lazy in making dialogues so she typed in this format. Lol.


	14. Dangerous Game [LEMON]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. R-18. Contains mature themes and explicit languages not suitable for all readers. Please don't read if you are not comfortable with the elements stated above. Characters are within the age of consent.

_*C R A S H*_

"Dammit Kil! You distracted me. It's unfair! I demand a rematch!" I crossed my arms in annoyance.

My boyfriend, Killua, sighed as he looked over the scrambled wooden Jenga blocks scattered on the table.

"Baaaaka! How so? You lost to your sheer carelessness. This is the fifth time we've played and you never won even once," he protested, watching my bottom lip puckered out in irritation.

"This is the last round. I promise!"

Another sigh escaped his lips, "Hah! You think you could beat me? The Jenga master?"

I shrugged, unfazed by his sarcasm as I started re-stacking the blocks neatly one by one to build the tower. I love playing Jenga because it's easy to play. The objective of this game is to remove one block at a time from the Jenga tower and stack it on the top. The last player to stack a block without making the tower fall wins the game.

But losing five times in a row is really frustrating, I need to redeem myself and win this round or Killua will make me a laughingstock in front of Gon and the gang.

Suddenly, an idea popped into my boyfriend's mind to spice up the game.

"How about a deal?" he smirked, glancing on my direction as I paused, urging him to continue.

"Winner gets to choose where to eat our dinner tonight, and the loser must agree with whatever the winner chooses,"

"You really want to go to that newly opened desserts café don't you?"

"T-that's not the point! You in or not?" he denied but I can see that he is really looking forward to eat there.

"Oh, I'm in. Sorry to crush your hopes but we're going to eat Korean BBQ tonight because I'm gonna win this shit," I retorted competitively, unwilling to lose to this game and his schemes.

_* C L I C K ... C L I C K *_

_"I'd take the bottom one, no... I'd take this middle,"_

_"Shit! It's going to fall"_

_"Phewww, your turn"_

_"Stop talking to me Kil, I'm trying to concentrate,"_

_"I shall go with this block, wait no... it's hard to pull out, aaaahhh,"_

_"Pull-out what???"_

_"This block! Idiot! What are you thinking???"_

_"Haaah???"_

_"You already touched it so you need to choose that block,"_

_* C L I C K ... C L I C K *_

After a long intense game filled with swearing, yelling, bantering, and staring with each other, Killua seemed to have devised another plan to end the game and ensure his victory.

"Hey babe?" he called me out while I'm staring at the almost falling Jenga tower, planning my next move.

"Hmmm? I told you don't distract me," I responded still looking at blocks like they were poisonous.

"I think there's a bug on your hair. Don't move, stay still. I'll get it for you," he instructed as he stood up and went at my back.

I froze on the spot when he leaned closer and pushed the strands of my hair back, wrapped his arms around me, and placed a kiss on the side of my neck.

"W-wwhaaat are you doing Killu—aaaahhhh," I let out an involuntary moan as he continuously suck lightly on the same spot.

He hummed against my skin which caused me to squirm around. I'm completely helpless and he's turning me on so much that I can't resist what he's doing to me.

I finally bit back a moan and attempted to push him off, "S-stop please, the g-game isn't o-ver ye— aaaaahhhhh" damn this albino. I must not lose focus but I'm failing miserably. Unable to control myself, I thread my hands through his hair.

"Okay, I think I got the bug out. Don't worry, we can resume the game now," he had a devilish grin on his face as he returned to his seat.

Meanwhile, I'm breathing heavily and still in a slight state of shock. What he did caused my belly to feel as if innumerable butterflies are dive bombing in my stomach, totally losing my concentration in the game. I knew it, this is his plan from the start.

"You're playing dirty, Kil. I'm not falling from your tricks again," I warned him while trying to calm myself down.

The idiot let out a stifled laugh as he watched me move the block I chose and carefully placed it on the top of the fragile tower. But my grave mistake was that I didn't realized that my body was still trembling from his teasing.

_* C R A S H *_

Again, Jenga blocks tumbled down on the table and the floor.

"You little piece of—" I gritted my teeth in silent fury. I could've won if it weren't for his cheap tricks.

"Looks like I win," he said smiling at his victory, "It was not even a challenge, I can beat you at Jenga even with my eyes closed,"

"You play dirty Kil. You're gonna pay of this," I shut my eyes and breathe in deeply. He pissed me off so much.

"What the hell are you mad about? It's just a game Y/N. C'mon, let's go to that café. I'll treat you as a consolation prize,"

"You have to finish what you started earlier, or else I will," I demanded.

"What do you mean—" I suddenly went infront of him to grab the collar of his shirt which made him stood up and crash my lips against his which pushed him backwards until he fell on the couch nearby.

Not giving him any chance to speak, I kept kissing until he finally conceded and started kissing me back. Killua slightly opened his mouth and deepened the kiss while I climbed on top of him, straddling his lap.

I eventually pulled away for air, with a string of saliva connecting our lips.

"Such a naughty girl you are Y/N. I've been trying my best to hold myself earlier," he said between breaths.

"It's your fault, you played dirty tricks on me. It was not in the rule so right now you need to be punished,"

Leaning forward, I started planting soft kisses all over his neck and collarbone, Killua moaned softly. "I'm returning the favor," I whispered seductively then reached for hem of his shirt, began pulling it up and throwing somewhere on the floor.

I looked at him and can see his gaze has grown heated with lust. I want to feel the heat of his skin beneath my fingertips, to watch him react to me.

Impulsively, I allowed my fingers to glide up his toned bare arm, his shoulder, his chiseled chest and sculpted abs.

My own pursuit of feeling his skin against mine has been interrupted when he lifted up my arms, pulling my shirt up away, feeling the cool air brush against my body.

"Na-uh, you are not allowed to touch me just yet. You need to be punished for breaking the rules," I smiled flirtatiously, not knowing where I got these newfound confidence. I usually let him dominate me whenever we make love but now, doing this to him gives me a deep sense of satisfaction.

Killua closed his eyes and groaned as I started trailing kisses on his half-naked body. I still couldn't believe that I'm savoring this beautiful guy I've ever seen in my life and he's mine.

My other hand was feeling and tracing his scars that he got from the torture he received when he was younger. Somewhere inside me, I wished I could take these scars and pain away and take it by myself for he already experienced the worst pain out there anyway.

Then my digits hooked along the waistband of his shorts and boxers pulling them down in one quick motion, offering no resistance from Killua.

His big member popped free and gently smacked against the bottom of my chin. I gasped as soon as I saw how enormous and hard it became. It wasn't just the length that was impressive but the girth was perhaps as thick as my wrist.

"You like that huh, Y/N?" he murmured, enjoying the lustful look on my face.

"Wow Kil, I can't wait to taste it,"

I wrapped one hand on Killua's length, rubbing its tip with my thumb. I heard him gasp at the action, arching his head on the edge of the couch. Then I ran my mouth from the base to the tip with feather light kisses, allowing my hair to run across the head of his shaft. Using my tongue, I retraced my path and felt a velvety softness sensation as I lick his bulb, leaking a salty pre-cum as my prize.

And then I spread this precious drop of elixir over the tip using my thumb before slowly and purposefully taking his manhood into my mouth as far as I could until it touched the back of my throat. However, due to its sheer size, I could only got about half of its length inside.

My lips slid up and down leisurely at his member, watching him writhe with pleasure as he placed the back of his forearm on his forehead. Then I swirled my tongue around the crown of him, tasting salt, and sucked hard sliding down. My boyfriend's very easy to please, gasping and groaning for me.

"Y-Y/N, you're so good," he murmured hoarsely.

Motivated from being complimented, my tongue continued to wiggle back and forth on his cock's head while being inside my mouth, teasing his most sensitive spot. His hips strained upward despite his efforts to stay still.

Suddenly, I felt his hands on the back of my neck encouraging me to take more which I humbly agreed. I want that. I want to take every inch of him. I want to please him so badly.

He would be close to climax so I backed off a little, easing up on the suction to play with him more, to give him his ultimate punishment. Killua then parted his legs to show willingness, letting me have more access. His deep blue eyes locked with mine, showing his blatant need and desire.

Oh, he is so handsome. I went all the way down on him again slowly but sucking hard, my hand wrapped the uncovered part of his dick, moving up and down in sync with my mouth — leaving only his scrotum untouched as my other hand carefully worked its way into his eight-pack abs.

"Y-Y/N... unf... right there... take it... my good girl,"

I knew I had him when he gasped, sharp and urgent, as I kept bobbing my head up and down on his cock and lashing it with my tongue. I quickly peered up at him and could see his eyes were closed and mouth open.

And with one final intense swirl of my tongue, Killua came, spurting his hot seed down my throat as he groaned out. His overwhelming pleasure consumed him. The silverette then opened his eyes and we stared at each other as I swallowed everything he gave me, trying not to spill any drop.

With that last pop, I released him from my mouth. Then with his strong arms, he pulled me up beside him, moved the hair out of my face and wiped the excess cum off my mouth.

"Where the hell did you learned how to do that?" my satiated boyfriend asked in amazement, with a blissful look on his face.

I giggled, "S-e-c-r-e-t," I could never tell him that I watched his porn collection on his laptop whenever he's away for work.

Killua placed a kiss on my lips. It started off very chaste then I felt his arms reach around my waist and lifted me up. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss in this new angle.

Without breaking the contact of our lips, he walked us up the stairs to our room.

"What are you doing Kil? Let's go that goddamn café of yours now," I breathed, breaking the kiss and trying to squirm so he will let me down.

"You don't want me to return the favor?" I blushed fifty shades of red while lying me down on the bed with him on top. "That café could wait and besides, the most delicious dessert I would want to eat right now is in front of me,"

I was ready to argue but when his tongue began licking my neck playfully, I couldn't even remember my own name. No matter how angry or upset he makes me sometimes, one touch from him and I'm under his control.

_Oh Killua Zoldyck. The things you do to me..._

He unclasped my bra, allowing it to fall from my body but I looked at him with a concerned face. I know he really wanted to go to that café but instead, he's stuck here with me because he thinks he needs to pleasure me back.

"We don't have to do this you know," I mumbled between his kisses.

The silverette paused and reached for my chin, holding it between his thumb and forefinger, "I care more about you than that stupid café, Y/N. Trust me,"

"I-if you say so,"

"Y/N, tell me honestly, what do you want to do now?"

"Anything," well, that is true. I'll let him do anything with me because I'm his afterall.

"Don't say anything because there are lots of things I want to do with you right now," he whispered as he rubbed his fingers across my tights and panties. I almost panicked when I felt how wet I had gotten.

"Then, I'll let you decide,"

Gently, he bit down on my nipple using his lips while caressing the other one. Chills shot through my body like shock waves.

After a while, he pulled down my tights along with my floral underwear. I bit my lip and emitted a hissing sound as Killua run his fingers through my already wet essence, feeling more excited and aroused than what I've thought.

"Y/N, you're soaking wet for me," he muttered as his eyes scanned my naked body. Unable to stop himself, he slid another finger down my womanhood to collect the moisture. Then he brought them to his lips and sucked it fervently.

I've never seen something so erotic in my life before this. Watching him taste my liquids sends heat through my whole body. Then he licked his lips kept his eyes at a steady gaze into mine.

"I love how you taste like baby, no amount of chocolate will ever beat how sweet you are," he said seductively in a low voice. I felt so heated, my body protesting that he needed to stop the foreplay and let him fuck me senseless.

"Kil, I need you in me, please" I pleaded. I don't know why I even said that. Now, Killua has just seen me in my most vulnerable state and that terrifies me as much as it excites me.

As the albino sensed my urgency, he immediately kissed my lips softly but with conviction. The rhythmic flow of his tongue was intoxicating and a little intimidating.

He then caressed and kneaded my naked breasts with his skillful hands which made me quiver, sending an electricity through my body and making my breath catch in the throat.

I moaned and tilted my pelvis involuntarily upwards in search for a delicious friction against his growing erection.

A hot growl escaped from him as he nestled himself between my legs. He thrust his hips forward and shoved his massive member into my tight sex. He started moving slowly at first, giving me some time to adjust to his size.

"Killua, I'm not a doll — please fuck me like you mean it,"

With that, he plunged roughly into me, the tip of his shaft rubbing against a delicious sweet spot inside of me. I let out a moan of pleasure meeting his every thrust. Fall was upon us and it was cool out but beads of sweat coated our bodies.

"Fuck Y/N, you're so tight," Killua was staring down at me and felt his heart grow and cock swell inside me. "You have no idea how good this feels, feeling this deep inside you,"

"A-are you sure ... is it all.. the ... way in?" I panted while my cheeks flushed and my eyes are half-closed from feeling so good.

The silverette shook his head, "Not quite," then he inched himself deeper.

His dazzling blue eyes locked with mine when he caved to the animalistic part of him and forced the rest of the way inside me.

"A-aahh, right there Kil, aaaahh..." I feel like in heaven, squeezing him so tightly as his member buried deep into my core to the base of his shaft.

My slick juices squelched around him as he moved in rocking motion, in and out of me. After a few particular well-aimed shots, my hands travelled down his back, gritting his teeth when he felt that my fingernails dug into it.

I felt the knots of orgasm begin to tie up in my stomach. I arched and rocked, moaning for his name repeatedly as I occasionally remembered to breathe. Grabbing his hand, I squeezed my nails into it, trying to displace some of the overwhelming pleasure filling my body.

As Killua sensed my climax approach, he positioned his hands under my knees and kept pushing forward while continuing the thrust. His back arched as he buried himself even deeper into my wet core.

I nearly screamed with every ounce of strength I had. The bed creaked, smashing against the wall, and I was pushed back an inch every time our hips crashed together.

And that was it, I felt electricity through my limbs and saw intense flashes of color behind my closed eyes as orgasm hits through me. My pussy wall clenched around his manhood, triggering his own pleasure, and continued to pound me wildly.

"Come for me Kil, fill me up with your love,"

The tightness of my insides enveloped his hot, swelling member and he jerked at the exquisite sensation it created. Before he knew it, his shell of control began to break and he came, filling me with his seed of love. Spurt after spurt erupted from his long throbbing sword.

I felt his thick liquid mixed together with my juice. He filled me so much that it spilled itself out of my cup.

Killua collapse on top me, satiated. Meanwhile, I lazily reached his face and pushes the hair out of his eyes and rubbed his back as we tried to steady our breaths. For a while, we laid in silent embrace, my contractions slowly fading away and his cock growing soft in its warm sheath. Then he withdrew and rolled onto his back, pulling my head into his chest.

"Are you alright?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"I think so," I snuggled up against his naked, perspiration-coated body.

"I tried not to hurt you,"

"I know,"

"But I did, didn't I?" he said quietly.

"A little but it's alright," I soothed his hair with my hand and kissed his forehead to give him an assurance.

"So... Y/N, do you think we still have the time to visit that cafe?"

"Nah, you said I'm already your dessert. Let's have another round?"

"Sure. I don't say no to food"


	15. Perfect Scoop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTAINS:  
> \- Fluff 
> 
> AUDIO:  
> Perhaps Love - Eric Nam / Cheese Instrumental

**Play the music <3 **

Sundays are one of the busiest days of the week for most businesses, especially for the ice cream parlor where Y/N works at. She sees as many as _two hundred faces,_ or maybe more since she's not good at making accurate estimates.

_Milk It! Creamery_ is a well-known ice cream parlor around Yorknew City because you can smell the sweet fudge from fifty feet away, luring customers like a pitcher plant captures flies.

And since this city is also a melting pot of tourists, there's no reason for her to remember faces — they come once and never return. She doesn't even remember what some of her cousins looked like, much less the hundreds of strangers that wander into the shop, hoping for the ice cream of their dreams.

But in all her time working in the ice cream parlor, one customer always stood out from the rest. It's a tall guy with fluffy silver hair that looked so soft as cat's fur and a pair of mesmerizing deep blue eyes. She admit that she might have a crush on him.

Over the past year, she'd always see him come with different girls, which seemed to be where he took all of his first dates.

He would always sit in the same seat — last stool from the window at the bar, and always order the same thing: _Chocolate Chips topped with cocoa nibs and drizzles of chocolate syrup._ But he would let the girl get whatever she wanted though.

Sometimes, she can overhear their conversation. He always seemed genuinely interested in whatever the girl talked about and he was always kind to Y/N whenever she brought him his order, giving her generous amount of tip.

During that Sunday evening, Y/N sighed as she stood behind the counter, twiddling with the freezing metal spoons and deciding which topping she'll put on her own ice cream for her snack.

She had the graveyard shift, working from three in the afternoon until closing which was twelve midnight. Not the best shift but it was not very crowded around the evening so she couldn't complain.

Her mind was still wandering as she was stuck on what toppings to put, only to be brought back to her senses by the ringing of the entrance bell, alerting a person entered the shop. It's already eleven in the evening.

The girl straightened out her apron as she welcomed the late-night customer but she froze when she saw who it was.

It was him. That silver-haired guy that she's been crushing on for one year. But this time, only him. No girl or any companion.

His aura seemed to be different than before. As he made his way to the counter, she noticed his deep blue eyes were puffy with tears stained on his white cheeks. It was awful. Y/N couldn't stand to see him like that.

"Err... hi," he greeted with a blank face, "I'll have the usual, I guess,"

"Yeah sure," Y/N responded with her best smile, "Anything else?"

The guy shook his head "no".

After a few minutes, she got him his order. She wrapped the cone with tissue paper before handing it to him, "Here you go!"

He mumbled a _"thanks"_ as he reached out for his wallet to pay but she stopped him.

"No need. It's on the house tonight," Y/N said joyfully while his hands froze midway to his pocket. Hoping that this little gesture would cheer him up.

"I'm perfectly able to pay—"

"I insist," she persuaded the young man. "You helped me pay my bills more than once from the tips you gave me, so it's really fine. Let me return the favor,"

"O-okay, if you say so," he replied, smiling finally. It was the first time since he entered the store, "Thanks....?"

"Y/N," she replied abruptly, "And you are?"

"Killua,"

"I see. Nice meeting you, Sir Killua. You have fun now and give me a shout if you need anything else,"

The guy named Killua sat in his usual seat and started eating his ice cream while Y/N walked away to clean a few things for the night. As she wiped down the counter, she suddenly heard someone giggling then when she turned around, the silverette was looking at her.

"Hey, what's so funny?" the girl exclaimed with a slightly pouty face, giving him a glare.

"Just I found it kinda amusing," he began explaining, "Every time I come here, you're always here too. You're the one who always makes my order,"

"Ahh... true," her face broke into a bashful smile and her cheeks turned light pink, "We've always known each other but at the same time we actually don't know each other," she finished cleaning the counter and walk closer to him.

"The irony huh?"

"Yeah," she responded, their eyes locked in a gaze. His eyes showed that he was indeed crying which stung her heart a little.

There was silence for a while. Killua finished his ice cream and at the same time, Y/N cleaned up for the night.

The silverette spoke again, "Probably you may have noticed I'm alone this time,"

Yes, she did notice as soon as he entered the store but wasn't brave enough to bring it up. It's none of her business anyway. Y/N didn't know how to respond to his statement so she nodded.

"Figured," he continued. "I felt like shit and having a hard time sleeping so I think eating ice cream is a good idea,"

"I get it," she chuckled, looking at his eyes. "Sometimes the solution is eating unhealthy junk at late in the evening,"

"Hey, how dare you call this a—" he pointed at the crumbs of cones at the bar counter, _"—junk._ This ice cream is to do die for!!"

"And I'm assuming that's a good thing?"

"Of course!" he exclaimed, "I love this place, why do you think I'm always here?"

"Well you're right," she beamed, removing her uniform's cap and her soft hair fell down her back.

"Uhm... so what's up?" Killua asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Oh, it's nothing... it's just I've been here a while and it was really busy earlier," she turned to him while she crossed and rested her elbows on the bar counter.

"How much longer do you have?" he asked again, sounding interested.

"About 30 minutes I guess. Why?"

"I mean... I could stay here if you don't mind. I'll keep you company," he watched her with slight amusement.

"Uh, okay. If you really want to, " she nodded slowly, thinking it will be fine since it's almost closing and probably weren't going to have any more customers, and of course, she didn't mind the company. "But, is it okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, I prefer being here for a bit. My roommates are being loud too," he confirmed.

"Loud? What are they doing? If you don't mind me asking," Y/N asked curiously, giving a nervous laugh. She was thinking other stuff on her head but she hoped it's not what she thinks it is.

"Ahhh... they were playing Mario Kart,"

"I see, well, we could hang out after my shift to the nearest park," she batted her eyes and it was appalling. Y/N was radiating all kinds of excited energy ever since Killua entered the shop.

A red flush crept up Killua's face as he averted her gaze, "Sounds like a plan,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this one's short.


	16. One More Chance [LIME]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. This chapter contains mature themes and sexual content. Reader's discretion is advise. Characters are within the age of consent.

Y/N was in her own world, minding her own business. She really was. Killua was the last thing on her mind, and the last person she expected to bump into the middle of the night. In the middle of the restless city, York New.

And yet there he was, seemingly bewildered as she was, untangling a pair of earphones from his ears. Y/N felt a lump in her throat, tightening her grip on the straps of her backpack as their eyes met, momentarily locking them in a trance.

"Ahhh, it's the old hag,"

She gave a low chuckle at the nickname he used to call her, "You still hadn't learned how to treat your seniors with respect. Such a meanie, electric guy"

Killua's expression softened and took a step towards her, reaching out to flick her forehead, "And you still pick fights with people younger than you?"

She rubbed her forehead and glared at him. Y/N wasn't sure how to respond — it's been a while since they saw each other, literally. And running into him in the same spot where they once said their final goodbyes, well, it's a little bit ironic.

The hunter adjusted his bag on his shoulder then gazed up to the full moon in the sky, "What are you doing out here late in the evening? Isn't it past your bedtime, hag?"

"Isn't it past yours too, kid?" the girl couldn't help but tease him back.

He let out a short sigh of amusement. Maybe he shouldn't have added that last comment. It's weird how can they be so comfortable with each other now considering how they ended things between them _three years_ ago.

"Alright, alright..." he held up both of his hands in defense.

Few moments of silence had engulfed between them, and Killua began to feel awkward.

"I was gonna visit the neighboring city but ended up staying here in York New this late," Y/N finally spoke.

Killua looked at her from head to toe, checking her attire — sporting a black hoodie and a dark blue pleated mini-skirt with long black stockings and white sneakers. This slightly frustrates him because he can't tell where exactly is she going and don't want to ask. It wasn't like he cared, really. It wasn't like he was obligated to care anymore.

"That's cool. I guess, have fun?" the silverette replied, making a motion to leave.

Suddenly a thought struck him. This could be their last encounter, their last conversation, and the last time he'd see her angelic face.

On the other hand, Y/N felt a pang in her chest upon seeing Killua taking his leave. _Is this really it? Is she going to let him go like that?_

So many times, she imagined what their reunion would look like. She was supposed to flaunt the better version of herself, fresh and beautiful and to be able to walk past him nonchalantly. She wasn't supposed to meet him in the middle of the night alone, looking so haggard and sleep-deprived.

"Thanks. And what about you? Where are you going?"

Killua pointed at the inn on the other side of the road, "I'm gonna check-in for the night. I'll meet Gon and the others tomorrow,"

"Oh," was all she said, "Alright. Have a good night then,"

Y/N gave him a subtle nod and half-hearted smile before walking past him, slowly. Deep down, she was anxiously waiting for him to call her back, to run up to her and apologize, to hold her close.

But all she got was, "Yeah. You too!"

❦❦❦

**A/N: Play the music <3 — extra feels**

The dazzling city lights emerged against the background of absolute darkness and Killua wondered about Y/N's whereabouts at this time of the night. The air has gotten cooler and got worried if she will feel cold, considering that she's wearing a skirt.

His beer was starting to taste flat. It's his fault for choosing a cheap bar near his hotel. He only had a bottle, but it was enough to distract him from the earlier encounter. _That's what he thought._ It is actually to let him stop questioning himself why he didn't run after her.

He looked outside the window of the bar, hoping to spot her if she appeared again. But maybe she won't. She'll probably meet up with a friend, or perhaps, _boyfriend, her new lover._

After finishing his beer, he walked out of the bar. He was supposed to go back to his hotel and yet, here he was, trying to trace her step. He felt pathetic and regretful. And maybe a little bit immature for not being honest with himself.

It was supposed to be a clean break-up that day, so many years ago. That day in this very spot when they decided that they would go separate ways.

Killua hadn't thought of her at all for a long time. Feelings, thoughts, emotions, all completely repressed. Yet, just one little encounter with her suddenly opened up the bottled feelings, all came rushing back like a tidal wave.

He promised himself that if by luck they meet again, he'd do things differently. He would tell her how he felt, unfiltered and show her how he felt without restrictions.

❦❦❦

_Room 527._ Y/N had been pacing back and forth outside the door while her heart pounding so loudly as if it's trying to escape her chest.

She was feeling nauseous, dizzy and hot while Killua's stupid face was still on her mind. She found it weird that she never thought of him for a long time and now he's all she could think about. To the point that she's now standing in front of his hotel room and had no idea what she's doing with her life.

All she wanted was to meet him again and to tell him that she regretted leaving earlier.

The girl knocked several times but no success. Maybe he had fallen asleep already? As she stood there contemplating, she heard footsteps coming up. Y/N hurriedly gripped the door handle and pretended to fumble her imaginary keys until the person passed by.

Goosebumps and chill went down her spine when the footsteps came to a stop on the same spot where she's at and a familiar voice spoke.

"Y-Y/N? What are you doing here? I thought you're on your way to the other city?" Killua stuttered as he felt different emotions when he saw her.

Y/N turned around to face him, her hands were trembling. The silverette on the other hand was staring at her intently. She could smell the reek of alcohol from him and wondered if he could smell hers too.

But before she could respond, Killua angled his head and pressed his lips over hers, stealing the words that had been sitting idle in her tongue.

A warm, electric feeling spread throughout her body as if they had gone back in time. The hunter broke the kiss for a while to open the door into the room, quickly shutting them when he pushed her body against the frame.

He wasn't sure how to stop himself now, as he was acting purely on impulse. Meanwhile, Y/N was responding eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. Then she found herself tugging on his shirt, pulling it over his head.

Hers followed after a while as the silverette sunk his lips onto one side of her neck, tasting her with each lick and suck. He didn't realized that he missed her so badly until she was back in his arms. Killua suddenly felt her legs locked around his back, her waist thrust forward as he slid his hands under her skirt.

Y/N could hear herself gasping heavily as he snapped her underwear into two, tearing it apart. Her fingers worked through his silver locks, grasping onto the strands as he started to ravage her wet essence with his deft digits.

She hoped that the guests from neighboring rooms wouldn't hear her screaming out his name. She was completely drowned with pleasure the moment her orgasm engulfed her making him growl with satisfaction.

Her heart was pounding out of control as she came, her liquids dripping down her thigh. She rested her head on the crook of his neck but before she could gather her scattered thoughts, she felt him withdraw and lift her feet up.

"One," he whispered against her ears before placing her on the bed with him on the top.

_Credits to the artist: gmlwls2612 (twitter)_

The only source of light in the room was from the speckled moonlight which fell between the curtains, highlighting his sculpted face. His chiseled chest hovered over her, muscles glistening with his sweat.

Every inch of her skin tingled with excitement, and she could barely maintain eye contact with him. Silence ensued between them but Y/N was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to even if she wanted to talk.

As he pulled down her skirt, she felt a gust of cold air tickle her skin and her stomach caved in as he unclasped her bra. A hint of smile lurked around Killua's lips as his thumb brushed over the peak of her mounds before dipping his head forward and latching his warm mouth on the other side of her chest.

Her fingernails dug into his shoulder blades as he went down to wedge his tongue onto her womanhood insistently. She practically purred _"yes"_ over and over as he lapped at her, her body arching against the tangled sheets.

Already, she could feel it coming again and didn't know if she had the energy to release in a short span of time. The way he was handling her, the way he was kissing her felt so good but at the same time it felt like punishment. The wet strokes of his bundle of nerves was rough, fast and unforgiving.

Once again, it made her climax and tumbled over the edge of bliss. Killua held her so close to him, letting her recover to calm her harsh breaths. It was strangely an intimate moment.

He looked so amused, that seductive smile plastered across his lips as he mumbled, "Two,"

"K-Killua..." she spoke, finally finding her voice. She felt like an emotional wreck underneath him.

"You're still beautiful as before my kitten," he hummed on her ears before hastily unbuckling his belt and pulled down his pants and boxers, kicking it out of the bed.

Y/N melted under his gaze. She suddenly realized that she has been on the receiving end the whole time. Nervously, she let her hand wander to his stiff length, squeezing it gently while admiring his perfectly chiseled abs.

She felt proud of herself as she took control, his eyes tightly squeezed as his body fell into sweet ecstasy. He was incredibly hard and she realized that he must have been stopping himself from going further.

Then her free hand reached up to touch his cheek, "Killua, do you want to—"

"—do you want?" he cut her off instantly, his voice was low and heavy. And that's when she understood that he was asking for her permission.

Y/N's lower half was aching from her successive release but nodded anyways.

The silverette didn't hesitate and entered her which set fire to her nerve endings and her hips buckled up in response. Moans erupted from her as he pumped her sweet flesh enabling her to dig her nails into the crumpled sheets at her sides.

She'd forgotten how much he filled her, how much he used to make her feel like she was in cloud nine.

"K-Killua!!!" she yelled out as her partner kept burying himself, over and over, hitting that sweet spot with each deep stroke. He rendered her thoughts incomprehensible, shattering her senses into million pieces. She could think of nothing but savor the raw pleasure he's giving her.

They rocked together, moving in perfect sync. As her naked body arched, he grabbed her by the waist and lifted her off the bed and that's when he pulsed, and felt his release.

"Y-Y/n......" he grunted as he paused for a moment, releasing everything he had inside her before feeling his muscles weaken and legs go limp. He struggled to keep himself from crashing on top of her.

Killua tried so hard to be patient, rebuild her slowly after he broke her twice but from the moment he entered her, all reasons were thrown out of the window and his body wouldn't seem to listen as it continued to slam into her. Guilt had begun to consume him upon realizing how rough and relentless he had been.

As he was still lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize her hands cupping both sides of his face.

"Three," she whispered as she smiled. That smile that brought back million of memories they shared in a split second within Killua's mind.

❦❦❦

Y/N woke up to the sound of the bathroom door opening. A groan escaped her mouth as she tried to move — she was _very, very sore._ Her entire body ached but despite it all, it was what she wanted.

She found herself giggling as the silverette walked towards her and leaned down to kiss her lips, feeling the cool drips of water from his face and hair. She caught a whiff of his scent like vanilla and for a brief moment, she thought she wouldn't mind round four.

As he sat on the edge of the bed, it sunk lightly while he traced her bare skin with his calloused fingers, "Good morning, hag,"

"Morning," she responded with a rather raspy voice. Y/N internally contemplated what would become of their relationship now.

Meanwhile, Killua studied her expression. How calm and happy she looked, wondering if he looked the same to her as he was extremely satisfied last night. He was longing for her and now that she's right here in front of him, he wasn't sure how to proceed from here. Are they going to part ways and pretend that last night never happened?

"Y/N, what do you think about us now?" he asked nervously looking around the room.

She paused for a while before replying, "I actually don't want to think about it now,"

She really didn't. _Thinking_ was what made the situation complicated between them last night. It was what led her to give him the cold shoulder and walk away. _Thinking_ was what made her regret her actions and ended up going to his hotel. It was when they acted upon impulse, that's when things work out.

Looking from the grin on Killua's face, she could tell he felt the same, "Do you want to think about.... hmm... breakfast instead?"

She nodded as she slowly turned on the other side, still sore, "There's this newly opened breakfast place on the downtown York New," she blushed when she saw the puddle of clothes on the floor, "Although you need to buy me a new underwear if we're gonna walk outside the public,"

"I'll lend you my boxers instead,"

"KILLUA! NO!" she shoved him, scowling playfully and sliding her legs to kick his back lightly.

Y/N watched him for a moment, taking everything she neglected after all of these years, "I've missed you so much Kil,"

"Me too, Y/N"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was aiming to write a smut with a real plot so I used less"flashy" sensual words which was really difficult.
> 
> I guess... everyone's here for the plot right? *smirk smirk*


	17. Leap of Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning — chapter contains depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and cursing. Please proceed with caution and discretion is advised. Characters are aged up.

_I'm really a worthless fucked-up person. Completely useless. Good for nothing. That's all I've ever been._

My entire body was shaking as I stepped closer to edge of the cliff, nearing to my impending doom. My heart was pounding loudly as I peered down into the waves in the sea, roaring violently underneath me. I will definitely die from the impact if I jump off this cliff or if not, by drowning.

Life is not colorful like a rainbow as what others claim it. It's only full of suffering, misery and loneliness. This was the reality I have come to realize after all that has transpired over the past few years.

I raised my head and gazed into the dark and starlit sky and wondered, do people even see my existence?

I'm sorry everyone, but there is nothing else I can do...

Staring still into the ocean, I let my feet carry my weary body inching towards the edge. The blue waters stared back that just seemed like they are waiting for me. My bottom lip queered with fright but I made up my mind.

My life has never gone as I planned out so I don't really see the point in living anymore. I thought I could handle the insults, the bullying and never ending pressure with University and the society on top of the ever growing self-esteem issues but I guess, I'm not strong enough to do that.

I honestly tried everything to make myself happy, to block out these negative thoughts but no matter what I do, this permanent black cloud over my head doesn't seem to go away.

If the universe really cared about me, if anyone at all ever cared about me, then trust me, I wouldn't be here at all. A part of me wished I wouldn't do this but at this point, I had enough.

An uncontrollable tear escaped my eyes and ran down my cheek. Everyone who I thought who would be there for me, love me, just left me and I am now alone.

Freedom. That's all I ever wanted. I want to be free of the weight I am carrying. But more than that, I want to be free of the pain.

I moved my foot one inch closer, allowing it to dangle in the air. A chunk of stone chipped from my movement and fell into the water. My eyes followed the falling stone to see how far it goes but the darkness didn't allow me — although I heard a splash as it made contact with the water and a ripple that showed it was there.

There is no life down there. Only water and darkness.

I squinted my eyes and let myself prepare for the impact that will be the end of me. This is it. This is really the end.

As chilly air breezed across my body, I took one last look at the beautiful view. Maybe "goodbye cruel world" is a bit too cliché even if no one is around to hear it. I shall go with, "Go fuck yourself world! I'm done with you!" because it sounds more original.

I dropped forward to free-fall and expect my body to meet the water smacking, drowning my entire body in the sea but instead, I fell in the opposite direction and felt a mild tingling sensation throughout my body like an electric shock.

When I regained my senses, the feel of still being alive hits me. Sturdy arms were holding onto my waist as they pull me on the ground, encasing my fragile body in a tight embrace.

"You know, what you're doing looks pretty dangerous," a smooth and deep voice spoke from behind me.

"W-why do you care? And why did you do that?" I yelled out in anger. He ruined everything.

"One day," the guy with a silver hair and pair of blue eyes mumbled. I look at him with a puzzled expression. He stepped back a few feet and freeing her from his grip. "Give me one day and I will give you a new reason to live,"

Confusion clouded my head. This complete stranger is stopping me from killing myself. Why does he care? It took me so much effort to bring myself to do this and now he interrupted, I can't do it. For some reason, I don't want to jump in front of him — or maybe, I don't want anyone to see me die. I decided I can prolong my death for another day as long as I can get him out of the way.

"Okay," was all that I said. He looked relieved and satisfied with my response.

"Alright, so I guess I'll see you here tomorrow," the mysterious guy smiled before disappearing away into the night.

❦❦❦

Was it a dream? Maybe I'm already dead and I'm in the afterlife now. I am conscious but my eyes doesn't want to open or rather, I refuse to open them. Doing so would be admitting what happened last night was real. Yesterday was suppose to be the end. My last day. But here I am, wondering why I am still alive.

_Why would that guy wanted to save me?_

I got out of my bed then took a shower. Then I shuffled my closet on what to wear and ended up wearing skinny jeans and a black hoodie.

_Perhaps a little lipgloss won't hurt._

After dressing up, I went to the cliff to see the stranger from last night. He was standing at the very position I was yesterday, looking at out into the sea.

Above us was a cloudless sky of the deepest blue from which its reflection cast down to the serene sea below. It was low tide so there were no large waves crashing in, but I can see the high tide mark on the bottom of a nearby cliff.

A calming silence hovered between us as we admired the view. Then his azure eyes met mine as he nervously ran his fingers through his already messy silver hair before smiling at me.

Looking at him makes me feel at home. I never knew a random stranger could make me feel so safe. I've never felt anything like this before. He had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, staring at me like they're reading my mind. He's probably around my age or maybe a few years older.

"Why were you out here last night?" he curiously asked, breaking the silence.

"Because life's a bitch," I heard him laugh softly at that. His cute laugh made me smile for a split-second.

"And you think jumping off this cliff is the best solution?"

"It's the easiest,"

I saw him raised an eyebrow, like silently telling me how stupid of an excuse that is.

Suddenly, he rested his hand against my shoulder that felt like it's zapping me with a million bolts of electricity.

"Wanna play Mario Kart with me?" it's my turn to raise an eyebrow to him, giving a bewildered look.

"Excuse me?"

"You can come and play it with me,"

"Why me? I-I don't know how to play computer games," I can't believe he's asking me to play a game with him. What have I gotten myself into? Will playing Mario Kart will be my reason to live?

"That's fine, I'll teach you. I don't have many friends. I just moved here and I could do with someone to play with. So, what do you say?"

I gazed into those blue eyes again, waiting for some sign to tell that he isn't being serious. Before I can even think about it, a word tumbled out of my mouth.

"Hmm, Okay,"

"Great! By the way, I'm Killua," he said.

"And I'm Y/N,"

A cliff is not always a piece of rock but sometimes, it's a turning point of decision. It could be a step backwards, or a step forwards. But it always represents one thing, change.

❦❦❦

"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" Killua's mouth dropped open after going on a speed boost, shot over a ramp, easily passing him. We were playing Mario Kart at his place.

"A girl's gotta have her secrets," I smirked as I raced past him.

He groaned as I shot over the finish line, completing my third lap, once again winning another round.

5-0 in favor of me. I never imagined that playing this is fun and I'm so good at this.

The silverette scoffed, "Oh hell no, I demand a redo!" I laughed at him.

"But we just did!"

"Well I want another," he sulked like a kid who didn't get any candy. "You know what? I changed my mind. Let's go ice skating instead,"

Before I could protest, he dragged me and we walked out of the room to the nearest skating rink.

❦❦❦

"Killua! Don't leave me. I don't know how to skate!" I screamed hysterically, trying to catch up with him while holding tightly in the rails as if my life depended on them.

Wait, what am I saying? This is the perfect chance. If I fall down and die, it's not a bad thing at all. "If I die here, I'm going to kill you!"

"Don't be such a baby and leave the rails. If you fall, I'll catch you. That's a promise," he glided over to my side.

"You make it look so easy. Killua, I'm slipping off.... aaaahhh!!! Buy me some Carnation flowers at my funeral ok?"

"Gosh Y/N, you're so overdramatic," he chuckled while extending his arms to me.

_His laugh. I could listen to it all day._

He held my hand as we glided through the rink. Twenty minutes later, he finally convinced me to try it by myself. And I did.

I'd made a couple of laps and a little bit faster now and proudly announced, "How's that? I'm getting the hang of it!"

But right after the words came out of my mouth, I lost my balance and started to fall. Killua surprised me by circling his arms around my waist and picked me up, placing me on the rails and gesturing for me to climb on his back.

I hesitated, "Killua, I'm too old for piggy backs,"

He didn't budged so I just wrapped my legs around his waist and climbed on his back. We both skated throughout the rink. People were looking at us and whispering but we both honestly don't care. We were having fun as if we're the only people here.

"I'm on the top of the world!!!!" I screamed on top my lungs. I felt so guilty for being so happy. It's been a while since I got this euphoric.

"I didn't know you're a Titanic fan," he teased.

The number of times I pulled his fluffy locks was definitely record breaking. His hair was so soft that I wanted to sit in on his shoulders and play with them all day.

Wait! What did I just thought? Eww. I'm disgusting.

After we finished, we went to the nearest fast food to eat our lunch.

"Did you had fun, Y/N?" he asked while chomping his Big Wac.

"Yeah. It's been a while since...." I trailed off when I started to realize what I am about to say. He gazed deep into my (e/c) eyes.

"Tell me everything. I'll listen,"

I hesitated for a while. I really don't know why I am bothering to talk to this guy. And he is being cocky if he thinks I'm about to pour my heart out to him. Well, I'm going to die soon anyway, might as well tell him the truth.

I told him how my whole family died while saving me from the Chimera Ants years ago. We were living peacefully in NGL that fateful day. Actually, our whole village perished with only me as the sole survivor.

My father acted as bait to lure the ants away while my mother had hidden me inside the well and instructed me that whatever happens, I should never go out until help has arrived.

I did as I was told. Hearing my family screamed for help and can't do anything broke my heart into pieces. I was physically alive but mentally and emotionally, I died with them.

"I just left them to die, the memory still haunts me every night," I said, filling him the details happened in my life that devastated me the most.

I also told him how my uncle adopted me after that incident and we moved to _Doli City in the Republic of Rokario,_ a country just outside NGL. I thought that my life will get better but I was wrong, my uncle took all of my inheritance that my father left me, leaving me penniless.

Luckily, I got a scholarship to enter the university but I have to work at the same time to support my expenses and allowance. I can't handle both at the same time, thus, failing my subjects and losing my scholarship. My "so-called" friends left me hanging and most of my classmates are bullying me because I came from NGL, literally calling me an _uncultured swine._

"Life totally sucks, but I guess I deserved this because I let my family die in front of me. It's the heaven's way of punishing me," I stopped to catch my breath and started hyperventilating. My entire body suddenly felt numb.

It really felt good to rant and let it all out but remembering those memories all over again was a nightmare. Killua's hands slowly loosen its grip to mine that I didn't even noticed he was holding which made me calm down.

I stared at his blank face. How could he make me feel this way in just a couple of hours?

"Y/N, that's enough," he whispered in my ears, "Thank you for sharing it,"

"I'm sorry. It was a sad story,"

"I want you to forgive yourself... and by forgiving yourself, you won't have to feel that pain anymore,"

"How can you be so sure?" I asked him while internally pondering why am I trusting this man.

He looked back at me and smiled, "I'm not. But sometimes you just gotta take risks, you know?"

"Just like how I risked the bond we have right now?"

The silverette grinned brightly and nodded at me. Before he could snatch away his hand, "Don't let go," was the words came out of my mouth.

"I won't. And Y/N... one last thing, your parents won't be happy if you give up so easily. They risked their lives just to save yours. Don't let their sacrifice go into waste,"

His words hit me like a slap in the face. _If only he listened to himself as well..._

❦❦❦

"Thank you for today Killua," I said as we stood outside the door of my small apartment. Then he moved his head forward not breaking eye contact with a worried look on his face. His sudden action surprised me, making me lean my back on the door.

_Is he gonna kiss me?_

_Should I kiss him back too?_

_But I never kissed anyone before. I don't know how to._

My trail of thoughts had been interrupted as he yanked his head back just as I realized that I want to kiss him too.

"You're welcome Y/N. Hope you really enjoyed today. See you at the cliff tomorrow..." he voice trailed, "alive..."

Then I walked inside to my room, feeling so annoyed at myself.

❦❦❦

I woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air. My frequent nightmares continued despite deciding to continue my life. Doubt and fear filled my head as I desperately trying to bridge the gap between myself and reality.

Just as I thought. _I can't keep living like this. I can't do this anymore._

Drenching in sweat, I removed my blanket and jumped out of the bed. I rushed out of my apartment and I climbed onto my bicycle. I just have to be selfish right now. It's now or never. This time I will do it.

Fierce winds brushed through my hair as my legs soon begin to give up due to the speed I'm riding my bike. I froze abruptly in my tracks, surprised and confused when I saw Killua in that very spot where I am suppose to jump.

Could it be...?

"Killua, the reason why you were here yesterday was not to stop me right?"

He fell silent. His speechlessness made me think that my hunch was right.

"It's because you are originally planning to jump too," I immediately grabbed his arms, hoping for him to deny it.

"I'm really sorry Y/N,"

The silverette lurched forward, falling into water as my mind goes blank.

❦❦❦

Confusion consumed my mind as I struggled to catch my breath but didn't had the chance. Now I had no air, the water in my lungs made me choke and cough.

After a few minutes, I felt like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Where am I?

My eyes flicked open and my body responded from a familiar touch that held onto my waist. It was Killua's.

_Flashing red lights._

_Sirens._

I recognized those. Footsteps started coming through at an aggressive speed as officers and paramedics came out walking in our direction. I know that they're here for Killua, and I couldn't save him. I let him die. I let someone die again in front of my eyes the second time.

Turning my head on his direction, I saw him conscious, with a puzzled expression looking back at me. I wonder if it was his ghost.

Then suddenly, a voice interrupted my thoughts.

_"A suspected suicide took place, with female and male both dead. We presume they both jumped together,"_

Our gazes still locked with each other as realization hits me. Drenched in water, my consciousness started drifting away as if some powerful magnet started to heave my mind and soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September is suicide prevention month.
> 
> To anyone struggling, feeling down and unheard out there, please know that **you are not alone.**
> 
> _You are loved.  
>  You are strong.  
> You are important.  
> You are amazing._
> 
> Even though it may seem like it right now, these feelings will not last forever and things will be better in time.
> 
> And to everyone, please take the time to check on your friends and loved ones, please do spread love and kindness and realize that mental well-being is important.
> 
> Sorry for dragging this A/N for long. Take care everyone and stay safe. I love you ❤
> 
> I might make a part 2 (maybe, depends)
> 
> Also... I've finally caught up with the latest chapters I have in my Wattpad book. From here on, updates will be published once or twice a week <3
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	18. Leap of Faith 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTAINS:  
> \- Fluff
> 
> AUDIO:  
> \- White Album 2 - Shizuka Na Fuyu No Yoru Piano Cover

A/N: Play the audio <3

_Y/N_

I woke up with a very bad headache and rubbed my forehead. Last night's dream was really weird — me and Killua were drowning and for the first time in the longest time, I wanted to survive. I wanted to live for as long as I can. 

I thought about Killua and how he'll be so disappointed in me. He tried to hard to help me and I was just going to ignore his efforts, and how I was going to throw away my parent's sacrifice so that I could live. 

I'm going to see him today and maybe to tell how much I appreciate it. My heart beats so fast whenever I think of him and I ached to hear his voice. It's weird how one day ago I was going to commit suicide and now here I am, developing feelings for the guy who just saved me.

❦❦❦

_Killua_

I couldn't do it. My initial plan was to jump as I had lost my sister Alluka and the only girl that captured my heart. My body aches to see her, to hear her voice, to feel her once more. 

When I saw Y/N, she just reminded me of her. That beautiful (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes and her personality. During that time when I brought her home, I wanted to kiss her so bad but it's inappropriate because they are entirely different person. 

But I don't know really. I felt so happy being with her even though we only spent our time together for a day. There's something about her that I couldn't explain. I know my ex-gf would've wanted for me to move on too. 

I couldn't let Y/N do what she was going to do. I saved her but truth be told, she also saved me. But perhaps fate was the reason why we meet on the cliff that night — so that we could save each other and find a reason to live again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. This chapter sucks big time. I know. Don't kill me please! 😭 This is only to tie up some loose ends from the first part and I kinda' wanted to give them a happy ending because they both deserve it.


	19. Birthday Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTAINS:  
> \- Fluff  
> \- Cheesy Romance

Y/N was lying on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as her earbuds played the low, mellow tune of the music she was listening to. She sighed quietly, pushing herself into a sitting position when she suddenly heard a knock at the door. She pulled out one of her earbuds.

"Come in...." she called out, loud enough for whoever it was on the other side of the door. She really doesn't want to see anyone right now but might as well let them come in as it might be something important. 

The door pushed open and there stood Gon, with his signature big grin on his face but soon dropped when he saw her slightly irritated face. 

"Uh... was I disturbing you or anything Y/N-chan?" 

She heaved another sigh and shook her head, "What do you want?" the girl asked, taking the other earbud from her ear. 

Gon cleared his throat a little before speaking, "I'm not really sure if you received my text message earlier but I was wondering if you would come with the rest of the class. We are heading out to celebrate Killua's birthday," 

Y/N took a glance at the calendar on her wall to check although she knew it was his birthday. 

"Ahhh, yeah... it's his birthday," she said quietly under her breath, "Sure. I'll come along. Just let me get ready first," 

Gon nodded and stepped out of the room. She quickly walked over to the closet and looked all over the outfits, making faces at each one until she finally had chosen the right one. 

After getting ready, Y/N went out, slowly shutting the door behind her to meet with Gon. He was nowhere to be found so she decided to go to his room instead. It bummed her to go because she had to go to the other side of the campus. 

At Hunter's University, the girl's dormitory is located on the west side of the campus and the boy's dorm is on the east. 

Before she could leave the girl's dormitory building, she received a text message from Gon requesting to meet at the lobby instead. 

Y/N stopped on her tracks and waited for Gon. Suddenly, she thought that, is it okay for her to go to his birthday because she didn't prepare any present for him. Not that she forgot about it, it's just she doesn't know what to buy. He's a rich kid and she's not, and whatever she can afford might only look like trash to him.

Her thoughts cut short when she felt a hand tap her shoulder. 

"You looked really nice tonight, Y/N," he said as the girl glanced in his direction.

"What do you mean? Why only tonight?" she rolled her eyes and grinned slightly. "Shush, Gon. I don't really care what you think,"

The ravenette chuckled and together they went to the student union hall where the rest of their classmates were gathering.

When they entered the hall, they were greeted by the faces of their classmates and some of the upperclassmen, which she recognized as Leorio and Kurapika. Y/N immediately shuffled over to Ponzu and sat beside her. 

"Y/N! Nice to see you! I thought you said yesterday that you won't be coming?" a smile rose onto her face. 

"Pffft. I only came for you and Gon. And maybe, K-killua, but it's not like I really wanted to celebrate his birthday" Y/N replied, trying to hide her obvious blush upon saying Killua's name. "Actually, only the three of you are the only ones I get along in this class," 

"Keep lying to yourself Y/N," she chuckled.

"Shut up! Where's that silver jerk anyways?"

Ponzu glanced at her watch, "His sister Alluka is distracting him for us, giving us some time to get everything planned out. Who knows what are they doing though, she really didn't tell us,"

Y/N let out a small hum as she looked around the hall, her classmates were bustling with anticipation for his arrival. Killua is popular after all. He excels in almost everything, as expected from a Zoldyck. 

The whole area was decorated with balloons and streamers, confetti littered the floors and tables, and each table had a wide array of meals from pasta dishes to steak. And in the middle table was a giant chocolate cake with four layers. Ropes of light can also be seen in different colors and mini disco balls were placed in various spots on the floor. 

A little while later, they heard Leorio screamed, "Alluka texted! They're coming!" 

He rounded up everyone and directed them to hide behind the door as he prepped himself to pull the string of the party popper once he entered. 

The door swung open and there stood Alluka holding onto a well-dressed Killua. He looked kinda terrified and surprised at the same time. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KILLUA!!!" Everyone cheered as they both entered the hall. A gasp of surprise escaped his lips while he stared wide-eyed at the people across the room upon seeing what they prepared for him.

A gasp of surprise escaped his lips while he stared wide-eyed at the people across the room upon seeing what they prepared for him 

"T-thanks everyone," he mumbled out. Killua, despite feeling embarrassed, began to smile brightly. 

Suddenly, a small horde of excited fangirls started to gather around him, giving him tons of presents which made him pile it on the table. Y/N wanted to greet him personally but decided to do it later since she doesn't want to butt in with his fangirls and doesn't want him to think that she's one them. 

After everyone greeted the silverette, they sang him a _Happy Birthday_ as he stood behind the cake feeling uncomfortable that everyone's eyes were on him. He didn't know quite what to do but to stare and beam awkwardly. 

Y/N was looking at him with a smile, thinking about how he looked so handsome wearing a tux. She blushed furiously, her heart skipped a beat when they made eye contact and immediately looked away. 

Killua, on the other hand, was starting to wonder if she's upset with him because she didn't greet him and didn't even bother to talk since he arrived. He blew the candle after they finished singing and began to eat their dinner. 

Y/N didn't eat much because food wasn't his favorite thing in the world. She usually gives her food to Gon and Killua but they are both seated far away from her. The dinner was full of laughing and teasing. And Y/N, being the anti-social she was, didn't talk too much throughout the dinner. Ponzu gazed at her weary friend.

She only responded with a smile and finished the food that she had. "Well, I think the night is over for me. I'm going back to my room now," she announced, getting up out of her chair.

"But what about Killua's birthday party?" the green-haired girl asked in a concerned voice. 

"I can just text him later to greet," 

And just like that, she walked out of the door. It's not like she really wanted to go back in her room, it's just being in groups wasn't really her thing. She really didn't like to talk so the whole night was a little bit awkward for her and she can't even get near to the birthday celebrant. 

Meanwhile, Killua followed Y/N with his eyes until she went out. He tried his best not to look upset since he didn't want everyone's spirits down because of his mood. 

"Killua, what's wrong?" Gon asked upon noticing his friend became quiet. 

"I don't know," the silverette responded. He couldn't understand why he was feeling this way all of a sudden. He knows Y/N doesn't like gatherings like this so it's only natural that she left. But why was he so affected? It was his birthday after all, he should've been happy. 

"Maybe something is missing," Kurapika chimed in. "Think about it. What's the one thing that's usually by your side that's missing right now?"

It didn't take him one second to figure out why. He knew very well that Y/N's absence was affecting his mood. 

"Now that you mentioned it, I saw Y/N outside just a little while ago in the garden fountain while getting the drinks," Leorio began to speak, rubbing his chin. 

"Thank you!!!" Killua immediately got out of his seat.

"Where are you going?" Gon asked innocently.

"I... I am going for a walk," he declared before heading out the door, his hands inside his pockets.

❦❦❦

Y/N was sitting alone on the bench near the fountain of the university garden, breathing in the cold night air. She doesn't want to go back yet in her room, hoping that she could get another glimpse of Killua at least before this day ends.

She took her phone out and was about to send him a text message to greet him when she suddenly heard a voice behind her. 

"Oh, so this is where you are. What are you doing out here?" he asked as he scooted right next to Y/N. The girl didn't respond as she sat in confusion. Why is he here? She thought. Her heartbeat started beating fast, feeling nervous, and pleased at the same time. 

"Oi, Y/N... Is there something wrong? You're not yourself lately. Are you upset with me?" the silverette asked curiously, poking her arm. His spearmint scented cologne started to invade Y/N's senses.

Finally, she shook her head and smiled a bit, "Kil, you know how bad I am with groups. I don't really like talking. You know that ever since we became friends. If it's you, Gon or Ponzu, I'm fine with it," she mumbled, glancing at him.

"Baaaaka! It's kinda' a waste for you to leave early when you spent all the time getting all dressed up. You look so b-b-beau.... decent," he said as he skimmed his eyes over her outfit while stuttering midway upon realizing what he was about to say. He can't bring himself to say such embarrassing stuff.

Y/N huffed a little and made a pouty face. Killua, on the other hand, chuckled, spots of light pink evident on his cheeks. 

"You know Y/N when I saw you in the room, it made me happy. You actually came to celebrate my birthday," he had a broad smile on his face as he spoke. 

"And? What's the big deal of me coming?" she mumbled, looking away so he wouldn't see her face. 

"Really? Do you really not know? Wow, how dense can you get?" he turned her head to his direction and gently lifted her chin with his forefinger and looked at her with a fiery gaze. She didn't have the time to cover her crimson face. 

"K-Killua?"

"Look, I like being around you. I like to see you happy and I-i....... like your face," the silverette trailed off. The words he had been rehearsing in his head came out differently on his mouth. 

"Face?????" 

"N-no, you remind me of Choco-robos,"

"Why of all things?" she stared at him questionably, wondering what he meant by those words.

"I love choco-robos,"

"Huh?" Y/N deadpanned. Everything Killua's saying sounded so gibberish to her. 

Things were starting to get awkward real fast between them. Killua was dancing around the issue, not willing to confess and Y/N's mind was jumping around, seeking answers to questions that she can't fully comprehend. 

Screw it! Here goes nothing. It's now or never. The teen Zoldyck took a deep breath, their eyes are still locked with each other and managed to find the courage to say the next sentences, "Ah! How idiot can you get?! I-I like you for a while now Y/N. Apparently, you haven't noticed but it's been kinda' obvious..."

Killua's words echoed in Y/N's mind endlessly. She couldn't believe it like it was some sort of a joke. Her heart fluttered. No, that's an understatement. It felt like her heart was going to fly out of her chest. 

"Of all the girls surrounding you, why did you choose me?" 

"I didn't," he averted his gaze to the garden which is only illuminated by the moon. 

"You didn't? Then who? And why?"

"It was fate. It was fate who brought us to the place where you and I met. And ever since then, there... was... something about you that pulls me closer to you. I felt a connection with you," he admitted. No trace of doubt in his face. 

Y/N was so speechless at his words. The disbelief expression faded from her face and was replaced with a genuine smile that reached her eyes. 

"I'm sorry Killua," she spoke very softly and looked into the ground.

Stinging sensation was suddenly felt on the silverette's chest and his face felt like he had been slapped thousand times over. Although he knows that Y/N might not harbor the same feeling as him, it still hurts. 

"I-it's okay, idiot! I don't expect you to like me ba—"

"No!!! It's not like that," Y/N abruptly cut him off realizing that he misunderstood her, "I mean, I didn't buy you any present for your birthday,"

Killua heaved an audible sigh of relief and started laughing hard, releasing the tension he felt. She never fails to make him amuse with every little thing she does and he finds it adorable. 

"Seriously, Y/N. You almost gave me a heart attack," he said between giggles, "It's fine. Don't think about it. Attending my birthday is enough, though you didn't greet—" 

Before he could finish his sentence, she silenced him with a light peck on his lips and parted soon after, "I'm really sorry, I hope this kiss is as good as a gift,"

The kiss took him by surprise and he couldn't find the presence of mind not to touch her arms, much less not to return the kiss. Her full lips, so soft against his, tastes like honey and before he knew it, he wanted more. 

Killua leaned closer to her and few inches away from each other. He was so close that Y/N was holding her breath, and became a blushing mess. She was nervous and elated at the same time that it was too much for her to bear. Until their lips finally met once more, her feelings and any other thought in her head vanished. 

They were in a world of their own, just the two of them. Her heart was beating in time with his. The silverette pressed his large hands against her tender cheeks, savoring the moment. Y/N then pressed her tongue against his lips with an urgency he could hardly comprehend, he opened himself to her, both exploring different depths and tempos. 

Unfortunately for them, they pulled away. It was short, but it was enough to make them blush and express their feelings through actions. 

"It's the best birthday gift I've ever received," he muttered under his breath. "A-and don't tell anyone I said all these sappy stuff, I am too manly for this,"

Y/N couldn't help but chuckle, "Hey Killua," 

"Yes?" he glanced up to her.

"Happy Birthday..."

And no doubt about it, this was certainly the best birthday of Killua ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh.. it's a boring one. I'll make it up in the next chapter. Please bear with the spelling/grammatical errors.
> 
> Stay safe always!


	20. Unfaithfully Yours [LEMON]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER CONTAINS:  
> \- Lemon  
> \- Angst  
> \- NSFW. Reader's discretion is advised.

_It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It wasn't supposed to happen at all._

_Y/N wasn't supposed to cheat on his boyfriend. Especially when her boyfriend was one of the best hunters and the very kind person everyone knows, and she was cheating him with his best friend, Killua Zoldyck._

❦❦❦

The trio had been together since they were twelve and became even closer after they took the hunter exam.

As years passed by, Killua and Y/N were obviously in love with each other and almost everyone around them could tell it but both never had the chance to tell each other how they felt. They were waiting for the right time, but things kept coming up and the right time never came.

The ex-assassin had to come to terms with his family. They agreed to let Alluka go and travel with him, continue living as a hunter and not as an assassin but in return, his parents will be the ones to choose who he will get married to and produce an offspring to be the next heir.

He had no choice but to agree. He was willing to give up his happiness for his sister's sake. He's all that Alluka got, her only family, the only one who truly loves her, and seeing her have her freedom will somehow fulfill his purpose in life.

On the other hand, Y/N had to give up her feelings for him upon learning that Killua got engaged. She can't keep waiting for someone that was never meant for her but moving on from someone you've known almost all of your life was excruciating. Always crying in silence and in pure isolation, but it was Gon who helped her to get back to her knees once again.

It took two whole years to finally muster all of her strength and courage to face Killua again. And honestly, those were the longest and most painful years of her life.

Through all the highs and lows, Gon was always there for her. He was there to offer her his hand and shoulder to cry on when things got rough.

As time passes by, things are starting to get different. Y/N doesn't only see Gon as his best friend. She saw him as someone she wanted to hold hands with, the person he wanted to watch the stars under the summer night skies, the only person—aside from Killua— that she would gladly let him touch her hair.

Just like that, they became a couple and everyone they know call them the golden couple. Everyone was ecstatic. They were the pair that everyone had waited for. They became inseparable.

When Gon had his twentieth birthday, she gave him the best birthday gift and lost her maidenhood to him and became one. The ravenette was kind and gentle and perfect. He was really sweet, and the time they had together was passionate. She loved him more for it, or so she thought?

❦❦❦

The ring was a square-cut diamond, tethered with four white gold prongs that swept into a smooth band. The stone was shiny and brilliant casting silver shadows across the walls. It was really a beautiful ring, held by the man in a moment that seemed to be written out of the movie.

Y/N drew her eyes from the ring and looked at him in the eyes.

"I love you and I will love you until I die. And if there is life after that, I will still love you. So, Y/N-chan, will you marry me?"

She was taken aback by Gon's proposal. Those five words form a question whose answers will cost a lifetime promise. Her boyfriend of two years looked at her, awaiting her answer in anticipation.

Y/N for once in her life was speechless. She could not find the right words to express what she was feeling. It was early for them to get married but she already decided before that she would spend her life—if not with Killua—then it'll be with Gon.

The girl simply could not speak. Instead, she wiped away the tears that were cascading down her cheeks and simply nodded her head.

"I-is... w-was that a yes Y/N-chan?" Gon stammered.

She nodded once more and stood up from his kneeling position, put the ring on the table, and pulled her out of the seat. Tenderly, the ravenette placed both of his hands on either side of her face and kissed as though his life depended on it. Both of them are crying with tears of joy.

Suddenly, he remembered that he was supposed to have given Y/N the ring once she said yes. In an unromantic manner, he pulled away and dried his eyes on his shirt's sleeve and sniffed heavily. He removed the ring from its box, took her hand, and gently slid the ring into her delicate ring finger where it was supposed to stay for the rest of their lives together.

On the other side of the table, Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika were watching the couple seal their promise.

_Why am I still here?_ That was the thought that went through the silver-haired guy as he watched both of them kissing, not having a care in the world.

_Have you fallen in love but you couldn't do anything about it? That's what I feel now. Why did I come here? Am I being a masochist? It is because my heart is beyond repair as the woman I love the most, chose my best friend._

Killua took another shot of his vodka trying to distract himself.

_Speak now or forever hold your peace._

He had to fight his instinct from speaking out right there and then.

_Y/N, why can't you see that you belong with me? I can make you happy, and you can make me happy. Why do we have to live this lie? Don't marry him. Marry me instead._

When Alluka's image flashed through his mind, Killua got out of his trance. He was doing this for her sister. He had to stay strong.

He caught her staring at him and she smiled that made his stomach turn. That smile that broke his heart even more. Instead of feeling pain, his heart went numb. He gave her back a fake smile and finally decided to just stay quiet. That meant that he had to forever hold his peace. He was also careful not to drink too much as he might spill his own secrets in if he got drunk.

The silverette suddenly felt a nudge on his shoulder. It was the woman that his parents set him up to, _Mayuri Hasegawa_ from the Hasegawa family who was also an assassin family, just arrived in the restaurant.

"C'mon Killua, let's go home?" she suggested, knowing that Killua was hurting with the sight in front of him.

_Home is not with you. Home is where the heart is and my heart belongs to an engaged woman that I will never have._ But of course, he only said it within his thought.

Killua just nodded and went home without even telling Gon. Leorio and Kurapika understood the situation so they let him go.

That night, he melted in the arms of Mayuri. They made love as if it was the first time. This is what he loved about having felt so much pleasure, it could make him forget the one who caused him so much heartache. Between the two of them, it was just sex and solace—not a relationship. But a part of him wished that it should've been Y/N screaming out his name while pleasuring the woman in front of him.

❦❦❦

Y/N never expected that Gon would propose to him nor she ever planned to get married so soon but it just felt right to her at that moment. It was the happiest day of her life after moving on from Killua. She was ready to spend the rest of her life with Gon, the man who accepted her and fixed her from being broken. The feeling of being complete was finally back.

Everything seemed to be in the right place again that day.

But things had changed the day after.

The feeling of happiness gradually died down and after a week, all that stayed was a feeling of emptiness. It was at this time that she realized that she wasn't going to marry Killua Zoldyck.

The woman suddenly started to have an uncertain feeling about the engagement. Sure, Gon had proposed and she was happy that she said yes but a marriage with him was what she really wanted?

Now sitting at the bench in the middle of the park that the three of them always go to when they were still young, she tried to think straight. Y/N tried to get rid of herself with the doubts in the last few days but she hadn't succeeded. Her doubts had grown and uncertain feelings were now stronger than ever.

Thousands of different thoughts spun around in her head.

_Was she doing the right thing?_

_Was this engagement happening so fast?_

_Was Gon really the man she wanted to spend her life with?_

_Did she really love him as his lover and not just a good friend?_

Y/N doesn't know anymore. She couldn't think clearly. Everything in her mind seemed incomprehensible. She should have felt the butterflies in the stomach when thinking about Gon but there was nothing. Not even a single butterfly.

And then it hit her — the thought of her other friend, Killua.

She thought she moved on. But she was still in love with him. And when she had seen his reaction during the engagement, Killua was more present in her mind than ever.

Y/N closed her eyes tightly, placed both of her hands on her face, and started sobbing hard. She realized two things:

_First,_ she is not in love with Gon.

_Second,_ there was no way in hell that she would break up with him.

Suddenly, she felt a light hand grasp her shoulder. When she looked up, he met into ice blue eyes which were full of concern.

Killua. Oh, the irony. The person she wanted to see the most but at the same time, didn't want to.

"Kil, I- uh... kinda' not in the mood to accompany you to choco-robos shop today," she started speaking, wiping away her tears.

"Wasn't going to ask you to," he murmured, "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Everything's good!" her voice sounded bitter and sarcastic but she didn't care, "My life is just perfect!"

"If that's all true, why are you here outside at 8 o'clock in the evening, crying?"

"Why do you even care??" she yelled.

"Oh, you don't have to be rude you know," he removed his hand from her shoulders, "All right then if you don't want to tell me then nevermind... I'll be going now,"

Y/N didn't really want him to go. She thought that she shouldn't let him leave so he grabbed his arm when he was about to turn around and forced him to sit beside her.

"Killua, why are you here by the way?"

"I went to your apartment to talk to discuss something about the next mission but it was dark and empty so I figured you'll be here," then he looked at her, his eyes were penetrating, and looked into her soul.

"I see. Let's talk about it at home then,"

The two of them stood up and walked side by side silently along the quiet path. After reaching the lobby of the building, they took the elevator. After a while, Killua used his nen to manipulate the switches which caused the elevator to stop in its tracks leaving only the lights turned on.

Y/N was surprised by his sudden actions. _What was going on?_

"What the hell are you doing Killua? Stop playing around," she complained, glaring at him. "You better have a good reason for doing this,"

"I'm sorry Y/N, I lied. I didn't want to talk about the mission. I came here for you," he said as he moved closer until Y/N's back was pushed against the elevator wall, making a light thud sound.

"I don't know what you want but I don't have time for this Kil. Now fix the goddamn elevator,"

"No," Killua said firmly, as he pressed his body into hers. Her breath hitched as she felt the hard curves of his body against her softer ones. It was wrong but it felt so right. She felt natural with him.

"Kil, what are you doing? I-I'm with someone," her voice became a little bit louder, trying to push him away but the silverette didn't budge.

"Yes, I know. But I'm done pretending Y/N. After all of these years, I love you. It's always been you,"

"What do you mean? You're getting married and so I am. So you see, I can't really do this. To Gon, to your best friend, to my fiance," she pleaded but deep inside her resolve is weak within his presence.

"You want me too," he murmured into her ears, "I can feel it. I always could,"

A little moan came out of her mouth as he started to caress her cheek with one hand and the other one moving freely on her waist.

"Pleaaase... Kil.. I can't ..." she wanted it but at the same time she hated herself for it.

"Ssssh, I don't want to hurt you. I just wanted to be with you," he confessed as he brushed her hair, tucking it to her ear.

The albino closed his eyes as he moved his face closer to hers. She didn't stop him, she didn't want to, this was what she really wanted all her life, to be with the arms of the man she was in love with.

His mouth crashed into hers with all intensity. It was a furious heat and there was a need there too. God help him, he'd been wanting to kiss her for years and he did now so with all of his heart. Placing his hands on either side of her head, he deepened the kiss. Upon realizing that Y/N didn't retreat, he caressed the crease of her mouth with his tongue and allowed him access into her sweetness.

Still exploring her mouth, he savored its depths. His hands tangled in her hair and moved his mouth to taste the back of her ears, down to her neck.

"God... I want you so much, Y/N" he breathed against her neck. Y/N, for the most part, could only moan in response as she gripped his shirt with her hands, unsure if she wanted to pull him closer or push him away.

The temptation was growing. It was almost like some sort of force was trying to get her to cheat on Gon. She really didn't want to, he deserves so much more. He'd been nothing but kind and loyal to her. But she couldn't ignore any longer what her heart desires.

The kiss that the two of them exchanged brought back the feelings that they have locked deep inside. Y/N's knees were weak and her pulse racing. She was reaching her breaking point.

"Let's finish this in my room," the girl finally had the courage to say what has been on her mind. Killua stopped with his actions and gave her an approving and seductive look.

❦❦❦

Killua placed his lips against her ear and whispered, "You're so beautiful. I don't think I can stop kissing you,"

She turned her head until her breath tickled his forehead, "Then don't,"

That was all the encouragement needed to move his mouth back to hers in a long hard kiss. Her lips parted wide with his onslaught, letting him plunge into her depths once more.

The beast that had been perpetually clawing inside him finally tore free. It devoured her with so much passion and desire.

He momentarily pulled away from her lips to look at her almost naked body. Oh, how perfect she was. Then he started devouring her mounds. He was driving her insane with every flick of his tongue, drowning her with pleasure.

Time was lost fast and somehow the rest of their clothing was removed and she ran her hands urgently up and down his white, muscular back as they lay on the bed. She needed him. She wanted him now. It was evident as her womanhood started gushing out her liquid essence to the apex of her thighs.

"Spread your legs," the silverette commanded and she willingly obeyed, "More..."

She let her knees fall open a little bit more, her sex exposed, wide open and craving for him "Mmmm. Yes, that's perfect,"

Y/N from that moment on realized that everything about this was wrong but she couldn't stop even if she tried. She knew it would hurt Gon, she knew that she would mess everything up but she couldn't stop. When this leaked out, everyone she knew would hate her, the two of them. She knew it, yet she really couldn't stop.

Killua was achingly hard by the time he grabbed his member and rubbed it in her slick folds before he finally entered her. Her nails dug his back as he paused to get used to her flesh wrapping around his manhood. He thought that Gon didn't enter her that much as she was still very tight.

When he began moving, she eagerly met his sloppy thrusts, writhing beneath him. He loved to watch the expression her face makes as he made love to her hard but full of passion.

"I-I hate you Kil. Aaaaaahhh haaah," Y/N moaned, clutching the covers as he kept pushing in and out of her. Meanwhile, he could see in her eyes that she was lying.

"I love you," he responded as they slammed into each other, over and over.

He reached the point where he felt like losing himself. He had never felt this kind of euphoria whenever he was doing it with Mayuri. It was different with Y/N, the girl he truly loved, his best friend's fiance. He knew that having an affair would be risky but ironically exciting.

His speed increased as he aimed to hit that precise spot which would make her fall limp into his arms, unable to control herself. He let go of her hips and interlaced his fingers with hers.

Y/N's hand opened under his palm and her toes curled each time he sank into the center. She was getting lost in the delicious motion of their hips. Ache continued to build and intensify between her legs as she wasn't used to him, it was too big for her but she wanted it. She wants to feel full, to keep every last inch of him trapped inside her.

His teeth were clenched as he increased further his speed, ramming wildly into her core. The head of his cock was pushing up into her cervix, making her moan uncontrollably. He kept smacking that center, forcing himself into it—thick, strong, filling every space.

"Killua... I-I am going to—" she mewled as she was feeling close to release.

"Not yet... not until I say so," he retorted as he pulled out from her.

Before they knew it, Y/N was now on top of him and straddled his hips. She needed the control and he knew that.

Y/N hissed in satisfaction as she slid down his still hard member and buried within her to hilt. "Oh fuck,0"

He groaned as he tightly grasped her hips with his calloused hands. He needed this. How could he live without Y/N?

Meanwhile, she pressed her hands on his sculpted abs as she rode him harder and harder. Her clit was throbbing while she rocked her hips, savoring the incredible vibrations into her core.

Killua sat up suddenly, his arms circling her waist. The action drove him deeper inside her and she let a stifled scream as she wrapped her legs around his torso. He kissed her neck, smiling against her skin.

"I-I need more of you Killua. I... want you... so badly. I... ahhh am so in love with you," she managed to say in between pants.

He took over a little bit as he squeezed her ass, controlling their pace. He was bucking up into her core as she sat in his lap, her walls clenching with every thrust.

A delicious tingle was building in her center, "Kill, I'm cumming..." she cannot hold on any longer. Her brain was fuzzy and her body was shaking from this sweet sensation.

"That's it, baby. Come on me," he commanded, and as much as she hated it, his words were hot and erotic which made her pushed into the edge and release.

As she clamped down to him, his cock was slick, shining with her wetness. He kept pushing up, pulsing as her walls hugged every solid inch of him which drove him crazy. The sensation was becoming too much for him and with that one final desperate push, he emptied all his seed inside her as his orgasm washed over him.

The sound of their labored breathing filled the room and Killua groaned as her walls continued to contract, coaxing every last ounce of pleasure from him.

The hunter collapsed on his back after he pulled himself out of her. Y/N could no longer hold herself up and collapsed on his chest, shaking with sobs of guilt.

"Y/N, what's wrong? Did I hurt you so bad?" he asked in concern as he pats her hair.

"We should've never done this," she cried, her breath hitched from continuous sobs.

This was definitely not the reaction he was expecting.

_Guilt?_ Yes.

_Making her cry?_ Not in his plan.

"Don't say that," his voice was soft and soothing, trying to calm her down, "I know you love me,"

"Loved you," she corrected.

"I know you don't mean that," he lifted up her chin to look at her crying face, "You have every right to be mad at me right now but don't you dare lie about that,"

"I wish I didn't love you," she admitted, "I just cheated on the man who treated me with respect to a guy who was also set to marry another woman,"

"No you aren't," his heart sank upon realizing how he'd made her feel. He was too selfish to stop though.

"You're never going to choose me, are you?"

Alluka once again flashed into Killua's mind. He couldn't really give up his sister's happiness. It was his utmost priority, "I... I can't. I'm really sorry, Y/N"

"I see," she said as sadness and pain filled her (e/c) eyes. "Okay I admit it, I love you Killua. But you don't love me enough. I'll give you tonight but then it's done. I'm with Gon and we're going to get married,"

Killua swallowed back the reply he had in mind when she mentioned about Gon and just nodded. It was so wrong of him to betray his best friend. One night wouldn't be enough to spend time with Y/N but it was better than nothing before they totally go on their separate ways.

"Fine. Let me have all of you this whole evening, Y/N. No holding back," he said seriously as Y/N leaned forward and kissed him hard and deep, feeling his cock harden once again against her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I make part 2 of this? Hehe
> 
> Just for the record I don't tolerate cheating in any way. This is only for the plot. If you are unhappy with the relationship then just leave and don't continue to purposefully hurt them ❤
> 
> I'm sorry for the slow update, I had been distracted with lots of stuff lately and couldn't write.


End file.
